Going to go INSANE!!!!

I am at my wit's end with my kids. There are five of them and the three dogs. My mother is going to come up and help, but my mother is driving me insane!!!! She tells me the kids need more "discipline." My husband does his best to help me out but theres only so much he can do. Since my eight year old son refuses to do his homework, I mean REFUSES. He throws a HUGE fit and kicks and screams and carries on. How should I get him to do his homework minus the drama?

My mom, she is VERY pushy. Theres no arguing with her, she ALWAYS has to be right or else. She's coming up tomorrow and is a lot more strict than I am with the kids. She'll make them do chores that are too diffcult or that they've never been required to do before. How do I set her straight? She also doesn't approve that I have a Doberman Pinscher with five kids, she says that dog'll kill your five year old if she falls on her. Which isn't true, Isis is the sweetest Doberman I've ever met and she ADORES the kids.

My eleven year old son picks physical fights with kids in school and was already suspended once. How do I get him to stop? We've tried grounding him, reasoning with him, but that doesn't work. My five year old got into my sixteen year old's makeup(which she left out) and Caroline, my sixteen year old daughter, threw a fit and stormed out of the house and didn't come back til the next day. We were worried sick because we couldn't find her. Maybe my children do need more discipline or maybe I just need a vacation. How do I give them more discipline without them completely hating me? Maybe I need super Nanny! Well, they have to clean their rooms and I have to supervise to make sure their idea of cleaning(shoving everything in a drawer or under the bed) isn't used.
Grace
Mommy to: Caroline,Darby,Alessa,Kris and Casady

[Janet]

I'm sorry, but it sounds like you need to invite your mom to live with you. It really sounds like they need the discipline and kids really do want it.

I would start by taking everything out of their rooms except for the bed and their clothes. Then every two weeks evaluate their behavior and allow them to pick one item..not a set, not a game and console...ONE item. They need to earn their things back by listening to you and their father and showing good behavior. If the earn something back and misbehave...they must not care about the item so take it back and start over, but that one item can not be chosen again till last.

You've got to be consistant and firm. If you let them get away with something once...they know they can get away with it again. Kids are very smart...don't let them kid you.

[judy]

Is your son acting out for some reason. Is he having trouble doing his work? Sometimes kids get frustrated with themselves and show it through behavioral
problems.

Maybe you could check with the school about this. My grandson is acting out and now they're testing him head to foot at school to see what's at the root of them problem.

Thanks Janet, thats what my husband Matt and I are doing. The kids hate us for it, but it seems to be working. My eight year old, Kris, is very smart, we've had his IQ tested and it's way above genius level, which doesn't surprise me, he's very smart he just doesn't focus. He goofs off in school and has ADD. My other son, Darby, doesn't tell me when he has a big test or project and just doesn't do it. So that's why he fails. Now HE hates me because his teachers and I keep in touch when he has a test or project and we literally MAKE him study or work on it. It's no fun.

My daughter Caroline, is just being a teenager. I don't think there's much we can do with her. She has a horrible attitude problem that I've just given up on. Caroline freaked out on my thirteen year old Casady because Casady wanted to know if Caroline could take her out shopping and that got me mad. I told Caroline," Your little sisters look up to you like you're a hero, why can't you treat them nicely for just a day?!" And after I said that, she blew up and locked herself in her bedroom for four hours.

My other two daughters, Alessa and Casady, behave. They're my angels for the moment, LOL. Now I'm just venting. I need an opinion on my mother: she thinks I should get rid of my Doberman pinscher because she says she's a dangerous animal to have around young children. Now, our Dobie, Isis wouldn't hurt anyone unless you hurt on of her family members first. what do you think of that? I'm not getting rid of my dog because my mother says she's an inapropriate dog to have around kids.
Grace
Mommy to: Caroline, Darby, Alessa, Kris and Casady

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Grace1968

Thanks Janet, thats what my husband Matt and I are doing. The kids hate us for it, but it seems to be working. My eight year old, Kris, is very smart, we've had his IQ tested and it's way above genius level, which doesn't surprise me, he's very smart he just doesn't focus. He goofs off in school and has ADD. My other son, Darby, doesn't tell me when he has a big test or project and just doesn't do it. So that's why he fails. Now HE hates me because his teachers and I keep in touch when he has a test or project and we literally MAKE him study or work on it. It's no fun.

