I'm Ticked

[Ponyup]

I'm so pissed off right now, & I'm even more mad because I don't want to be pissed.

Here's the story, My husband & I hang out with a friend of mine for high school & his wife. His wife is a very attractive girl. My husband is very shy, but as he gets to know people he becomes more friendly; however, I think he's becoming too friendly with her. My husband is not a jealous person at all, but I am very jealous. Sat. night we were hanging out getting drunk for St. Patrick's day & I thought he was being overly friendly with her. I was also pissed because he told her we were using our bonuses to get a hot tub which hadn't been decided yet. I was pissed at him most of sunday, but we ended up hashing it out & I thought we were cool. Well come to find out he texted her last night after we got back from hot tub shopping telling her we were getting one that would be delivered in a few weeks (again this has not been decided yet). He did not tell me he was texting her, I found out from her husband who IM'ed me & told me that she got a text saying we were getting a hot tub. A text I had no knowledge of. I just called him pissed & he claimed it was an experiment to see if she'd tell mark (there tends to be a communication disconnect between the two). I wanna believe him, but I don't. I told him I don't want him having contact with her that I don't know about. Am I being to harsh? I don't wanna be jealous, but this is so unlike him.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Ponyup

I'm so pissed off right now, & I'm even more mad because I don't want to be pissed.

Here's the story, My husband & I hang out with a friend of mine for high school & his wife. His wife is a very attractive girl. My husband is very shy, but as he gets to know people he becomes more friendly; however, I think he's becoming too friendly with her. My husband is not a jealous person at all, but I am very jealous. Sat. night we were hanging out getting drunk for St. Patrick's day & I thought he was being overly friendly with her. I was also pissed because he told her we were using our bonuses to get a hot tub which hadn't been decided yet. I was pissed at him most of sunday, but we ended up hashing it out & I thought we were cool. Well come to find out he texted her last night after we got back from hot tub shopping telling her we were getting one that would be delivered in a few weeks (again this has not been decided yet). He did not tell me he was texting her, I found out from her husband who IM'ed me & told me that she got a text saying we were getting a hot tub. A text I had no knowledge of. I just called him pissed & he claimed it was an experiment to see if she'd tell mark (there tends to be a communication disconnect between the two). I wanna believe him, but I don't. I told him I don't want him having contact with her that I don't know about. Am I being to harsh? I don't wanna be jealous, but this is so unlike him.

I am trying to be objective here, for starters your husband telling your friends wife about purchasing a hot tub whether it was decided or not should not merit you to get pissed over that. He was just probably making conversation. Now for him text messaging her that was wrong, I do think he did it innocently and by all means your friends wife didnt hide it from her husband. Why would it be important to him? , too experiement whether your friend's wife communicates with her husband. I don't feel that is his place to do that. I am trying to put myself in your situation and if my husband was texting a friend's wife, I wouldn't like it , unless he was doing it for a reason, if she asked for a favor etc. I am not his keeper, but to text a woman to say that he was purchasing something is not a valid reason. Unless they are good friends.This is just my opionion , I am sure the others will chime in.

[RLC12345678]

I dunno. My hubby has friends that are girls that he talks to on a regular basis in person, on the phone, and via text messages. And I also have guy friends that I do the same thing with. Unless you suspect your hubby is doing something inapprorpiate with her, then I wouldn't worry.

[Ponyup]

I think that's what bothers me, she's not his friend, she the wife of my friend. If they were friends before I might not care. I guess I'm really upset he's having contact with her that I don't know about. I found out about this, but is there other contact I don't know about. & yes I am very jealous & very paranoid. I do have guy friends, but I was friends with them before I was married. And she is a very attractive girl. A guess a little back ground; my husband is not chatty, flirty, or touchy feelie. He never was one to put his arm around me or hold my hand, even when we were dating, but sat. night he put his arm around her. I don't think i'm jealous that he'll cheat on me with her, I think I'm envious of the attention he gives her that he never gave me.

[Gina]

Then you should tell him exactly how you feel, it doesn't matter if she is attractive, looks have nothing to do with anything. The issue here is that you are not comfortable with him doing something that is out of characater for him, <putting his arm around her> when he never did or does it to you. Don't beat around the bush, tell him that you don't like it...He may not even realize that he did it , or that it bothers you. As far as being jealous and parnoid, thats another issue. I have never been the jealous type .but if I was given a reason to be I don't think I would last with that person.

