Growing Pains....

[Kimberley]

Alright ladies, at what point do I step back and let go??? My daughter is one that has always worn her heart out there on her sleeve. She gets her feelings hurt easily and is an easy cryer. My daughter is having problems with friends at school...the whole girly drama of he said/she said.

For a couple of weeks now, at least 2-3 times a week, she gets in the car and starts crying. Apparantly, her once best friend of 3 years has found a new best friend and this new best friend is obviously jealous of the friendship my daughter shared with Ashley and now causing trouble by lying and such.

It rips my heart out to see my daughter so upset. I know that this is part of growing up but how can I help my daughter? What can I say to her? I even spoke to Hunter's mom today trying to figure out how we could resolve things. Hunter called my daughter twice after that and was very cold. The tears welled up once again.

It's at the point I'd like to withdraw my daughter from this school and put her in another. I just don't like seeing her hurt.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

[Marilyn]

So sorry you and your daughter are having to go through this. Children can be so cruel to each other. How old is she? What grade is she in?

[highlans]

Originally Posted by Kimberley

Alright ladies, at what point do I step back and let go??? My daughter is one that has always worn her heart out there on her sleeve. She gets her feelings hurt easily and is an easy cryer. My daughter is having problems with friends at school...the whole girly drama of he said/she said.

For a couple of weeks now, at least 2-3 times a week, she gets in the car and starts crying. Apparantly, her once best friend of 3 years has found a new best friend and this new best friend is obviously jealous of the friendship my daughter shared with Ashley and now causing trouble by lying and such.

It rips my heart out to see my daughter so upset. I know that this is part of growing up but how can I help my daughter? What can I say to her? I even spoke to Hunter's mom today trying to figure out how we could resolve things. Hunter called my daughter twice after that and was very cold. The tears welled up once again.

It's at the point I'd like to withdraw my daughter from this school and put her in another. I just don't like seeing her hurt.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it hurts like hell to see your kids upset but I think it would not be good to move her from her school sadly this is life. My daughter is now 28 and married I still worry like hell for her its a life long occupation being a mum. Give it time they will all soon make up just be there for her when she is upset you will soon be thinking what was I worrying about. One things for sure there will be another worry around the corner.

[Janet]

I hate for our kids to have to go through this emotional pain. I see it all the time on the bus. I would keep telling her how great she is, keep feeding her self-esteem find something she excells in,...sports, gymnastics, music...etc. and have her branch out into some new friendships. Truth is, not all friendships last a life time and I'm sorry she has (as it sounds) mostly invested in only this friend. My son (I know they are different from daughters), wears his heart on his sleeve too. He's always had his best friend, but I would only let him come and spend the night, if he would ask another friend in-between. Now he has many friendships. Now at 15 years old, there's not so much spending nights at each others homes, but they do get together for other things.

[Mandy]

Encourage her to make more friends, tell her not to put all her "eggs in one basket" ... remind her how beautiful she is and what a nice daughter you have, she can have plenty of other friends!

I have been there with my son, so i know how you feel, last year was terrible for him, i even had to take him for counselling, because he just didnt see "the light" anymore. It's heartbreaking for parent to watch their child hurting, and getting bullied. Thank goodness he is passed that stage, he can now stand up for himself, he has grown so much this past year that he now belongs to the taller kids in he's class, while last year he was one of the shortest, this has boosted he's selfesteem tremendously. (specially for a boy)

Hang in there Kim, don't let her change schools, because that's not going to solve the problem.
Let her rather join a club or something that she likes. Invite some boys and girls over to your house for a party or a get together, let her meet other kids, including kids from her current class, tell her to get to know them better.

Best of luck, and keep us posted

[Kimberley]

Thanks for the encouragement guys! Believe me, I've tried to tell her she needs more than one close friends. One thing she's told me is that (the past few days), when she sits next to someone new at lunch to try to make another friend, Hunter will come over and sit also (next to the potential friend). Next thing you know, that potential friend won't speak to my daughter.

They are all in the 6th grade and 11-12 years old. I'm just heart sick over this.

[Kimberley]

Originally Posted by Marilyn

So sorry you and your daughter are having to go through this. Children can be so cruel to each other. How old is she? What grade is she in?

These girls also go to Crossfire (at Faith). It's hard for my daughter to get away from Hunter and now Ashley.

[Mandy]

Originally Posted by Kimberley

Thanks for the encouragement guys! Believe me, I've tried to tell her she needs more than one close friends. One thing she's told me is that (the past few days), when she sits next to someone new at lunch to try to make another friend, Hunter will come over and sit also (next to the potential friend). Next thing you know, that potential friend won't speak to my daughter.

They are all in the 6th grade and 11-12 years old. I'm just heart sick over this.

