Changes

[DianaB]

Lindsey, I didn't realize that all of this was going on!! I haven't kept up with all the posts on here. Wow!! You do have some important decisions to make!! I'm glad that you've talked this over with your parents and Scott. Less stress is definitely an important factor. Keep us informed. Hugs!!

[Lindsey]

Thanks Diana!
Another factor Scott and I discussed last night was that we'd have the same job and although we wouldn't always be on the same projects, I think it would still put some competition in our relationship. His boss said he wanted to start us at the same salary, but after a year we would both get raises based on our performance. If one of us got a better raise than the other, we'd be wondering why the other person did better and I think it could lead to some resentment. I really don't think I can work with him again. We did okay here together for a year, but we weren't ALWAYS together. He would be out of town sometimes on jobs, or he'd be helping out in the lab, or he'd be home on banked time. But even the little we were together, we still had some problems from it.

[DianaB]

It sounds like you've really thought things through. I think that you've got a keeper in Scott so protecting your relationship is a good idea.

[gja1000]

Gosh Lindsay! I don't know how I missed this!!!

I can tell you one thing, I have worked for 30 years in a career that I have loved every minute of. It DID NOT pay me what I could have earned in a different type of position. For example, hospital administration pays MUCH MUCH better - but it is SO SO SO stressful and the hours a very very long and tedious. I wouldn't trade my lower paying job for any type of hospital administration job - not for all the tea in China! There is a lot to be said for sanity and peace!

You have carefully considered everything, by the sounds of it and you have made a good decision. Good luck!

[Lindsey]

Gayle, I feel the same way. I would much rather be less stressed. I don't handle stress very well at all.

When I was working in the lab at this company, the job was quite easy but I never knew if I would get a lunch break that day, or what time I would get home at night, or if somebody would call me to be out on site before I even got out of bed in the morning. On top of that, there were quite a few men on the construction sites who didn't like having a woman telling them their materials weren't passing, and then there were others who really liked having a woman on site. There's no worse feeling than getting and education and working really hard at your job and coming on site for an older man to call you "baby" instead of using your name I was living with my grandma for that 8 months, and she fed me more than I've ever eaten, yet I still managed to drop about 30 lbs, handfuls of hair fell out in the shower, and my friends and coworkers started telling me how awful I looked.

Sometimes I feel that I'm not working to my potential because I'm just using a small amount of the knowledge I got from college. On the other hand, I've taken that knowledge and really expanded it with the extra courses I've taken since being out of school. Maybe it's better to be REALLY GOOD at one thing, than just kind of good at everything else.

[judy]

Reaching your potential is not always work related, I think. Actually, it has taken me many years of just living to feel that I have reached my potential in some areas, and haven't in others. But, I'm not dead yet! There's always something new to conquer. I think it's more a cumulative thing than just work.

Anyway, my father taught me that you should love what you do. If you don't, then pursue something that you do love. Money is important, but since you spend so much time at your job, enjoying your work is also very, very important.

It sounds like you made a good choice Linds.

[Lindsey]

Originally Posted by judy

Reaching your potential is not always work related, I think.

Thanks for that, Judy. I am content at my job. The money is enough, I can support myself, pay a mortgage, and have enough left over for travel and fun. It's not usually very stressful. I would rather work to live than live to work. I like that I have my stress-free spare time to work on being a good girlfriend, a good friend, a good daughter, a good "aunt" to adorable little girls, and a good "mommy" to Layla In a few years I would love to be married, I would love to have kids, and when that point comes work won't be the most important thing in my life anyway.

I sent a professionally written email to the recruitment guy with a cc to Scott's boss, saying I thanked them for considering my application but at this point I have decided to stay where I am. I let them know I would be open to future possibilities.

This morning I had received an email from the boss. Instead of the dear blah blah, regards blah blah , professional email I had written, I got a salutation of "Morning" followed by a paragraph of how unfortunate my decision is and he thought they offered me more experience than I could get here, and an abrupt ending of "May I ask what was the deciding factor?" The end.

I am not quite sure what to say, although I think I should reply. It really isn't anyone's business what the deciding factor was because the fact is I'm not going to take it. He let me know that I would just have to give him a simple yes or no with the offer, but I think at that time he was sure my answer would be "yes"

[judy]

They really wanted you! I think a very professional reason, like how you are working on several projects that you cannot leave in the middle, would be good.

I did that once, and ended up being pursued for a year, and working for a principal years ago. She loved that I was so dedicated, and it turned out to be my favorite teaching experience. I wasn't ready when she wanted me at first.

[Lindsey]

Unfortunately, Scott has already let him know that we are VERY slow here. I have barely done any work in the past month. But, Scott also let him know I don't want to screw over the company without anyone here to replace me, because I'm the only one left with any knowledge of this program. He brought that up in the interview by saying "You can be loyal but it won't get you very far"

A friend of mine who works there started talking to me on Facebook Monday morning before I had emailed him back with my reasons. I hadn't talked to her in about a year. She said she heard I didn't take the job and wondered if it just wasn't what I was looking for. I was honest with her and said Scott and I weighed the pros and cons and decided it wasn't worth risking our relationship at this time. She asked why I even applied then and I explained that I didn't try to apply after Scott got the job, and that their boss insisted on seeing me even after Scott told him I wasn't interested. She didn't know that. I asked her how she liked it there and she said "Could be better, but could be worse too I guess" and after our short chat, she had to get back to work.

So then Scott got an email from his boss saying he knows I didn't want the job now and that he wishes I would have started there but I told this girl that I wasn't interested in the first place... which makes me think maybe he put her up to talking to me In the interview when he mentioned her name I was surprised and told him that I knew that girl and was friends with her since we went to college together. So it makes me a little upset that not only did he use a personal relationship of mine to get information, he also ran to Scott to let him know how disappointed he was It just seems to be a very unprofessional way of handling it.

So since I knew he already knew the real reason, I basically said that my decision had nothing to do with the company, the amount of experience I'd gain, or the salary, but I decided to keep my best personal interests in mind. I said that Scott and I talked it over and decided it would be best to keep our personal and professional lives separate. I told him it's a great company and it would have been a great opportunity but at this time I don't think it's the best decision for my life.

He replied "Understandable. If you change your mind, let me know"