Is it normal...

To feel scared about getting married as time gets closer? I feel like lately Rob and I have been arguing a lot. I know we're both under a lot of pressure, but its like he's gotten so sensitive to everything and so have I. Then it's like stuff we've planned TOGETHER he suddenly wants to cancel and it's like HEY I'M IN THIS RELATIONSHIP TOO, YOU CAN'T JUST CANCEL WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT. I don't know maybe the arguing and worrying has got me all wound up. Is it normal to feel like this??

[Mandy]

It most definatly is normal to feel that way! I got married in 2004, and remember having the jitters, and cold feet all too well.
It's a big step in your life, and a day you will never forget.
Try not to stress too much, because it all turns out just fine in the end.
My worste fear was my wedding dress that was getting bigger, and bigger each time i had to go for a fitting, i wouldnt stop losing weight.
We seem to think, that the guys dont worry like we do, but they do, just the same.
Try to enjoy all the preperations, and do as much as you can together, it's a lot of fun, just try stay relaxed.

Thanks Mandy. We just started living together too so it's hard for me to adjust. It just feels like he's overbearing at times but I don't know if that's just because I'm used to living by myself..lol..I just want my own space..lol..I dont want to do his laundry, just mine. He's so helpful with the house and everything, but he's been so moody, that I feel like we're both walking on eggshells so we don't fight.

[Mandy]

I catch your "drift" and yes, it's a challenge, your whole life is turned around, at times you will wonder "what have i done?" but thats part of the parcel lol
When you feel, you need space, take your babies out, and go for a walk. It's not good to walk on eggshells to avoid an argument, it's better to lay it out now, so that he knows what you expect, and it's no crime to teach a man how to work a laundry machine lol
Has he given you the reason why hes moody? Sometimes guys have stress at work, and as strange as it sounds, they "take it out" on those closest to them.

Originally Posted by Mandy

I catch your "drift" and yes, it's a challenge, your whole life is turned around, at times you will wonder "what have i done?" but thats part of the parcel lol
When you feel, you need space, take your babies out, and go for a walk. It's not good to walk on eggshells to avoid an argument, it's better to lay it out now, so that he knows what you expect, and it's no crime to teach a man how to work a laundry machine lol
Has he given you the reason why hes moody? Sometimes guys have stress at work, and as strange as it sounds, they "take it out" on those closest to them.

WE got in a huge blow out fight the other night, and it WASN'T EVEN ANYTHING TO DO WITH US. He's pissed at his boss, he was upset with his family and I was his first moving target. We talked through it and he admited he was in the wrong but it still bothered me that it happened period. I always start the laundry and he folds or helps fold them, but I still want to be a brat and not do them at all. I swear when he says " HONEY CAN WE DO LAUNDRY TONIGHT" I just want to stick my toothbrush up his nose..lol..Is that bad??

[Janet]

Originally Posted by vainchick5

WE got in a huge blow out fight the other night, and it WASN'T EVEN ANYTHING TO DO WITH US. He's pissed at his boss, he was upset with his family and I was his first moving target. We talked through it and he admited he was in the wrong but it still bothered me that it happened period. I always start the laundry and he folds or helps fold them, but I still want to be a brat and not do them at all. I swear when he says " HONEY CAN WE DO LAUNDRY TONIGHT" I just want to stick my toothbrush up his nose..lol..Is that bad??

As long as you keep the communication going things should be alright. It's normal to have the feelings you're having. Don't fight your feelings, let them come, feel them, understand why you're feeling this way and get through them......together.

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by Janet

As long as you keep the communication going things should be alright. It's normal to have the feelings you're having. Don't fight your feelings, let them come, feel them, understand why you're feeling this way and get through them......together.

Great advice Janet! I completely agree.

[Mandy]

Originally Posted by vainchick5

WE got in a huge blow out fight the other night, and it WASN'T EVEN ANYTHING TO DO WITH US. He's pissed at his boss, he was upset with his family and I was his first moving target. We talked through it and he admited he was in the wrong but it still bothered me that it happened period. I always start the laundry and he folds or helps fold them, but I still want to be a brat and not do them at all. I swear when he says " HONEY CAN WE DO LAUNDRY TONIGHT" I just want to stick my toothbrush up his nose..lol..Is that bad??

LMAO@ the toothbrush - but no it's not bad.... it's what you feeling, just dont ignore what you feel, face it, and get it out, let him know what's bothering you.

