Breaking Point

im so lost right now. how you ever felt like your in a point in your life where your missing out on everything around you but theres nothing you can do about it because your just kinda stuck?
i dont know if that makes sense... but i just cant really take it anymore.
socially: i have no friends. im 20 years old... and i feel like i should be out and hanging out with friends and enjoying the free time i have.. but i dont.. i seriously havent been out in prolly a year now. the only interaction i get with anyone other than my family (rarely) and my boyfriend is at work and here on this forum and the yorkietalk website. all of my high school life i was in a realtionship... but i had friends.. i would spend time with my boyfriend... but i would still go out on friday nights and hang out with friends... or go to the mall.. or go to lunch... or do whatever... but i cant do that now. every free minute of mine my boyfriend(been together for the last year) expects me to spend with him... and if i dont... im some horrible person for "ditching" him. in between my last boyfriend and this one i was single for about 6 months... and i can honostly say that that was prolly the best time of my life..... i was happier than than i think i ever have been. when i met matt... he was one of those guys that was way to good to be true... brings you flowers.... and leaves you cute notes.. and bla bla bla.... its not that i dont love him... cause i do... and i enjoy being with him MOST of the time... as long as hes getting what he wants... as soon as i say no to anything suddenly his attitude changes and hes just plain mean.
work: im trapped in my job. literally trapped. i like WHAT i do... but not where and when i do it. i'm a pet trainer at petsmart. i've been with the company for almost 3 years now and i get payed $8 an hour... what kinds crap is that? its rediculous how little im appreciated. i work EVERY weekend... without time off... you dont know how much i would just love to have a saturday off to spend with my family. to go down to the beach with my mom... or hang out and watch a supercross race with my dad.... but i dont get to do that kinda stuff anymore... and i feel like im missing out on something because i know my parents arent always going to be around for me to spend time with. the worst part of all is i cant just quit. i would have to give a 2 MONTH notice to quit.... because teyve already payed me for classes im teaching right now... and if i quit... i would owe them money...

and if these two things arent stressful enough... i have to tie them together with the fact that my boyfriend... is my boss... so yeah... he has complete track of me 24/7....

my only relief... school.... i absolutely love going to school... i get to get away from everything else.... (i only go to school 4 hours a week....)




without friends to talk to you... you have no idea how good it feels to finally get this out...