2.5 weeks to go

[pope1982]

I agree Gwen, well said.

I find it difficult talking about a lot of things, or even getting a warm fuzzy feeling from many of the older members of the board. I see a lot of hand slapping, and this shouldn't be posted here....It is not very inviting. I realize you ladies were all friends before we came here, but realize how you may be coming across to someone outside the group. It feels a little like ganging up.

(again, not trying to point fingers here) but a woman posted a picture of her adorable son in the general section, and not a word was said about it being in the wrong section. Personally, sometimes I don't check out all the different areas and I could care less if something ends up in the wrong spot from time to time.

I think this conversation is interesting, perfectly normal, respectful and healthy. If it goes beyond that, by all means. Lock it.

[pope1982]

Originally Posted by Janet

"not once did anyone's feeling get hurt or feel they were being judged by who they were wanting to vote for. We'd just like to keep it that way."

Friends are allowed to disagree and even have hurt feelings. We all have our days... Communication and forgiveness is key if it is a TRUE relationship worth anything. My friends and I are always honest with one another.
It is hard to understand feelings and tones through typed words...

I will not censor myself for fear of hurting any and every one's feelings. I like to think I am a nice person, and if someone has a problem with something I said, I'd definitely like to know.
We are adults, have dealt with much more in life than some typed words, differences in opinion or questions. It can all be dealt with on the board, or in private

[Tink]

OK since we've been invited to lay our cards on the table, I will.

This site up till recently has been very small, laid back and so peaceful we didn't need a moderator. We're all conservative, most are older, we're extremely respectful of each other, and have formed very tight friendships between us all.
We don't necessarily agree on everything, but we make sure that if we don't, we agree to disagree.

Enter all the newbies.
We tried to welcome you all and hoped that having so many new people at one time wouldn't make us all unwelcome in our own territory. We realize we're different from your usual site, and quite frankly, that's the way we prefer it to stay.

Within days we have had our religion ridiculed, have been told we need to be "educated" that we're rude, unwelcoming and need to change. Sorry folks, but this is OUR community and if you don't like it, then maybe you need to look elsewhere. There are plenty of sites where you can land that won't think anything of the things that have offended us. I fail to see why we should have to change what we have built for ourselves and maintained for 2 yrs just so that people who don't believe as we do or want to interact as we do can settle in.

How would you react if a group of rowdy teens moved into your front yard and told you how to run your household and that you'd just have to adjust? That pretty well explains how this feels for me.

I have nothing against any or all of your staying if you truly want to be part of a community like ours. However I do feel strongly that if you expect us to change to accommodate you, then you've come to the wrong place.

[Dobie]

I agree it's your community - newbies should play by your rules.

However, I have not ridiculed anyone's religion, called anyone uneducated, or rude. Yet when I said that I felt an undercurrent of something going on that was unpleasent (by both older members and newcomers) and I thought it might be better for people to be direct with their feelings, I was told that I think I'm perfect. I probably could have worded it better, but it wasn't meant to be offensive.

Also, I tried to reach out with a thread of my own - talking about something deeply personal to me. For the most part everyone ignore me and I was basically told (although nicely) that nobody was interested in my drama and that I should go to a different site.

I personally liked this site because I thought it offered a group of women who came at life with a slightly different viewpoint from my own and reading how different people think helps me to grow as a person.

[Tink]

Dobie, the reason I referred you to the other site is that I am also a member there, and I worked there for 6 yrs so I KNOW the quality of help they would offer you. It was not intended to get rid of you... and I'm sorry if you saw it that way. The TTC part of that site is extremely active, and I know several who have great stories to tell of how successful they were. TLT is a good person there to talk with. She now has 2 daughters and has been on that site since long before they were conceived.

I was the moderator/coordinator of that area, so I know it well. Here that I know of, no one has experienced what you are. Janet adopted, but most of the rest of us either have grown kids and grandbabies by now or like with Angie and Lindsey, haven't started a family yet.

I would love to have you stay with us. Please don't leave because of me.

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by Dobie

I agree it's your community - newbies should play by your rules.

However, I have not ridiculed anyone's religion, called anyone uneducated, or rude. Yet when I said that I felt an undercurrent of something going on that was unpleasent (by both older members and newcomers) and I thought it might be better for people to be direct with their feelings, I was told that I think I'm perfect. I probably could have worded it better, but it wasn't meant to be offensive.

Also, I tried to reach out with a thread of my own - talking about something deeply personal to me. For the most part everyone ignore me and I was basically told (although nicely) that nobody was interested in my drama and that I should go to a different site.