[Janet]

Communicate....Communicate.....Communicate!!!

You have got to keep the lines of communication open. Discuss this with him, tell him how you feel. But don't do it in an accusing way...there is no proof that anything is wrong. Just talk it out.

[Mandy]

I think, since he is shy, and the quiet withdrawn type of guy, that he feels comfortable with her, i honestly dont think he would put hes arm around her while you are there if he has "more" in mind.
I understand your "jealousy" about this, i wouldnt like it either. Even though im not a jealous type at all, it would bother me.
Talk to him, and tell him straigh out, you dont like what hes doing.

[Tink]

I'm sorry you're unhappy about this. I think the only way to deal with it is to be honest and open about how you're feeling, which it does sound like you're doing.

My hubby adores my best friend. They hug and joke around like old pals, and I'm just glad they sincerely like each other! She is much prettier than I am, is very outgoing and fun... but I'm not jealous because I know neither of them are the type of person who would have any respect for themselves if they cheated.

Hubby is an over the road semi driver, so is gone most of the time. He is friends with female drivers who he has called and have called him on the rare time that he's home. Only once did it bother me, and that time it turned out I was right... Greg didn't have shady motives. but the woman did! Once he figured out what she was interested in with him, he told me and cut off ties with her right away. She used to do some modeling, was a college professor, and just seemed to have it ALL going on. Yet she wasn't able to lure Greg into something he didn't feel right about.

I really think either someone is trustworthy or they aren't... if they are, you really have little to worry about. If they aren't, being jealous isn't going to change them one iota.

HUGS
I hope this turns out well for you.

[Ponyup]

Originally Posted by Janet

Communicate....Communicate.....Communicate!!!

You have got to keep the lines of communication open. Discuss this with him, tell him how you feel. But don't do it in an accusing way...there is no proof that anything is wrong. Just talk it out.

See I thought we had talked it out, I told him that it wasn't anything to do with her, it was the fact he doesn't do it with me that hurt me more. He claims he was drunk & had I been sitting there he would of put his arm around me. I don't wanna not trust him, but it feels weird for him to talk to someone besides me. He doesn't talk to anyone & that's what I like about him, I know that sounds selfish, but it's true. I know he likes her because they end up talking while my friend & i reminisk about people they don't know. However, i know that when she gets drunk she tells him that she's unhappy with my friend, or they don't have sex very often things like that. I'm just afraid of them getting close because that's when cheating starts. I honestly believe that he would never cheat on me, but I also know i would just die if he ever did. Cheating isn't something I can forgive, but I couldn't lose him either because he's my everything.

[Ponyup]

Originally Posted by Tink

I really think either someone is trustworthy or they aren't... if they are, you really have little to worry about. If they aren't, being jealous isn't going to change them one iota.

Thanks for this. He is a good guy, he treats me well & he's very trustworthy & we do everything together. You're probably right, it's just hard to tell yourself not to feel something. I'm a very emotional person & even though I know in my head he would never cheat, I have a hard time convincing my feelings of that fact.

[rivermom]

I am trying to think of myself in your position and how Id feel. Honestly, if I knew hubby was text msg'ng a female that I was not friends with I doubt Id be happy with it.

Hubby and I both have "couple" friends. Once in a great while I will call the guy friend but it's normally because hubby tells me too since he didn't have time. And usually there is a reason for such call.

And personally I have a guy buddy but both hubby and I are friends with. I contact him on a regular basis because it's horse related and my horse is in his care. Yes, we have hung out a time or two down at the river but there have always been other folks around. But...I don't sit and call him or text him "just to chat".

I realize it all depends on the situation at hand and in no way do I want to say no or yes to your situation. But honestly, a womens intuition is very STRONG. And if you are uncomfy w/ the situation then I feel you have every reason to stop that situation. Your marriage comes first, friends second imo. If ANY friend ever came between hubby and I, Id have to confront the situation and make changes to please my marriage. At times, it has called for losing a friend.

I do agree with the other posts in that it would be best to completely open up to hubby about it and express your feelings. There's a reason for your jealousy and I seriously doubt it's just because she is attractive.

I hope it all works out in the end because bottom line is the two of you are the priority, all else falls second.

