Opinions needed!

[Kimberley]

My hubby and I have had many a not-so-nice discussion about this...

My husband thinks that I need to teach my daughter to cook, sew, clean, fold laundry, etc. IMO, she's learned how to do those things by watching me but I do not allow her to do those things...she's 11.

Now, my husband is the type of man (only child) that had his mother do everything for him. When I'm not around, he makes my daughter load/unload the dishwasher, clean her brother's room and fold her own laundry. I do not agree with this.

To me, he's wanting my daughter to learn to wait on men. I DON'T THINK SO!!! Shoot, if my husband keeps his stuff laid around too long, I do not put them up. I put them in the trash.

Now, when we have lived (for a short time) with the in-laws, my MIL had my daughter fixing and serving HER husband's plate and pouring his glass of tea. EXCUSE ME? Get off of your ass and do it yourself! But then again, my MIL waits on her husband hand a foot. NOT ME! If you're hungry enough, you'll take your ass in the kitchen and fix your own plate and pour your own tea. THIS, I have taught my husband. Then, when you're finished, YOU will take your stuff back to the kitchen.

ANYWAY, am I not doing right by not allowing my daughter to do these menial house stuff? I just don't want her to wait on a man when she gets older.

My opinion is, a man can cook, clean, work, raise kids, do laundry just like a woman can. Marriage should be each party giving 110% not one give while the other takes.

[rivermom]

I think it's great for girls to learn the basics of cooking, cleaning, taking care of there stuff JUST AS MUCH AS BOYS DO. It's not so much learning the tasks to take care of their hubby but lessons in life for their ownselves.

I myself am partial to serving my husband, but it's never expected of him, nor does he insist. He easily serves his ownself and is very self sufficient if I am not around, or even cases when I am around. I cook and clean for him out of love and devotion. When there are times when I am ill or whatever, he serves and takes care of me.

He does always know when I am angry at him because I wont cook. 3 or 4 days might pass and finally we work things out and i go back to "serving" him again, LOL.

I think if your daughter grows to understand that caring for her husband is out of love and is not expected, nor does it belittle her she will enjoy it.


In a previous marriage of mine I served like a slave to that useless man. It was insane and very belittling to me because he didn't respect me nor anything else for that matter. I wasn't serving him out of love, it was out of standard male expectations, ugh. I was young and stupid but quickly learned how to nip that one!

[Sherry Lynn]

My mom was like your MIL, and both of my brothers married women who wait on them. Not me, Girl!!! I'm with you. I think it's arrogant and disrespectful to expect to be waited on hand and foot!

Hubby and I do things for each other all the time, but it's because we want to. There is always a 'please' and a 'thank you' attached to a request, too!

I don't think it's bad that your daughter start to learn to do things, just learn them for herself and not to be someones servant! And it wouldn't hurt for your son to learn the same skills when he gets older.

Would your husband treat your son the same way?

[ginab]

SERVE!!!!!!!!! THATS INSANE!!! I NIPPED THAT s*** IN THE BUD ALREADY..
they can kiss my butt... 50/50 now...

[Ponyup]

My husband serves me. I love it. He even does my laundry. I need to try to help out more around the house, but I'm just so lazy. I think she should learn these tasks because she will need to know these things when she lives on her own & taking care of her own things is great. However, she should never have to do your husband or son's chores, they should be responsible for themselves also.

[magnolia]

