Terrible day

[Lindsey]

I really need to stop being so sensitive about things. At work, we have this job that was done FOREVER ago, and I'm really not familiar with it at all. It's a lagoon, but I don't know what was there before construction, or what we actually did. My supervisor is lazy and even though he did the beginning plans and was there through the whole process, he decided this summer to push the "as-built" drawings on me because he was too busy (outside smoking and taking his sweet time doing nothing). I did what little edits I saw, but I've never done a drawing like this before and I didn't know what it entailed at all. Nobody looked over my drawings, and they got sent to the engineer who needs to stamp them. Anyways, today I guess he finally had a chance to look at them, and he called our office. He was on speakerphone with myself, my supervisor, and an engineer in our office who is also looking after the project. He basically just slammed everything I did, knowing full well I was right there listening. He never mentioned my name, just said "I wanted this done, and SOMEBODY went and did this other thing" and "Please explain to me why I didn't get what I asked for?" etc etc and ending it off with "Talk about the drafting department not knowing what they're doing..." He was being really harsh, and to my supervisor he just said "Don't worry Chris, I know you weren't the one working on them" and Chris said "Yeah we'll just pretend the person who worked on them isn't in the room!" and they were all laughing and I was honestly just trying to fight back tears. He wants them done tomorrow the RIGHT way, but I'm already behind on two huge projects right now and I just feel like I'm about to get in big trouble. I've been crying since I left the office. I wish I could stop taking everything personally.

[Marilyn]

Lindsey, this urks me to no end when something like this happens. I know it's very hard, but you need to just shake it off, step back and look at the situation and decide how to proceed from here. These guys are not deserving of the energy you are using to fret over this. Being a female engineer working in a man's world, I can truly relate to your pain. My attitude is to rise above them and realize that I am doing an excellent job, they are the idiots. As long as they keep paying me well and I can find satisfaction in the work that I'm doing, then it's okay. I know I'm giving them their money's worth and then some. Don't get me wrong, I also get frustrated at times, and have closed my door to have a good cry, but then I do just as I've suggested to you, shake it of and get going.

Most of the men that I work with will make fun of a woman behind her back. I have a few nice customers who I believe would not participate, and my upper management would not, but middle management is the absolute worst.

Develop a plan of action and stick to it and let them eat crow. What goes around does eventually come around and they will get theirs in the end.

Hope this is of some help to you.

[Lindsey]

I work with a lot of sexist men. One engineer won't even talk to me when I'm the only person working on his project. He asks my supervisor to talk to him about it, and then my supervisor comes back and tells me what I need to do. I've even heard that particular guy say "Lindsey doesn't know what the f*ck she's doing!" and I sit back and take it. I'm really sick of it. You might remember a few weeks ago I got up the courage to ask for a raise... My boss was going to talk to me about it later, and later still hasn't come. No raise, no mention of it at all.
I'm just really discouraged by this whole industry. We do have a ton of female engineers and geologists and geoscientists in our office... I think more professional women than men actually. But they sit back and take everything too. And they're OKAY with it! If a guy (usually my perverted supervisor) makes a sexual comment they just LAUGH! It makes me feel sick to my stomach. Our receptionist has let me know she feels the same as I do. I don't know, I think I might just be ready to leave this company.

[rivermom]

Get tough Lindsey. Show them just how great you can make this project be and give them more then they even asked for. You can do it girl!!

[Janet]

Sounds like Marilyn and Sheryl gave you great advice. I wish the best for you Lindsey.

[Lindsey]

Well, today I realized it's really not as bad as I thought yesterday. I was just not in a good mood when I left work, I was stressed out and wayyyy too sensitive!

[Janet]

We've all been there Lindsey at one time or another and our moods play a big part on how we look at things. Hope things keep looking up for you.

[Marilyn]

So glad that you are doing better. Just have to make a comment though about the following:

Originally Posted by Lindsey

If a guy (usually my perverted supervisor) makes a sexual comment they just LAUGH! It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Now this they would not be able to get away with around here. I don't know if it's the same there in Canada, but in the US sexual harassment is not tolerated. Your perverted supervisor could get in big trouble here. All you would have to do is say jokingly that you are going to turn him for sexual harassment and he'd probably stop dead in his tracks.

[Tink]

Sexual harassment here will not only get the offender fired, but is reason to sue the company that employs them if they don't deal with it in a timely manner.

Many years ago when I worked on community owned ambulance service the head of it was sexually harassing myself and 5 other women. Most were reluctant to talk about it until they learned that it was so widespread. We finally all wrote up statements against him, and I called every member of the county EMS board at their homes to report it after the hospital administrator (who was HIS superior) failed to act on it.
The very next morning they gathered in the administrators office, called in the head of the ambulance service and gave him his walking papers. The risk of us suing them over it was too big for them to ignore.