[rivermom]

Originally Posted by Ponyup

See I thought we had talked it out, I told him that it wasn't anything to do with her, it was the fact he doesn't do it with me that hurt me more. He claims he was drunk & had I been sitting there he would of put his arm around me. I don't wanna not trust him, but it feels weird for him to talk to someone besides me. He doesn't talk to anyone & that's what I like about him, I know that sounds selfish, but it's true. I know he likes her because they end up talking while my friend & i reminisk about people they don't know. However, i know that when she gets drunk she tells him that she's unhappy with my friend, or they don't have sex very often things like that. I'm just afraid of them getting close because that's when cheating starts. I honestly believe that he would never cheat on me, but I also know i would just die if he ever did. Cheating isn't something I can forgive, but I couldn't lose him either because he's my everything.

OMG! First off for this lady to open up to your hubby about her sex life is totally uncalled for and not appropriate whatsoever! No male and female should EVER discuss personal information about the sex life within their own marriage to another male or female. What happens in the marriage bedroom is to stay in the marriage bedroom unless all couples involved kinda just chat/joke about it. But in this ladies situation to be opening up to your hubby just aint cool at all.

Adding booze to the situation just makes it all the worst. Don't even get me started on this subject. WOW

I've been down that cheating road before, plus I've been cheated on. I've seen this sorta chat amongst "just friends" take place and well....it always leads to stuff that isn't moral.

I am older and wiser now and can clearly see the writing on the wall in this situation. It makes me shake my head back and forth.

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by rivermom

OMG! First off for this lady to open up to your hubby about her sex life is totally uncalled for and not appropriate whatsoever! No male and female should EVER discuss personal information about the sex life within their own marriage to another male or female. What happens in the marriage bedroom is to stay in the marriage bedroom unless all couples involved kinda just chat/joke about it. But in this ladies situation to be opening up to your hubby just aint cool at all.

Adding booze to the situation just makes it all the worst. Don't even get me started on this subject. WOW

I've been down that cheating road before, plus I've been cheated on. I've seen this sorta chat amongst "just friends" take place and well....it always leads to stuff that isn't moral.

I am older and wiser now and can clearly see the writing on the wall in this situation. It makes me shake my head back and forth.

I agree with Sheryl. Talking about your sex life with someone of the opposite sex (besides your spouse) may just be "testing the water" to get the person's reaction. That doesn't sound like a healthy friendship at all and on top of that, you are uncomfortable with the situation. That should be enough for him to reconsider having this woman as a part of his life, especially as a close friend.

I would definitely talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. Again. And ask him how he would like to see this resolved. Tell him what you would like to see happen. Maybe you will come to an acceptable agreement. If you both agree about what is appropriate or inappropriate (texting, talking about sex life, hugs, etc), there is NO excuse for him to even slightly betray your trust. I think it's important that you both have clear guidelines as to what is expected in this situation and any other similar situations that might arise in the future.

[Marilyn]

Originally Posted by rivermom

I realize it all depends on the situation at hand and in no way do I want to say no or yes to your situation. But honestly, a womens intuition is very STRONG. And if you are uncomfy w/ the situation then I feel you have every reason to stop that situation. Your marriage comes first, friends second imo. If ANY friend ever came between hubby and I, Id have to confront the situation and make changes to please my marriage. At times, it has called for losing a friend...........

OMG! First off for this lady to open up to your hubby about her sex life is totally uncalled for and not appropriate whatsoever! No male and female should EVER discuss personal information about the sex life within their own marriage to another male or female. What happens in the marriage bedroom is to stay in the marriage bedroom unless all couples involved kinda just chat/joke about it. But in this ladies situation to be opening up to your hubby just aint cool at all.

Adding booze to the situation just makes it all the worst. Don't even get me started on this subject. WOW

I completely agree with Sheryl's comments above, and Angie's also. Your husband and this woman are playing with fire here. I've seen it all too many times. You are doing the right thing to "nip it in the bud". Bad things can start so innocently. Even if your husband doesn't cheat physically with this woman, he may be doing so mentally. Better to end a friendship than lose your marriage.

Hope all this works out well for you and strengthens your marriage in the process.

[Mandy]

I agree with whats been said above! Talking to your husband about their sexlife is plain wrong, and definatly uncalled for!
Talking about sex to the oposite sex is playing with fire, especially when there is booze involved. If she needs to talk about it, surely she can discuss the issue with a female friend.
I have to agree, its better to lose a friend, than your marriage. Stop the situation while you can, and while you can still control it!!

Good luck, and please keep us posted.