Caution contain's adult situation!!

If he is released, she should get a PFA (protection from abuse) to keep him away from her and her daughter.

And tell your daughter-it is much better for a child to live with one parent who is happy, than with 2 parents who fight.

Even if she wants to try to work things out with him through counseling, she NEEDS to put herself and her daughter FIRST.

[pearl]

all three are rape. *hug* *hug*
yes your daughter does need to put her and her daughter first. one things victims feel is guilt, but she has to get by that. she is not the least guilty. abusers try to get the victims to feel that guilt also and feel things are the victims fault.
he's got to kick the addiction before he can change at all. then he's got so much more to work on, with all else he's done.
being a victim of abuse myself, getting away from them can be the best thing to do. it's all up to him to get better. she can't do it. and, the child has to be protected.
i'm so sorry you are all going through this.

[Chandra Amaya]

I completely agree with the other ladies. Anytime someone is not willing it IS rape. I am so sorry for your daughter and for you to have to go through this. I also agree that even though she did not want the child(ren) to lose a father that he is a role model and does not sound like one that a child should grow up with. She did the right thing. She may also have saved another woman from the same type of abuse. I think you both deserve a hug and she deserves a big pat on the back for doing the hard, but right thing.

I am so sorry your daughter is going through this mess!! I do hope you find a way to convince your daughter she needs to get as far away from this man as she possibly can. As someone who has been through a divorce, I can tell you it can be hard to admit failure. As far as the children go, please remind her that the only thing worse than coming from a broken home is living in one. I am sure your daughter loved and maybe still loves this man, but once drugs take over a life, that person she loves disappears! She owes it to herself and to her daughters to keep them safe. A home where violence occurs and weapons are used to gain the upper hand is NOT a safe place for her, let alone the children. I dispatch Fire and EMS for the city I live in and hear stories and excuses on a daily basis....He loves me.... it wasn't him, it was the drugs/alcohol.... it was my fault, I made him mad..... he would never hurt the kids on purpose..... he says he loves me and it will never happen again. Unfortunately, if it happens once, it usually happens again and only gets worse.

By the way, my name is Teresa. I am new here... this is my first post I was just planning on looking around and trying to "get to know" people, but I couldn't get past this without posting something.

Good luck to you and your family.

[DianaB]

Originally Posted by gypsy43072

I am so sorry your daughter is going through this mess!! I do hope you find a way to convince your daughter she needs to get as far away from this man as she possibly can. As someone who has been through a divorce, I can tell you it can be hard to admit failure. As far as the children go, please remind her that the only thing worse than coming from a broken home is living in one. I am sure your daughter loved and maybe still loves this man, but once drugs take over a life, that person she loves disappears! She owes it to herself and to her daughters to keep them safe. A home where violence occurs and weapons are used to gain the upper hand is NOT a safe place for her, let alone the children. I dispatch Fire and EMS for the city I live in and hear stories and excuses on a daily basis....He loves me.... it wasn't him, it was the drugs/alcohol.... it was my fault, I made him mad..... he would never hurt the kids on purpose..... he says he loves me and it will never happen again. Unfortunately, if it happens once, it usually happens again and only gets worse.

By the way, my name is Teresa. I am new here... this is my first post I was just planning on looking around and trying to "get to know" people, but I couldn't get past this without posting something.

Good luck to you and your family.

Welcome, Teresa!!! I hope that you enjoy 4WT!

[Janet]

Hi Teresa!! Welcome to 4WT.

[lynne b]

I thought this had gotten buried along time ago. Well thing's are not a whole lot better other than he is still in jail. My daughter has chosen to move in with her inlaws, she say's that she want's to work on her marriage. In the mean time we don't go see her and the only time I talk with her is if she calls me, I just cant bring myself to call there and take the chance of one of his family answering the phone. She decided not to take the help that we offered her to start a new life without him. So I feel like I have to step back and let her figure things out her own way even though I dont agree with her.
Thank you all for your replys they all mean so much to me. This has been very hard for me, it has brought many memories, her father did the same thing to me and I did not report it.
Thanks Lynne

[Tink]

Lynne, it's so hard to watch our kids going through something like this. My heart goes out to you.
I think you're doing the only thing that makes any sense though by letting her decide for herself. I hope she realizes what she needs to do before she really gets hurt.

HUGS

[Chandra Amaya]

Welcome Teresa and Lynne, I think as a parent, the hardest thing is to see our kids make the same mistakes we did. My thoughts are with your family through this rough time.

[DianaB]

It's really hard to step back and let our children make their own decisions but your daughter knows that you still love her and are concerned for her. If she really needs you she knows that you'll be there for her.