Prayers for my girls please

[lynne b]

I know i haven't been active on here for awhile, not even sure if i have a right to ask or not, but would apperciate some prayers for my girls.

Their father killed him self last Thursday, yes he had, had some personal problems for the past couple of years. Both the girls have been beside him through everything trying to help him through it, in fact my youngest had spent the better part of the day with him on Thursday and then had to leave him to go get her girls, she felt something wasn't right and even asked him if he was ok, he told her he was fine and he was going to mow the yard, Amy tried calling him shortly after to check on him and got no answer and just thought he was mowing, his wife got home around 4:00 and found him in the barn, it had only been about 1 1/2 hrs since Amy had left him, needless to say Amy is blaming herself, and no matter what anyone says she can't get past that she left him alone, I know it will take time and counseling for her to realize it was not her fault.

My oldest daughter feels that she let her dad down also, she thinks of herself as the fixer for anything that goes on in the family, lord knows she has been my right arm when it comes to mom and feels offended if i try to take some of the load off of her. Needless to say both girls are devastated, death is hard enough to deal with but i think suicide is the worst leaveing everyone with questions of why and if only we had done this.

We were married for 11yrs and after the girls became adults we put our differences aside and got alone great with him and his wife now. I am trying to deal with the girls and then i come home and deal with my own emotions of the pain that the girls are feeling and the anger that he has left the girls to go through this.
We have had the last 2 days to kind of get the girls calmed down somewhat, today is the viewing and tomorrow is the funeral, i talked with the girls this morning and i can feel the emotions building again so it is going to be another rough couple of days for them. I know it will take a long time for them to come to terms with this, it's hard enough for the girls to deal with but there is also the g-kids to deal with....HOW do you make them understand something that you don't even understand yourself.

So if you could please just say a prayer for my girls and g-kids i would apperciate it so much, they have been through so much in their young adult lives.
Thank you Lynne


wasn't sure where to post this, was kind of venting also.

[Blueyes]

Of course you should come here and ask for anything! I'm so sorry this has happened to your girls and all that are involved. You are so right, death is hard enough to understand, without factoring in suicide. Prayers are all that can help now, and I pray for comfort and peace of mind for you all!

[Janet]

You're welcome here anytime Lynne and can ask for anything. I'm sorry the girls and grandkids are having to deal with this sort of loss.

Dear Jesus, please let Lynne's daughters feel your comforting love. Guide them to know that there was nothing they could have done. Smooth the path for them the next few days and for the many days ahead when they will falter and feel blame again. Touch them in ways that they will know you are with them. Amen

[DianaB]

Oh Lynne......don't be afraid to EVER come and let us know what's going on......We love you and you're a part of our family!!

How awful. I'm sure your girls are dealing with all kinds of emotions. Even if your daughter would have stayed with him he would have just found another time to do it.......if that's what he had determined he wanted to do.

My Dad tried to commit suicide......he took pills and my brother found him the next morning.......he ended up in Wichita and filled him with charcoal then was going to release him!! I had a fit and he ended up in evaluation......which still released him in a couple of days.

Another time my Dad was suicidal he was so depressed and as talking about ending it all......so we called a mental health facility and took him there but by that time he was having breathing problems and had to be admitted to the hospital......again, in a couple of days he was released! I ended up getting a court order to have him picked up and placed in a mental facility which after a couple of days asked us (Glen and I) why we were doing this to this poor man because they couldn't find any problems but they kept him a couple of days longer and finally started seeing something. My Dad also was paranoid schiphrenic as well as being depressed. Every where we turned WE were questioned because my Dad knew how he was suppose to act.

I guess where I'm going with all of this is that it's really hard to get help even when you know that they need it. He probably would have straightened up and acted fine if the girls would have tried to get help and still would have done what he did at a different time.

I'm so sorry about all of this.....it's so hard to deal with........You are all in my prayers!!

[gja1000]

Lynne,
I'm so very very sorry this had to happen. It just isn't fair and it is so hard on everyone left behind. I hope you all can find the strength to heal little by little. It's just so shocking, I wish it didn't have to happen, ever for anyone. Diana, I think you are so right and I think it is great that you shared your story here with Lynne. Sometimes it feels like all the bad things happen only to "me", but it helps to know others have delt with difficult things and were able to get through them. It's a hard lesson to learn, but an important one.

[lynne b]

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, i do believe they helped today, things went better than we expected.

So many memories from when we were married, high school friends and kids that my kids grew up with and lost touch with over the years, people that his current wife had not met. So many emotions!!


I thought my youngest would have the hardest time, but it was my oldest that refused to go near her dad, not ready for tomorrow.

Diana, they had just taken him to the doctor last Monday to get some help, i'm not to sure about what happened but i think he was diagnosed as paranoid schiphrenic as well, he has an older brother who has this also. My oldest daughter is the fixer of all things in our family (as she is with my mom) and she feels that she failed her dad in not getting him the help he needed sooner.