My daughter Caroline, is just being a teenager. I don't think there's much we can do with her. She has a horrible attitude problem that I've just given up on. Caroline freaked out on my thirteen year old Casady because Casady wanted to know if Caroline could take her out shopping and that got me mad. I told Caroline," Your little sisters look up to you like you're a hero, why can't you treat them nicely for just a day?!" And after I said that, she blew up and locked herself in her bedroom for four hours.

My other two daughters, Alessa and Casady, behave. They're my angels for the moment, LOL. Now I'm just venting. I need an opinion on my mother: she thinks I should get rid of my Doberman pinscher because she says she's a dangerous animal to have around young children. Now, our Dobie, Isis wouldn't hurt anyone unless you hurt on of her family members first. what do you think of that? I'm not getting rid of my dog because my mother says she's an inapropriate dog to have around kids.
Grace
Mommy to: Caroline, Darby, Alessa, Kris and Casady

Yes, I'm sure they don't like Mom and teacher talking with each other so much. We have it on our computer that I can check whatever homework my son as (he's 17 and a Junior), any notes from the teacher and I can even see what he had for lunch and how much money is left in his lunch account. I wish they would have had this system when he was in grade school.

I don't mind when a teenager wants to be alone...but in my house...there is no lock on his bedroom door...no way! I feel if they want a lock...they can pay bedroom rent, until then I have free passage to any room!

I don't believe all dogs of a certain breed are dangerous. It really depends on the background and how they were taught and treated. I would just make sure to keep an eye things and if you thing there could be a potential problem then you'll deal with it I'm sure.

Glad you've joined us...and hope things get better. Vent whenever you need to.

[judy]

"Grace,

Can you just say to your Mom, in the nicest way possible, that it's not her business. Probably not - she's your mom and is wise to you, right?

My daughter has 5 dogs, and the way she handles family who don't approve is that she just tells them that - "Oh no. We're never getting rid of our dogs."
She really doesn't argue. That's just it!

Your kids sound like an average 5 kid family. Try an mp3 player with your favorite music on and a good set of earphones.

Welcome to 4WT!

[teri88]

God Bless you, you do have your hands full. With 5 kids and all that they are putting you through, I think you need to sit down with your husband and decide what is most important and work on that. Otherwise, you'll burn yourself out trying to fix everything at once. You didn't get to this point overnight, and you won't convince your kids that things are going to be different from now on overnight.

oh, and when my kids say "I hate you" I always reply "you'll get over it"...or I'll say "If you hate me then I'm doing my job". They won't hate you forever, and if you show them that you are the parent and you are in charge, then some day they will appreciate what you've done for them.

As far as your bright son who doesn't do his school work, my guess is he's bored to death in school. My son has been the same way his whole school life. As a first grader he used to refuse to do "busy work" that is what he called it. I can remember him doing math and saying "I just did 5 problems in a row, obviously I know how to do this. I'm not doing the other 20" He is now a Junior in HS and we still fight over homework. It is very difficult to raise a bright child. The secret is you have to keep them busy. It's exaughsting that's for sure. And you have to find something that matters to him...karate, video game, whatever....and that is your leverage. If he doesn't do his work he loses that priviledge. I would tell Kevin in a calm voice "if the teacher calls again about missing work, you don't go to baseball" And I followed through. You HAVE to be consistant. Sometimes I had to go into my room and cry because I hated being the meanie...but, if they know the consequence then it puts it back on their shoulders. It is HIS homework. HE chooses not to do it, HE suffers the consequence. And that is really all you can do. My son slacked off in Freshman year, so now next year as a Senior his friends will be taking easy classes, getting out early, whatever. He is taking FRESHMAN health and history. So, he has to work harder than he should have. Like I said let him know the consequences and let him suffer them. I'm not saying it's easy, but it will be worth it.

ok, enough from me....sorry this is so long. It's just that I have gone through it and I wish I'd known these things when my son was 8...it would have made me a better parent.