Ahhhhh ok, so they are talking behind her back, that's aweful!!
Honestly i feel for you and your daughter! I just told my son about your daughters situation, and asked him what he would do if he was in her shoes, and he's answer was "change schools"

Obviously there's some sort of jealousy issue involved, and kids can be awefully cruel. School is supose to be fun, and a child should love to go to school.

Kim, have you spoken to the teachers and head masters at your daughters school?
What does she want to do if she could chose?

[Janet]

Kimberley, I think, since you're friends with the other mother and you've already talked, that it is time to get the two girls together with their mothers present. Even if there are tears, maybe that is what this other girl needs to see in order to understand how hurtful her actions are. It would have to be not confrontational, but ask the other girl if your daughter has done something to have her treat her this way. Then the ball is rolling. If things start to slow down, then encourage your daughter by saying, "well you have said this happened, why not ask her about that." Have the girls tell what they like about each other and what they don't. You may get a clue as to the real problem by asking that question. Have the girls talk with each other with both mothers there to keep things moving, but not interfering. This will also teach the girls to talk about their problems not only with each other but with others as well.

These years are so hard for our kids and it is so heartbreaking. If nothing is settled or things don't get better then it is time for your daughter to move on to bigger and better things...and friends.

[Kimberley]

Originally Posted by Mandy

Kim, have you spoken to the teachers and head masters at your daughters school?
What does she want to do if she could chose?

No, I haven't spoken to teachers and such. They generally don't get involved unless there is a risk of physical fights.

I asked her last night...she doesn't want to switch schools.

[Kimberley]

Originally Posted by Janet

Kimberley, I think, since you're friends with the other mother and you've already talked, that it is time to get the two girls together with their mothers present. Even if there are tears, maybe that is what this other girl needs to see in order to understand how hurtful her actions are. It would have to be not confrontational, but ask the other girl if your daughter has done something to have her treat her this way. Then the ball is rolling. If things start to slow down, then encourage your daughter by saying, "well you have said this happened, why not ask her about that." Have the girls tell what they like about each other and what they don't. You may get a clue as to the real problem by asking that question. Have the girls talk with each other with both mothers there to keep things moving, but not interfering. This will also teach the girls to talk about their problems not only with each other but with others as well.

These years are so hard for our kids and it is so heartbreaking. If nothing is settled or things don't get better then it is time for your daughter to move on to bigger and better things...and friends.

Thanks, Janet! I SOOOO agree!!!

[RLC12345678]

I have a 16 year old sister and she ALWAYS calls me crying over this type of drama. I always tell her that all her friends are immature and that Haley just needs to kill everyone with kindness. I tell her that even though these girls may "seem" like they are her best friends, when she grows up, she will probably never talk to them again. I am not friends with anyone I went to high school with anymore. I tell her that even though it is hard, kill everyone with kindness. Brush it off. Try not to take anything anyone says too seriously. THey obviously have personal issues they need to take care of. Tell your daughter these things and tell her that these girls DO NOT MATTER. She needs to know that her FAMILY are the ones that will always be there for her...not these girls...so try not to take them too seriously. Be kind. If she is kind, it will be VERY VERY hard for other people to be mean to her. Tell her not to stoop to their level of he said/she said. Tell her to be the bigger person. That is what I've always told me sister and it seems to really help. She really doesn't care anymore about what people say. In a few years, she won't ever talk to them again anyway.

[SweetCuteness]

Originally Posted by Janet

Kimberley, I think, since you're friends with the other mother and you've already talked, that it is time to get the two girls together with their mothers present. Even if there are tears, maybe that is what this other girl needs to see in order to understand how hurtful her actions are. It would have to be not confrontational, but ask the other girl if your daughter has done something to have her treat her this way. Then the ball is rolling. If things start to slow down, then encourage your daughter by saying, "well you have said this happened, why not ask her about that." Have the girls tell what they like about each other and what they don't. You may get a clue as to the real problem by asking that question. Have the girls talk with each other with both mothers there to keep things moving, but not interfering. This will also teach the girls to talk about their problems not only with each other but with others as well.

These years are so hard for our kids and it is so heartbreaking. If nothing is settled or things don't get better then it is time for your daughter to move on to bigger and better things...and friends.

Janet, great advice! You're good! Maybe you were meant to be a psychologist.

[Necee419]

Kimberley, I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. I remember when things like this happened to me as a young girl. You feel like your life is over. The best thing you can do is continue to be supportive of her. My mom always used to make me feel better by telling me how great I was and so much better than the girl who was causing me trouble. The upside to these kinds of dramas is that they usually blow over quickly, as soon as some new gossip story emerges and lots of times the girls make up. I hope your daughter is feeling better. Those other girls are just jealous of her. It sounds like she is a kind hearted, good girl and she will grow up to be a kind hearted and good person. Unfortunately, i can't say the same thing about those other little brats!!