Thank you again everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

[Lindsey]

Lynne, I am so sorry! I can't imagine having to go through something like this. You and your girls are in my prayers.

[DianaB]

He was paranoid schizaphrenic as well.......wow! I can't tell you what all you and the girls would have been dealing with in the future. My Dad was diagnosed when I was in high school so my Mom and I dealt with his problems for years and it was very hard. When my parents finally divorced his care fell on me......thank heavens Glen helped me out or I may have just joined Dad in his mental problems. So hard.

My Dad's thoughts were not real and I can't understand what it would be like to not be able to trust what your mind was telling you. Surely God has a special place for people who have mental illness.

Hugs and prayers for you and your family!

[Janet]

Thinking of you and the girls. Hoping all got through the services okay...such a sad time. I miss you.

[JJJ]

I am terribly sorry for the lost of your daughters father. What a tragedy.

Suicide is just so controversial. I am sure he didn't want his love ones suffering for him. The loss of someone is always hard and your daughters will come to peace sooner or later. I will send them all the positive thoughts and energy I can to all those involve in this tragedy.

Take care of yourself as well. XOXO

R I P

[lynne b]

Thank you again for all the thoughts and prayers. Yesterday was the funeral, so many emotions, seeing people that we knew when we were in school and married, that his current wife didn't know and of course the same for her, people that i didn't know. The girls did pretty good, although my oldest wouldn't even look at him or get close enough, she wanted to sit in the back of the room.

Only 1 brother and 1 nephew came, his own mother didn't come, she hadn't talked to him for a couple of years now, she will regret it some day.

I'm sad at the whole out come of this, but i am also mad at him for hurting the girls the way he did....i know he was sick and not thinking straight, but come on, he had no ins. no money and now my girls are stuck paying for their fathers funeral, me and my husband are paying for the flowers. Yes his wife works and i have told the girls that they really need to talk to her about this after some time has passed, the plots had to be paid up front so thats done and already the kids are struggling, we helped them through the funeral with $ but i can't expect my husband to pay for my ex's funeral.....i'm so mad that he has put the girls in this position.

Thanks again for the thoughts and prayers and letting me vent


oh one more thing, i had a lock box that i kept jewlery in, mine, moms and g-parents, birth cert, and some cash, went to get some of the cash for the gilrs yesterday morning and the box is gone, we have turned the house upside down looking for it and it's not here. I was just in it maybe a week ago, i put my mom's mother's ring in it, i sat on the floor in the closet sorting pic's for the girls Sun. and didn't even notice weather it was there or not. Nothing else is missing except the box.....no one even knew where we kept it or that we had one, no one around here knew about the death and that we would be gone except for regular work hrs, which we did not go to work those days. It's driving me crazy just wondering..did i do something with it or was someone really in my house, we always lock it up. I just hate loosing the jewlery for my girls, some of moms rings were to go to them. Yes we called the sheriff, but not much to go on.

[gja1000]

Lynne, it is not right that your girls were in that position of having to pay for the funeral. That is totally unfair. That happened to my daughter too, her dad didn't actually commit suicide but he did kill himself due to drinking and drugging and dying from liver failure.

I can't imagine what happened to the box, that is spooky. It would be like me to put it somewhere and not remember where, but I wouldn't forget in only a week. Now if it were a few months, I could totally forget where I put it. I think it's disappearance is very weird.

I'm glad the funeral and everything is over. Big Hugs to you and your daughters.

[judy]

Lynne,
I am so sorry for your girls! What a burden of emotions his suicide left them with! The fact that he was mentally ill may help them some, once they really let that sink in. They could never have "fixed" that.

Do you have any suspicions as to where the box may have gone? Rather, as to who may have taken it? I'm so sorry you lost those things that were important to you.

My first love killed himself years ago. I have been told it was due to drugs. We weren't together anymore, but I do have a letter from him not long before he died. He was the love of my life, and I began to realize that I needed to make peace with his suicide now. It is a very confusing thing to make peace with, I'll tell you that. My heart goes out to your girls.

[Janet]

Wow! I feel bad that your girls are the ones that have to take care of the expenses on top of all the emotions and loss that they are feeling.

The box that is missing, that's scary. I would go crazy wondering what happened to it. I have a small safe and now I'm wondering if I should find a better place for it. I mean it's heavy, but can be carried. I hope it shows up soon.

[DianaB]

Your girls shouldn't be paying for the whole funeral!! Is the wife helping out? She's the one that has all of his "stuff" and the responsibility should be hers......not the girls!! Was she there to help decide funeral arrangements? That sounds stinky to me!!

As for the locked box.....I'd say that you will find it. It's probably still there but you've misplaced it with everything that's been going on. I can't imagine that someone would come in and only that that one item......you'd notice other things missing.