Going ballistic

[Janet]

So far, my son and I are very close and he gives me no problems.....but he's also smart enough to know I'd sell his car in less than a minute!!!.....LOL

[judy]

Sheryl - you are so right! The bigger they get, the bigger the problems.

Dear Tink,

You know I feel for you and certainly support you, both for your sake and for your son's. He does have to learn to live on his own.

I have to say though that dh (Greg) is a sweetheart. Although it's not working out, his motives are so loving. I'm so glad that you're married to such a kind man.

You'll work it out. Worst case scenario, change the locks or move, leaving no forwarding address! Seriously, it will happen.

[Tink]

Thanks all.
I pulled Greg aside yesterday and talked with him again about this situation. He said "We can't throw them out just before the holidays!"
So instead of inconveniencing them, I have to keep on living this way.

I love my kids... and my tenderhearted man... but I'm really quite tired of being the one left behind to deal with them 24/7 when they refuse to grow up! So Merry friggin Christmas... I don't even know where I'm supposed to try to put up a tree.

Doug sleeps on the couch and has all his clothes, a small safe, etc stuffed into one corner of the living room. Joel put 2 huge and 4 smaller speakers in the living room to have surround sound on the tv. And this is all above and beyond the usual living room furniture.

Our dining area is in the kitchen, so there's no extra space there either.


17425.gif

[katepoet]

Have them rent a small storage unit for a month and put there junk there- all of it! Then tell them the end of that rental period is the day they must be out! It sucks for th holiday, I know, but at least you can demand your space be tidy and less cluttered with their detritus. Even out in the country, craigslist is a great place to find rentals, short and long term.

[Janet]

Okay, you could get a set of bunk beds or two and move ALL the kids and their things into one bedroom. When they start feeling crowded maybe they'll leave. You know we're on your side..right? We love ya Brenda!!!

[judy]

How about after the holidays?

[Tink]

ROFL Janet, I LOVE the bunk bed idea.
I wish I could get 2 sets of them cheap for just a month... I dare bet it wouldn't take any longer than that. If I set them all up in Joels room, they'd have wall to wall beds.
The 3 of them could sleep there and have a spot for one guest as well! LOL
His room is supposed to be an enclosed porch that lucky for him, is insulated and finished off... but isn't heated or cooled. So he used a window AC unit over summer and a small space heater in winter.

That would at least allow me to claim Katies' bedroom as my den/craft room that it was intended to be.

Once Joels' room is vacated, we plan to use it for the freezer and storage. It's off the back door of the house so even has an outside exit from it. We've lived here 2.5 yrs and because it's been his bedroom, I have never gone out that door.

[rivermom]

Don't give up Tink. Just keep on telling them all how important this is to you. Eventually they will listen right?

[katepoet]

If I wanted bunks I would just post it under wanted on craigslist.org and on freecycle.org and I am sure they would pop up.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Tink

Thanks all.
I pulled Greg aside yesterday and talked with him again about this situation. He said "We can't throw them out just before the holidays!"
So instead of inconveniencing them, I have to keep on living this way.

I love my kids... and my tenderhearted man... but I'm really quite tired of being the one left behind to deal with them 24/7 when they refuse to grow up! So Merry friggin Christmas... I don't even know where I'm supposed to try to put up a tree.

Doug sleeps on the couch and has all his clothes, a small safe, etc stuffed into one corner of the living room. Joel put 2 huge and 4 smaller speakers in the living room to have surround sound on the tv. And this is all above and beyond the usual living room furniture.

Our dining area is in the kitchen, so there's no extra space there either.

Attachment 2215

Tink you are in a bad position. Your husband sounds like the nicest man. If your not going to put them out, btw I am a softie to. lol Just set grounds rules, remind them this is your HOUSE. Today if you get some time make a list of dos and don'ts and stick to your guns. Tell them that you do not run a hotel here and that he is being inconsiderate coming in from work late , doing laundry and whatever he does.. Schedule a laundry time, he has to get up a little earlier in the day. Sorry.

Tink I have my son at home who is still in college. He is a good boy, but he is lazy does nothing around the house. It is like pulling teeth to get him to walk Gucci during the day. I admit I am an italian mother who caters to him so it is my fault. He is doing great in school so I slack off on him. I am bothering him now to go get a part time job for the holidays.My daughter dorms at school when that beauty comes home she does nothing either.. She is always studying and stressed how can I bother her. So yep I am guilty too. Like Sheryl said it is hard being a parent , no manuals to guide you.. Good luck!

[Janet]

See Tink, you're not alone, we all as parents need some help somewhere, somehow. I know one way that helped with my son and hubby was if I picked anything up of theirs (because they were too lazy) it either went in the trash (for them to dig out) or I threw it out the back door. I figured if it was important to them, they'd take care of it and put it where it belongs.

I'm with Gina....since hubby is so kind hearted...write up some rules...don't rush it, think them over and make sure you have everything covered....then tell them to sign it, follow it or get out.

Boy I sound so pushy don't I? I wonder if I'd be able to follow my own advice if the time comes.....LOL

[DianaB]

I'm sorry that you're still dealing with this issue, Tink. I wish that I had a magic wand to wave it your direction so that everything would be worked out. It's really hard to "push" your kids out of the nest as we all know. I have a different suggestion for you. Prayer. Start praying that your children will move out and into their own places. Pray for jobs to open up. It's the best thing that I can recommend to you.

[katepoet]

I like Diana's idea. Prayer can bring you the way to deal with them and some inner peace in the midst of the chaos.

[Forgivenmom5]

I know how you feel Tink. The week I am on chemo almost nothing gets done. Angie and Traci offer but I have 2 kids living here that should be doing it.