[RLC12345678]

Hey Nobella!! Long time, no see! Just wanted to tell you that it is PERFECTLY normal to feel like you are feeling. The 6 months Will and I were engaged were the worst 6 months of our relationship! We fought constantly because we were both SO stressed trying to juggle our relationship, school, moving, graduation, job, family, friends, etc. etc. Our premarital marriage counselor (preacher) also told us that alot of couples fight during their engagment subconsciously because you subconsciously try to push each other away to make sure the other won't leave and that they are there to stay, through the good and the bad, if that makes any sense. I'm not saying that Will & I never argue and fight now after 2 years of marriage, because we definately do, but our marriage is great. Some arguing is healthy. You and your fiance just need to have an understanding that come what may, yall are committed to each other and will be there for each other through all the stressful times and all the good times alike! Just consider this time of stress as a test, because I can assure you that there will be MANY MANY more times like this in your life. Our marriage counselor warned us, and he was absolutely right, that you are going to wake up some mornings and think to yourself, "What the heck did I get myself into?" "Why did I get married" etc. But you've just got to stick with it. That's what marriage and committment is all about.

[judy]

It's called "froze toes." You're both going through a lot of changes. Getting married and arranging for the wedding is bad enough, but getting used to living together at the same time is a double stress.

Just take it easy and do one day at a time, or, if necessary, 10 minutes at a time. I think Janet said it beautifully.

I love the idea of sticking a toothbrush up his nose. That's fabulous.



PS Both of my exes did the laundry. I just didn't do it, and eventually they had no choice. I always have a good month's worth of underwear so I can wait out any husband. Same with ironing and dish washing, and eventually grocery shopping.
I'm not at all domestic though, and not such a good role model for compromise.

Thank you all for your wonderful advice. It's so good to know I'm feelings normal things. I was so worried. Rebecca your post was especially comforting especially because I know you guys got married fairly recently. Sometimes I feel that weirdness and than most of the times I think "HOW LUCKY AM I. I HAVE THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN!" He cleans the house, washes the dishes when I cook, he brings me flowers, he's affectionate and when I do the laundry he folds it all. He's great in 98% of the things that matter to me. Sometimes he just gets too defensive and it makes me think twice about things because then we end up getting into huge arguments. But I guess it sounds like it comes with the territory. We've just had so much stress and drama stemming from moving and weddings, and our own wedding. It's nuts! Well I don't know what I'd do with out you ladies

[RLC12345678]

Nobella, I understand completely!!!!! Any chance you and your fiance are the same birth order? I mean, are you both the baby or both the middle child or both the oldest? The reason I ask is because couples that are the same birth order tend to argue more than couples that are different birth orders. My hubby and I are both first borns, which means we are both stubborn as h*ll, and we tend to argue alot. But, when we DO argue, I just have to sit back and think of all the GOOD things about my hubby before I make decisions in the heat of the moment. Like your fiance, my hubby cooks, cleans, does laundry, brings me flowers, helps with the dogs, etc. The way I see it, I'm probably going to argue a ton with ANYONE I'm with. I'm pretty lucky to have someone like my hubby who does all those things around the house. Nothing is ever perfect. Marriage is DEFINATELY not perfect. It's HARD and it takes committment to make it work.

Originally Posted by RLC12345678

Nobella, I understand completely!!!!! Any chance you and your fiance are the same birth order? I mean, are you both the baby or both the middle child or both the oldest? The reason I ask is because couples that are the same birth order tend to argue more than couples that are different birth orders. My hubby and I are both first borns, which means we are both stubborn as h*ll, and we tend to argue alot. But, when we DO argue, I just have to sit back and think of all the GOOD things about my hubby before I make decisions in the heat of the moment. Like your fiance, my hubby cooks, cleans, does laundry, brings me flowers, helps with the dogs, etc. The way I see it, I'm probably going to argue a ton with ANYONE I'm with. I'm pretty lucky to have someone like my hubby who does all those things around the house. Nothing is ever perfect. Marriage is DEFINATELY not perfect. It's HARD and it takes committment to make it work.

He's the middle child and I'm the youngest of 2. Boy am I glad he wasn't the youngest..lol..You are so wise It's so hard to think of anything good about the other person when you're in the heat of the moment but I will have to try that. Thanks for giving me amazing advice!