Not Good News -- Surgery

[Janet]

Thanks everyone....you all truly are the best!!

[AngieDoogles]

Aww, Janet I'm SO sorry to hear this. I was truly hoping that there would be another option besides surgery. I'm sure the surgery will be fine and he'll feel so much better when it's over, but in the mean time I will be praying for you and your family. That must be so hard to deal with! Sending hugs and good thoughts, Janet.

[Gina]

Janet everyone has pretty much said everything that I feel, Rick will be fine, I am just sorry to hear that no one at work asked , thats sad. Especially when you see these people on a day to day basis and spend more time with them then your own family. I am proud of you, you are being strong and everything will work out great , you will see You have a nice family and I have you all in my prayers... Good luck..

[Forgivenmom5]

I'm so sorry Janet. My prayers are with you and your husband. You can just feel your love for him when you talk about him. That will help you both get through this.

[Janet]

Well last night totally sucked!! After he came home and we finished with supper, I was asking him just what did the Dr. say. He told me of course. Then he said that he told the Dr. there were things he needed to take care of (and can you believe he is sooo concerned about being able to go to Scout Camp this summer) and anyway, I told him IF I were him I would have it done asap so he would be able to enjoy his summer. He's worried about a job, because the Dr told him he wouldn't be able to go back to doing what he does now, so he's worried about the future. I told him there is no reason to worry...that there is nothing you can do about it. That he would find something that would be easier on his back. So do you know what he told me........TO GET OFF HIS BACK!!! I just looked at him and said fine....I would never ask him about it again. That if he was going to wait...not to complain about it, because I didn't want to hear it.

If you all knew what I was really feeling now you'd be so ashamed of me. I'm ashamed of myself...so I guess I'll have a 'poor me pity party' for a little while and then get on with the days tasks.

[Mandy]

Janet, i honestly dont think he means to be rude or mean to you, i think hes so nervous about the surgery that he doesnt quite know how to express himself. He knows it has to be done, and will do just about anything to delay it.

[Tink]

I'm sorry he's lashing out at you over this Janet. It is usually the ones we are closest to and know will forgive us that we do that to, but it stinks.

You've offered your support, so if you're now feeling like kicking his butt, that's ok too. (as long as you don't actually do it)

My hubby was told that he wouldn't be able to drive truck after his back injury either, and he's been back at it for a year with no problem. So drs really don't know it all. No one will know for sure if he can go back to work until he's had the surgery and PT following it. I'd tell him to use some of that "attitude" to get through what needs to be done and then see where he's at. Men just can't stand the idea of being laid up. ;(

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Tink

I'm sorry he's lashing out at you over this Janet. It is usually the ones we are closest to and know will forgive us that we do that to, but it stinks.

You've offered your support, so if you're now feeling like kicking his butt, that's ok too. (as long as you don't actually do it)

My hubby was told that he wouldn't be able to drive truck after his back injury either, and he's been back at it for a year with no problem. So drs really don't know it all. No one will know for sure if he can go back to work until he's had the surgery and PT following it. I'd tell him to use some of that "attitude" to get through what needs to be done and then see where he's at. Men just can't stand the idea of being laid up. ;(

I really don't think he'll be able to do the auto body repair after the surgery. He's on hard concrete all day, bending, stooping in all kinds of positions, carrying fenders, bumpers etc.. I just don't think he'll be able to do it without it causing problems.

He's really worried about it how he's gonna support the family, but there are other things out there besides body work. Rick is very selfish when it comes to money...he has to have his stash and knows that he probably won't be able to in another job. I don't know....I'm just tired of it all already, especially with his attitude. We've made it before, we'll make it again..so why worry, but he will until he drives everybody nuts.

Also, I haven't said anything since my last post about his drinking.....well the other day I checked his car and there were empty beer cans under the seat, the empty cardboard cases folded up under the other seat, a white bucket in the very back with empty beer cans in it and a small cooler with 6 unopened beers in it. So that is telling me he lied again about his drinking and is obviously driving while doing it.

It really hard to care for an obvious alcoholic and a liar. Two things I just won't stand for. My sister was married to an alcoholic and I won't do it!!!! It will either stop or he's gone....I'll wait till after his surgery, because I won't be bringing him something to drink..and see how he does, if it starts up again...I'm through!

[Tink]

Janet, I'm sorry he's drinking so much. I wouldn't be able to live with that either. I've known enough alcoholics to realize I don't have the temperment to live with one.

My prayers continue for your family. I hope things go much better than you expect them to.

