bad weekend

[Lindsey]

I don't know what to do and I feel terrible about myself and I can't help how I am. I have a friend I used to be really close to but his girlfriend made him stop talking to me a couple years ago. Now that girlfriend cheated and he threw her out and was left with no friends. We started talking again. On friday night I went out to a friend's birthday party, which Kyle was invited to but decided not to go because he hates my friends. This other guy friend showed up and we hung out for the night and I had a great time seeing him again. Yesterday Kyle asked who was all there and I was truthful and he got mad and refused to talk to me. He thinks just because he's a newly single guy that he's trying to be with me. I guess I have no free will at all, and no mind, and no conscience. I guess whatever a guy tells me to do, I'd just go off and do. He's so scared of some other guy just coming in and taking me away.
Last night I went to his friend's house just because Kyle wanted to watch ufc. He had earlier gotten $740 in relay for life pledges from his family. I told him that was really great but all his friends were all over me about how I could never do that and Kyle is so much better than me and blah blah blah and they were joking but I held in tears, and then they kept talking about how I'm so grumpy and I should loosen up and have a drink but I was too tired I just wanted to go home and sleep. Kyle kept saying he couldn't stay out and play poker because he'd get in trouble with me but I honestly didn't care, but everyone just kept laughing at me.
When we left we went back to his house and I actually did cry and he told me to stop being so wimpy.
Since last year I have had no sex drive. None at all. It disappeared. I don't know if it's in my mind because my last boyfriend betrayed me so bad, or if it's because I switched birth control pills, but I know it's not Kyle. I can look at any attractive guy and my mind doesn't even go there. He gets so angry at me about it. He kept trying last night, and this morning (and every single time I even see him), and I kept avoiding it, and he got mad and frustrated and I just left and I came home and I can't stop crying because I feel like I'm the most terrible girlfriend ever and I don't know what to do. I'm crying so hard I can barely breathe.
I'm sorry I don't have anyone else to talk to