I personally liked this site because I thought it offered a group of women who came at life with a slightly different viewpoint from my own and reading how different people think helps me to grow as a person.

I have a lot I could have added to your thread. A WHOLE LOT. But right now, unfortunately, this forum is not a place where I feel comfortable sharing anything personal. (I'm not saying it's your fault, just the overall feel of the forum since new people have come and not even tried to fit in but instead made their own cliques and excluded the rest of us except when they want to debate or attack.) This is truly sad because this place has become so special to me and is really the only place I have to talk about issues such as the one your thread was about. The community and atmosphere here might not mean much to the new members, but we "senior members" have time and friendships that are invested in this site. We really do love and care for each other and respect individual opinions and beliefs.

For quite some time now many women from many places and many walks of life have never had a problem getting along here. We've discussed religion, books, politics, relationships, pets, sex and countless other topics and we've always been open and respectful to each other. No member was ever attacked or ridiculed in any way. That's the way we like it and maybe someday the new members will understand the value of the type of community we've built here.

[pope1982]

I do not try to speak for anyone besides myself, but I most certainly have tried to fit in. I have posted my honest responses to every ones threads and invited others to join in the ones I started.
I don't always have all the time in the world to hop on and view/respond to every post.

I feel a little like "whoa" when just told this was "YOUR" site... and if I didn't like it, to kick rocks when this is supposed to be a site worried about offending people? I am a "newbie" but that doesn't make me anything other than newer to this site. How in the world would new people (some of which you are not even sure will stick around, the same as with any site) have the ability to threaten your "territory"? Wouldn't you want to extend your community and friendships?

I don't think it should be considered any one's site.
And I don't think it should be so very difficult to get along, or get jumped on when we express ourselves. Although I must have missed a lot of the drama brought up in this thread, I still had very strange feelings.
Apparently all the unwanted vibes I was picking up on were warranted judging by what Tink had on her mind.

I've belonged to a few sites where this has happened. The senior members incorrectly and unfairly judged newbies, labeling them all pretty much the same with out taking into consideration they are all human individuals. It did take a few of the members stepping back, and distancing themselves a bit before they realized what they were doing.

We are not here to steal your site. And Angie, that makes me so sad to hear you say that because I have enjoyed learning the little bit that I have about you, your husband, your hobbies and where you live.

With that said, I have my own mind. I am not ganging up on anyone. I saw a discussion taking place, and I happened to be around today to share my two cents.

[Emmsmom]

Originally Posted by Dobie

I agree it's your community - newbies should play by your rules.

However, I have not ridiculed anyone's religion, called anyone uneducated, or rude. Yet when I said that I felt an undercurrent of something going on that was unpleasent (by both older members and newcomers) and I thought it might be better for people to be direct with their feelings, I was told that I think I'm perfect. I probably could have worded it better, but it wasn't meant to be offensive.

You are referring to what I said earlier. I was not directing that towards you. I was simply meant that I am not prefect and I often let my feelings slip out. It was just a saying.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by pope1982

Friends are allowed to disagree and even have hurt feelings. We all have our days... Communication and forgiveness is key if it is a TRUE relationship worth anything. My friends and I are always honest with one another.
It is hard to understand feelings and tones through typed words...

I will not censor myself for fear of hurting any and every one's feelings. I like to think I am a nice person, and if someone has a problem with something I said, I'd definitely like to know.
We are adults, have dealt with much more in life than some typed words, differences in opinion or questions. It can all be dealt with on the board, or in private

You have hit the nail on the head, it is hard to understand feelings and tones through typed words. Hey I have not been around reading all the posts but whatever is being said seems like it is getting ugly. Everyone is entitled to their opinions yes but if you see that it is going to hurt someone's feeling back off no one needs to put people in their place. This community is about friendships and yes we all do not always agree on everything we all have our beliefs but We respect each other's feelings. Yes we are mature women, but with maturity comes the knowledge to know when to back off. I am not pointing fingers at anyone and everyone is welcomed here.

As one of the senior members who have been here since this community opened I find it sad to see the direction that this room is heading. Everyone should just put their ill feelings aside and begin anew once again all are welcomed. Let's move forward this is begining to get childish .

[pearl]

i was told my religious views are wrong by an old member.
so i think if members want to keep the conservative, religious, certain views it should be posted that other views are not welcome, to new members.
i did chime on posts to help people, talk about guitar, job interview by tink, etc...and there are a lot of viewpoints out there in the world.

people can get along.