HUGS

[AngieDoogles]

Janet, I'm so sorry that he has turned to drinking. That must be such a hard position for you to be in. You are so strong though and I know that you and your hubby will make it through this, even though it will not be easy. He seems to be SO stressed and worried about the surgery, maybe after it's over he will be back to his normal self again...or even better! Having you take care of him and spending lots of time together may bring the two of you closer than you've ever been before. He is very lucky to have you and I'm sorry that for the moment he has forgotten that. *HUGS*

[Janet]

Originally Posted by AngieDoogles

Janet, I'm so sorry that he has turned to drinking. That must be such a hard position for you to be in. You are so strong though and I know that you and your hubby will make it through this, even though it will not be easy. He seems to be SO stressed and worried about the surgery, maybe after it's over he will be back to his normal self again...or even better! Having you take care of him and spending lots of time together may bring the two of you closer than you've ever been before. He is very lucky to have you and I'm sorry that for the moment he has forgotten that. *HUGS*

Thanks, he hasn't just turned to drinking. I knew he had a beer now and then, but quite a while back and I posted about it...my son mentioned to me that he thought his Dad drank too much (he always drank out in the garage where I didn't see him). Then my sister-in-law mentioned it. I asked Rick about it and he assured me nooooo that he didn't have any kind of problem, obviously he lied and covered up.

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by Janet

Thanks, he hasn't just turned to drinking. I knew he had a beer now and then, but quite a while back and I posted about it...my son mentioned to me that he thought his Dad drank too much (he always drank out in the garage where I didn't see him). Then my sister-in-law mentioned it. I asked Rick about it and he assured me nooooo that he didn't have any kind of problem, obviously he lied and covered up.

Oh my, Janet! I'm so sorry to hear this! I can't even imagine how you must feel. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Do you know how long this has been going on?

[rivermom]

I can totally understand his jitters and lashing out at you. He's got so much on his mind and as a man the priority is taking care of his family. Even though a lot of men don't go about it just as we would want them to. Hopefully he will do some soul searching, calm himself down, and deal with the surgery as he see's fit.


In regards to the drinking ~ This is a completely different subject. He is not only taking his own life in his hands being behind the wheel intoxicated (or over the legal limit) he is taking other lives into his hands as well.

Janet - I am not going to try to tell you what to do, but from what I can tell by reading your posts it does sound like he's being distructive with the drinking episodes.

But....You probably pretty much know his routine after work. He might stop at a bar on his way home possibly. Or he might stop at the liquor store on his way home possibly. Or he might....Anyway, the point I am trying to make here is that you have the option to notify the police that your husband has been drinking and driving. The police after taking some information from you will plan to follow him on his way home from work.

Now, you would never tell him not ever if you do this. But the police will follow him, stop him, and arrest him if he's beyond the legal limit to drive. This is your hubbies free ticket into therapy and you don't come out as the bad guy, nobody is placed in danger sharing the roads w/ a drinking person who is driving, and he possibly might be ordered to attend AA meetings and seek help.

These are just my thoughts, and again not telling you what to do.

But, let's say I was sharing that same road your hubby was on while drinking. Hmmmm, Id be hoping his wife or loved one was calling the police to have them do what is best.

I am terribly sorry for the stress you are probably feeling right now. It is a very hard situation and serious too.

I only wish the best for all involved.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by AngieDoogles

Oh my, Janet! I'm so sorry to hear this! I can't even imagine how you must feel. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Do you know how long this has been going on?

Oh he's always drank. Mostly a beer here at home, if friends of his came over, while working out in the garage...that sort of thing. Never really saw that he was drinking too much or getting drunk. You can bet my eyes are open now.

[Janet]

Sheryl, I do understand it too, but all he had to say was I need time to think, or I don't want to discuss it now...not "get off my back."

Now that I can see he's drinking more than I thought and obviously while driving, I am totally losing respect. I will be telling him that our son is to drive...never him...ever!!!

He doesn't go to bars or that sort of thing. He just drinks 6 beers on his way home. My sister-in-law tried to tell me, but when I asked him he said no. LIAR!!!

I've thought today about calling the police, just like you suggested, so he doesn't hurt anyone while driving, but if I do that, how is he suppose to get to work? I know that doesn't sound logical, but I really haven't seen him drunk when he comes home. I don't want anyone getting hurt or killed, but if I was to call the police and he loses his license...then it's going to be up to me to support us, he wouldn't be able to drive to work. I don't know what to do.

I'm probably babbleing, but I'm so angry...mad...just all kinds of emotions right now. I really shouldn't even be talking about it here. I'm sure I'll end up saying something so stupid and regret it. It's just too hard to type and think rationally as angry as I still am. I feel I can't even talk with him, because I can't believe him now. I hate liars!!

I just better stop typing and just read for awhile. I need to get over this anger before he comes home or there will be one heck of a blowup and I'll be the one to start it.