Kimberly,

You are doing firght in my opinion! There was a time (many years ago) where a woman was expected to wait on her husband all the time - but look at the times then - most women didn't work outside the home like the women of today but rather worked INSIDE their own home. It was part of society that after the man came home from work, his wife would be waiting with his proverbial slippers, mixed drink, cigar, and paper. He would then relax while she continued to work to get his dinner ready, fix his plate, and serve it. But not anymore!! We live in a society where both husband and wife work full time jobs to support their families or their hobbies - one should not expect the other to "wait" on them! My boys both know how to wash dishes, load a washing machine (and put laundry soap in it and turn the thing on!), know how to dry the clothes they just washed and what to do with them when they are dry - fold them and put them up!! They can even do some basic cooking, vaccuming, and sweeping! I've made sure I taught them how to do these things so they don't have to depend or expect someone else to do it for them - they are 16 and 13 and I started with them when they turned 12. I have never fixed my husbands plate in over 20 years unless it was something I wanted to do - believe me, he thinks it's a treat if I fix his plate while he's telling me I didn't need to do that, he can fix his own. At family gatherings, my aunts are fixing their husbands plates and have passed this down to their daughters - they USED to say something to me about not fixing Sam's plate but when I would reply, "He's a grown man. If he's hungry, he can fix his own damn plate!", they stopped mentioning it!

Stick to your guns - there's time enough for her to learn things from you but waiting on a man shouldn't be one of them!

[Janet]

I think every young girl should learn everything there is about running a household. I also think every young man needs to learn the same thing. My son at 15 knows how to do laundry from start to finish. He did this for me when I had my hysterectomy and was 12 years old. He makes a better meatloaf than I do and has won cookie contests at the county fair. He knows how to cook and follow a recipe. He also knows how to sew (made a duffle bag at school). Even has a checking account so he can now see where his money comes from and where it goes. Believe me, he's all boy...but it's never too early to start teaching them these things and practicing them. I always think, HEAVEN FORBID, something should happen to me before he can learn all these things. So there you have it....my opinion!

[Amber_lv]

I think for sure she should know how to do everything but not to serve a man she should learn for her and for future kids lol! The mil thing OMG i would have told her to get off her lazy a$$ and server her own husband damn i hate that well just teach her but make it clear to your hubby how he is treating her is wrong and he is not teaching her to be strong and independent

[rivermom]

I wanted to add from my previous post on this....Growing up my Mom worked over full time hours outside of the home and still did EVERYTHING in that house. Of course us kids helped out as expected.

The downfall was my Dad never helped my Mom in the house. Male chauvinist all the way. His belief was that the woman did all the inside work, and the man did all the outside work. And that's how it went, brother mowed the grass and I helped cook and clean.

Well, now as my Dad has aged he feel tremendous remorse for those beliefs and making my Mom feel overwhelmed with all her expected duties. He knows he could never make that up.

As a grown woman myself I do 99% of the inside house chores and outside I wash/wax the vehicles, garden, etc. All of this which is NEVER expected of hubby, thank goodness for that.

[Mandy]

Ok, this is what i think about it. Both boys and girls should learn basic household chores! I serve my husband coffee, drinks, dinner and keep the house clean, do the laundry etc... But he will do the same for me, he can cook, and will vacuum if i have other things to do, and he will serve me, coffee, drinks and dinner, i don't want him to do the laundry LOL
Either my son or husband fill the dishwasher after dinner, my son keeps he's bedroom presentable, and he knows basic cooking.

[RLC12345678]

My mother never taught me those things. She said that I would learn soon enough on my own. And I have. Now I am married and I have learned to do all those things out of necessity. But I didn't learn how to do them for my husband's sake, but my sake. My husband knew from day 1 that we will share the household chores....that includes cooking, cleaning, laundry, everything. We both cook and we both clean. I do my own laundry and he does his own. I think your daughter should know how to do those things, but not so she can take care of a MAN, but so she can take care of HERSELF! I think you are absolutely teaching her the right thing by not waiting on a man. They should both be equals! However, I did learn to do my own laundry at a very young age and my sisters and I were always the ones responsible for cleaning the kitchen every night.

[Carolyn]

WTF is that! I think BOTH your girl and boy should learn how to do these things. I would never make my daughter clean her brother's room! I have made him clean hers when he trashed it though. I can't belive your MIL made your daughter serve her husband. Oh man I would be sooooooo pissed!