Quite seriously I made a couple long term enemies over that one, but the law was on OUR side and they had no choice but to comply. It turned out the man had also raped his 9 yr old dd during his weekend visitation and he died within a couple years of a cancer in his brain which they figured had caused him to act as he did.

It was a nasty situation, and we felt bad knowing he was "impaired" yet there's no way his actions could be tolerated. He was actually cutting peoples hours when we refused to go parking with him in the ambulance!

[Lindsey]

Oh it's a big offense here too, but everyone tolerates it and I feel (and I think the receptionist, amanda, too) that if we did anything about it there would be backlash.

I just got sent home from work. Completely unrelated. My brother decided to have a party last night. he rang the doorbell at 2:30 before using his keys to get in. I had slept for 3 hours at that point. He partied with a group of people until 5:30 this morning, and my alarm to wake up went off at 6, and I sure didn't sleep in that half hour. I am working on a huge project and I couldn't perform today at all, I think I fell asleep for half a second on my way to work because I jolted awake before I almost hit a car in front of me. I was nodding off at my desk, while my brother and his deadbeat friends with no jobs were all sleeping peacefully here all day. So I got sent home and I feel absolutely sick right now.

[Lindsey]

Also, I'm not sure exactly what is considered sexual harassment. I feel uncomfortable with a lot of things he says. Most of the time it's just his little childish tantrums and swearing constantly. One time, we were playing cards at lunch, and this really nice guy who works in our lab accidently threw his card too far and it went off the edge of the table, so amanda bent over to pick it up. The guy said sorry and my supervisor said "No he's not he really just wanted to see your cleavage!" and everyone laughed and amanda got mad and made a comment about how inappropriate it was. My supervisor laughed it off, but later apologized to her when nobody else was around. It's just so creepy. Amanda is my age, 23, and this guy is 45 with a wife and two small kids. Why would he even think of saying something like that.
This summer after I got my new tattoo on my leg, I was wearing skirts every day because pants rubbed too much on the scabs. My supervisor said "Did you ride your bike to work today? Oh I guess you didn't, you're wearing a skirt." I said "no, I didn't." and he was like "Well I guess there's nothing stopping you from riding in a skirt! You just need to get some panties with motorcycles on them and ride around with your skirt flying up!" then he shouted something like "WOOO-EEEEYYYYY WILD CHILD!" It's just embarassing, and uncomfortable, and I'm sure my face turned red, but I wasn't even looking at him when he said it and I just continued to look away and didn't reply at all.
Another thing that bothers me is that he CONSTANTLY talks about diarrhea and gross stuff. If anyone is sick ever, he always calls them at home to see how they are, and he's like "So do you have a stomach something? nausea? diarrhea?" Like wow, just mind your own business... then he always says first thing in the morning "Yeah I'll get right on this after I go take my morning crap and have a smoke." Come on, he's in a professional office. Is that really necessary to tell everyone? He just bothers me so much!
Tink- I'm glad you stood up for yourself in your situation. When I was a lab tech at this office I got SO much of that stuff from construction sites. There was one guy in particular who always said things like "Oh do a test over here, baby. I'll make a spot for you here baby." But whenever the city construction inspector was around, my name was Lindsey. One day he slipped up and called me baby in front of the inspector (who I had gotten to be pretty close with, I was on his site 2-3 times a day for about 6 months and he almost seemed fatherly to me) and the inspector didn't say a thing and I almost forgot about it. But, he helped me carry my equipment to my truck and when we were out of earshot he said "Don't worry, I'm going to talk to him about his language and if you EVER hear him say that again don't hesitate to charge him. I don't care that he's my employee, he can't be saying that to you. I'll talk to him this time, but if it happens again you let me know, and he'll be gone." He never called me baby again.

[Tink]

Lindsey, maybe you need to get more mouthy yourself and put them in their place as the inappropriate comments are said?
If every time these older guys make a sexual comment to you they got a response that made them sound like old fogies, it wouldn't be fun for them anymore. Maybe let them know they're old enough to be your father and that is SUCH a turn off... Make them not want to get on the topic. A bit of psychology can work if applied correctly.

[judy]

I feel for you honey. It's very hard to be a woman in a "male" profession. People go along with it because they're afraid to make waves, and in this economy, it's hard to be angry at them for it. Your boss sounds like Steve Correll in "The Office."

When I was doing my graduate work in science, my mentor was one of those jerks who had a new 18 year old student every semester. He had some reputation, and so did we (the young women who worked with him). We were known as "Marty's Angel's." I didn't care much - I wasn't sleeping with him. He was married with 2 kids.
I did leave though, after a time because there was no time to get together with him to discuss my graduate work. He was too busy getting you know what. A lot of us left around then.

Point being, everybody gets theirs. By the way, the day his youngest daughter left for college, his wife presented him with divorce papers. She got everything and had had a boyfriend for years. HE NEVER KNEW WHAT HIT HIM!

You just do your job and wait it out. He'll get his.