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by teri88

God Bless you, you do have your hands full. With 5 kids and all that they are putting you through, I think you need to sit down with your husband and decide what is most important and work on that. Otherwise, you'll burn yourself out trying to fix everything at once. You didn't get to this point overnight, and you won't convince your kids that things are going to be different from now on overnight.

oh, and when my kids say "I hate you" I always reply "you'll get over it"...or I'll say "If you hate me then I'm doing my job". They won't hate you forever, and if you show them that you are the parent and you are in charge, then some day they will appreciate what you've done for them.

As far as your bright son who doesn't do his school work, my guess is he's bored to death in school. My son has been the same way his whole school life. As a first grader he used to refuse to do "busy work" that is what he called it. I can remember him doing math and saying "I just did 5 problems in a row, obviously I know how to do this. I'm not doing the other 20" He is now a Junior in HS and we still fight over homework. It is very difficult to raise a bright child. The secret is you have to keep them busy. It's exaughsting that's for sure. And you have to find something that matters to him...karate, video game, whatever....and that is your leverage. If he doesn't do his work he loses that priviledge. I would tell Kevin in a calm voice "if the teacher calls again about missing work, you don't go to baseball" And I followed through. You HAVE to be consistant. Sometimes I had to go into my room and cry because I hated being the meanie...but, if they know the consequence then it puts it back on their shoulders. It is HIS homework. HE chooses not to do it, HE suffers the consequence. And that is really all you can do. My son slacked off in Freshman year, so now next year as a Senior his friends will be taking easy classes, getting out early, whatever. He is taking FRESHMAN health and history. So, he has to work harder than he should have. Like I said let him know the consequences and let him suffer them. I'm not saying it's easy, but it will be worth it.

ok, enough from me....sorry this is so long. It's just that I have gone through it and I wish I'd known these things when my son was 8...it would have made me a better parent.

As for the part of being bored to death in school... been there done that. i started laying out of all my classes in high school because it was so boring. They did not offer classes that were more challenging then. Ask the school to test him and they can give him gifted enrichment, if this is the case. It seems to help a great deal. good luck!

Well, my kids are acting good for the moment. Kris will skip into fourth grade next year instead of only being in third. I'm so happy! My mom is here, driving insane, nagging and complaining about everything. We got in a BIG fight on Sunday because Alessa decided that it would be fun to dress up one of our dogs and the dog tolerated her for a while and then snapped at her. My mother freaked out, saying I should take the dog to the pound ASAP. Grrr......LOL

[Forgivenmom5]

How does your mom feel now that the dog saved you from the intruder?

[Gina]

Grace first I want to say welcome to 4Wt . These wonderful ladies have given you awesome advice. I will keep it short, and may repeat a thing or two..

You do have your hands full with 5 kids, husband, dog and now mother.. I do agree with Janet as far as discipline you have to show them you mean business. As far as the teenage girl goes she is at that stage of rebellion .I do agree but she should not be leaving the house overnight without you knowing her whereabouts. That is very dangerous in todays day and age. You must punish her for that.. Let her know that you love her and horrible things can happen to her..

Your mother means well , try not to fight with her I know this is a hard thing to do. For most mothers and daughters buck heads when they have different ways of doing things.. She is not entirely wrong and loves you and your family, as far as the dog she is right you cannot trust dogs completely with the kids as you stated she snapped at one of the kids.

Motherhood does not come with a manual so you have to try your best. Stick with being firm and consistent and I think you will accomplish a lot.. Good luck!

[Gina]

Grace I just read the thread you posted about the break in.. Your dog is a hero.. I hope that your mother realizes that now..