I need a friend

[Tink]

I have a close family member who was diagnosed as bi-polar many years ago. It was awful when she was drinking as the meds couldn't work right with alcohol in the mix.

Once she quit drinking, things improved dramatically. I wonder if that might be the issue there as well? Alcohol IS a depressant... and in someone who is already struggling, is just a really bad idea.

Good luck to you. What you need to try to do is to just live for yourself and let him work out his own problem. It may sound cold, but you can't "fix" him, so there's no sense in going down with him if he refuses to help himself.

I'm sorry... been in your shoes and they hurt!

[blowry]

Originally Posted by Tink

I have a close family member who was diagnosed as bi-polar many years ago. It was awful when she was drinking as the meds couldn't work right with alcohol in the mix.

Once she quit drinking, things improved dramatically. I wonder if that might be the issue there as well? Alcohol IS a depressant... and in someone who is already struggling, is just a really bad idea.

Good luck to you. What you need to try to do is to just live for yourself and let him work out his own problem. It may sound cold, but you can't "fix" him, so there's no sense in going down with him if he refuses to help himself.

I'm sorry... been in your shoes and they hurt!

Thanks Tink!
I have told Hubby that he shouldn't be drinking while on the meds...and so has his therapist but, he is going to do what he wants...I do believe that one day he is going to realize he shouldn't be and either cut way down(he will never stop) or I will have a very difficult decision to make. This isn't my first time dealing with an abusive (verbally/emotionally) husband. My X was also like this but, no mood disorders. He did hit me a few times an threaten me. This lasted for 19yrs before I finally said "I've had enough!" Now I'm in the same situation.....again...I seem to gravitate towards people that need help...I once had a therapist tell me that I can't save the world...well, I keep trying but, it's not working. Hubby told me that he likes himself and likes the way he is and he will never stop drinking....I believe this is all part of bi-polar.....the, "you're not going to tell me what to do" and "you're not my mother". It's that feeling of being the best, invincible..nothing's going to happen to me because I am great. I can't talk to him because he won't listen...or he doesn't hear the words I am saying...he takes everything out of context and, in his mind, I am saying something completely different than what I am actually saying. I will tell him something and he will repeat the same story but in a different way and tell me I am wrong and then agrue with me....for HOURS and sometimes DAYS! Then he realizes how he treated me and apologizes for days after...He tells me..."you know how much I love you and that I'm a dick, just dont' everything so personally" HOW CAN I NOT!!! when he is attacking me....Then there are days that he acts like a child, and then days that he is ok,....I'm just so confused...I wish I could find a support group around here to go to just to vent and hear other's stories. I'm sure that would help. I do ignore him alot and when I can see an episode coming I stay clear, when he starts drinking I won't talk to him at all...I stay in another room....He seems to like to start crap when he's had a few beers and I've learned (from being there before) you can't reason with a drunk!
As for the shoes......I don't like them! I think I'd rather be bare footed

Thanks for your response Tink, I'm glad I at least have WT to come to to vent

Hugs,
Brenda

[blowry]

Originally Posted by janc

My 2nd husband would constantly chew me out when he got moody. It didn't start till we'd been married for 8 or 9 years. I'm not one for taking that (My 1st husband was gay and I didn't realize it. I was stuck because of having 3 young children and no job. When I got out of there (with the kids), got a job (teaching), and got settled back in LA I swore that I would never give up my job again because I wanted to be able to say goodbye if I ever got in another bad situation. Back to 2nd husband- he has many good qualities. One of those is that he listens to me. He started up again with the anger about 4 years ago. I turned around and told him he could call our Dr. and get on an antidepressant or I was out of there. ( I had retired in 01 but still had a license to teach in NV and would have had no trouble getting a job out there.) That morning he called and picked up the prescription that day. It took a few days to work but he is like a different person. He says he wishes he had taken it when he was young. Life is too short to be miserable. The first 8 years we were married he was chewing out the secretary instead of me. Some women just take the grief and that's their choice . I am lucky in that my husband puts me first and I am very spoiled. Also, I adore him (most of the time) and am happy with my life.
Do you think counseling would help you? Sometimes you have to try a few to find the right one for you. I'm praying for you and hope that things work out for you. You seem like a very nice person.

I have seen hubby's counselor once on my own and once with him. Of course I was limited as to what I could say when he was with me but, when I went on my own I couldn't stop talking...I have so much stress right now and kept jumping from one issue to the next...never really finishing any of them. I also work in a counseling center so, I have therapist, literally, at the tips of my fingers all day long which has helped alot...Thank you so much...I like to think I am a nice person