[Tink]

All 3 of my kids learned to do and became responsible for their own laundry at age 12. 2 of the 3 have cooked in restaurants based on what they learned at home. They all were responsible for their own messes and helping with household chores regardless of gender.

My hubby was 34 and had never been married when we met. He can cook, clean, and anything else he needs to do to take care of himself. I think we ALL need to know how to do that because sooner or later many of us DO end up living alone.

As for waiting on a man, that's just not my "thing". I wouldn't encourage my daughters to do it, since I don't see any need for it on a regular basis. If we want to do it and it's reciprocated, then fine... if it's "just another chore" then forget it!

[Marilyn]

Okay, girl, you ask for opinions, and we all have one....

Like everything else in life, this is all about attitude. There is nothing wrong with girls and boys learning how to do just about anything, from scrubbing the bathroom, cooking, folding clothes, sewing, changing the oil in the car, fixing a flat. These are basic life skills.

Here's where the attitude part comes in. My husband and I wait on each other. I don't resent waiting on him, and he does not resent waiting on me. Sometimes I get him a glass of coke and sometimes he brings me a snack. It's give and take.

When a husband has the attitude that his wife must wait on him, and she's otherwise pulling her weight in the family, then he has the wrong attitude. If a husband asks his wife to get him a glass or something to drink, because he's had a hard day, she should not have the attitude that he should darn well get it for himself.

If you truly love each other, and have care and compassion for one another, there is no resentment. That does not mean that we don't get aggravated from time to time, we are all human, but we need to be respectful of each other.

My girls aren't perfect, but they have been taught basic life skills, they've folded clothes and cleaned for years, and sometimes they wait on their dad. I don't have a problem with that, because he does a lot of things for them like buy them nice cars and fixes them when they have fender benders, buys them clothes, cell phones, Ipods, etc, etc.

It's just not that big a deal in our family.

[Mandy78]

I grew up with a stay at home mom, and she did everything for my dad and for us kids. But that is what she loved to do. I was at the age where she was starting to teach me things such as cooking and all that when she passed away very suddenly. By that time, my brother was already at college, so it was Dad and me to fend for ourselves! So we both had to learn to cook and clean! GRRR!!!! It was such a hoot the 1st time we had to do a load of laundry. We had no idea how to start the darn thing! So my Aunt had to come over to show us!!!!! But I was 13 when all this happened!!! So it just became a way of life for the 2 of us!

But...I am soooo not a good cooker. I wish I had someone to HELP me along the way. I am learning to cook now from my MIL, who was also a stay at home and waited on her kids and hubby hand and foot! And Italian at that....(Stubborn) LOL!!!

But she still taught her kids how to do everything! And I love the fact that if I cook, Ray cleans up. If he cooks, he still cleans up! HE tells me to relax! He cleans the house, takes care of the yard, does laundry!!! EVERYTHING!!! I love it!

IMO...I think EVERY child no matter what sex should be taught how to do everything. Taught how to do things...not wait on anyone!!!! I like what was said earlier, you do things for someone such as your spouse out of love. When you are in a great relationship, thats what you want to do! But it goes both ways! When I am off during the week, and Ray comes home to all the laundry done, clean house and dinner ready, he is always soo appreciative!!! On his day off during the week, and I come home to everything done and dinner ready, and he serves me, I am sooooo happy!!!!! And of course he gets lucky too! LMAO!

I guess what I am trying to say is that I wish I was able to learn from my mother all the things I had to learn on my own. I still to this day have no idea how to even thread a needle to sew a button on a blouse if it fell off. I wish I knew all the "secret" ingredients to her special recipes. I guess I would love to have had that bonding time! Her technigue for ironing, my mom always had our stuff ironed perfectly. I do a lousy job at it.

And my parents had GREAT respect for each other, Ray's parents had GREAT respect for each other. Our mothers did things out of love! Our Dads did things for our Moms too out of love. Why wouldn't they want to? So that is how we are, and if and when we have kids, I hope they would see the same with us. Doing things for each other out of love.

Sorry so long!