What does this mean?

[jrsygal37]

Hi guys. I'm a member over at YT. This is my first post here. Alright, so I'm a little out of the loop when it comes to meanings etc. A little help please. A friend of mine had a very involved affair that last years. They became very involved and she really fell head over for him and although he never said he loved her she was pretty certain he did.

Last year he ended it telling her it was too painful etc. Anyway, they still remained close but not intimate. This was beyond a sexual relationship. It was very emotional relationship for both of them and because of that it was hard for either of them to fully break ties. Although they should have, neither were able to and so they kept in touch but have not been "sexually" involved now for a good year.

Yesterday, in conversation they spoke about seeing each other for a drink. maybe, getting back together etc. And she felt he was trying to tell her something but didn't know how to. He has a very hard time letting his feelings show or telling someone how he feels. And, so he finally said to her awkwardly "I like you. No I more then like you." Now keep in mind that they were way past like. LOL. So was this his way of telling her he loved her?

These are not young kids.

[Gina]

First I like to welcome you to 4WT, a group of great women who give good advice..

I would like to answer you but need just a little more info... Your friend is she married? is her guy friend married also? you mention they had an affair so I am assuming at least one is married... You mentioned that they are not young kids so I guess they are older as in mature in age. They have been involved for x number of years... Please give these details and I can direct the answer to the question.. Thanks!

[Janet]

Gina, there is more information in the Ask a Man thread.

I think they need to go their separate ways. They are both married and there are too many people to be hurt. If they want to be together, they need to sever the ties with the ones they are with IF there is no way to work out their marriages.

What they did was wrong. I'm not judging them...it's just wrong.

[Tink]

DITTO what Janet said

I think they need to go their separate ways. They are both married and there are too many people to be hurt. If they want to be together, they need to sever the ties with the ones they are with IF there is no way to work out their marriages.

What they did was wrong. I'm not judging them...it's just wrong.

Since shes still married, it shouldn't really matter what he's trying to say... as a married man he has no right to say it to another woman other than his wife. We can't always help how we feel, but we do need to be accountable for what we do.

[judy]

My first husband cheated on me, so I am going to be quite judgemental because I feel I have the right to, having been involved in that experience. I have no respect or use for him. Neither does my daughter. He left the woman he was having his last fling with for someone else. I think (and I told her) that she's an idiot for marrying him, knowing his track record, and his values.

Both parties you are talking about are wrong because they have marriages, may have children, parents, friends, etc. Each one of these will be hurt by the affair. If a marriage isn't working out, they should be mature enough to either work on it, or leave if they can't work it out. Once people are single, they can do what they want.

I suspect the age difference has something to do with the relationship. There's
nothing wrong with it, but put that together with this being a long term affair, it doesn't sound like a stable relationship.

I also can't imagine why 2 people with families would waste their energy on all of this drama. Life is way too short, and it really sounds like both lives are way too complicated by an unstable relationship.

He never said he loves her? He sounds like a real loser!
It sounds like a demeaning, boring, negative waste of time to me.

[jrsygal37]

Thanks for the replies. I will print them out and let her read them. You are right what they are doing is wrong but I'm sure that everyone of us has done things that we are not proud of. For the record, she did not know he was married. He owns a couple of businesses and she had been his client. Due to the nature of his business she actually thought he was gay and felt comfortable being friends. She soon found out he was not gay and so.... By the time she found out he was married she had already fallen head over for him. Just for the record this has not been sexual for quite some time. Not in the sense of the word. He had prostate cancer which obviously changed the relationship. This is when she realized how much she loved him. They've walked away from each other a few times but somehow they keep coming back to each other. If not for anything but just an emotional relationship which in my oppinion is probably more dangerous then a sexual. She not a bad person. Right or wrong she is in love with this man and I think she'd like to be able to walk away but sometimes that is much easier said then done. She's very attractive and in her 30's so she's not desperate, and he's 26 years older then she.

I Thank you again, for the replies and will pass them along.

[Janet]

I really couldn't have said it better myself...Judy...so just forget my post or hey...just add it to this one. Affairs are just plain wrong!