[Tink]

I don't think it should be considered any one's site.

See Pope, that is one thing we won't agree on. We have been here as a group and have set our standards and have maintained a level of behavior that is hard to find online. I've been at many different sites, I've worked at 3... I really do know more than I care to about what else is "out there". So do the others, and this is WHY we've chosen to stay here. Not that we feel we're any better than others, but we are just not into the mainstream site behavior. Yes, it's true that people have the right to conduct themselves however they see fit, but it's also true that we have the same right to not participate in it if we choose not to. So this has become OUR site.

We welcome new members if they are interested in a community like ours, but we don't roll over and play dead while they run over us. I started here later than many of the senior members, and I stayed because I found them to be a warm and wonderful group to be friends with. But I joined with the intention of joining them... not "fixing' them.

The senior members incorrectly and unfairly judged newbies, labeling them all pretty much the same with out taking into consideration they are all human individuals. It did take a few of the members stepping back, and distancing themselves a bit before they realized what they were doing.

Here again it's OUR wrong doing according to you.
We didn't jump into your circle and start demanding anything of you. YOU all came here... We welcomed you and would like to be able to be friends, but we shouldn't have to feel we have to run and hide because someone new hasl arrived!

It's different when people come slowly and one or 2 at a time. When you come here already an obvious clique and start overpowering those who are already here, you should expect we're going to protest. It's hard to get to know anyone individually when you've arrived enmass. Given time I'm sure it will gt easier, but it seems each time there's a disagreement, more new people hop in to back up whoever is trying to "teach" us... so it's hard not to feel attacked.

[pearl]

Originally Posted by Tink

But I joined with the intention of joining them... not "fixing' them.

i get a definite vibe that people here want to "fix" and exclude, and that's not something i enjoy, so i will vacate.

Well it is very clear now, I definitely don’t belong on this forum. I like to have fun, speak my mind, be opinionated, get to know people, learn about others opinions and views, I like to learn from others and have them learn from me…that is, after all, how we grow as people. This site is clearly not the place for that. There are some very closed minds on this site, but you all clearly enjoy it that way and enjoy each other, so I will also vacate.

I joined this forum based on an email I got from a friend who had joined here and liked it. When more people started finding out about it as well, we actually all talked about being concerned about how ya'll would feel about so many people joining at once. We honestly didn't want to overwhelm ya'll. So honestly, we were all trying to keep your feelings in mind when we joined, we truly were.

I for one was really enjoying the atmosphere here and thought it would be a neat forum to be a part of. But then there was that religious thread. I think I said something to the effect of reincarnation and someone responded with "There is NO reincarnation" and put the 'no' in caps. Ya'll say this is such a mellow forum where no one judges, but that doesn't seem to be the case. If people don't judge people here, then why didn't that person put, "I personally don't believe in reincarnation, I believe....." Instead they worded it in a very direct, 'you're wrong' sort of way. I don't think that thread was meant to ridicule anyone's beliefs by any means. Just that, and I'm just speaking for myself here, I had noticed that God was mentioned a lot in many of the responses on this forum. So maybe the OP was just trying to get a feel of everyone's beliefs since religion was brought up so much? I don't think it was meant in a hurtful way.

And the same thing with this thread. It talked about breeding and whatnot, but when someone said something (that still pertained to the original subject matter) it all of a sudden wasn't okay. I could understand if a newbie started a pet thread and was told that those issues should be discussed elsewhere, but an older member started this thread. So us newbies assumed it was okay.

Or, as it was brought to my attention, someone brought up Harry Potter books in a general section or something. I guess another member didn't feel comfortable with a book being discussed outside the book area. But she had responded in someone else's thread about the book they were reading, and that thread wasn't in the book section either but she didn't seem to have a problem with that thread.

And I personally have tried to respond to other people's threads and not just the group of friends I already knew. But in all honesty, I noticed that a lot of the older members weren't responding to the threads of a lot of the new members either. So it goes both ways.

I can see how ya'll would think of this as your forum, as I have one that I feel that way as well. I get protective of the members because they are my dear friends. I can see how you wouldn't want to upset the balance ya'll have created. But if you alienate people along the way, it comes across as really exclusive. And if it were a private forum, that would really make sense. But since it's public, can you sort of see how it's easy for some of us to get confused when some things are allowed sometimes, and not others?

[Marilyn]

Apparently, I missed all the fuss. Hope things can settle down a bit and all who want to try to work on our site and our relationships will stay and try.