Wanted or Just Needed ?

[Emmsmom]

I was just curious as to how many of you have been just wanted or needed in a relationship. Before getting married I actually felt wanted. I don't really feel that way so much anymore. Now I feel like I am just needed now more than anything. Myabe it is just a slump I am going through who knows. Midlife thingy or something. I just get tired of always being a taxi, a cook, a maid and so on. I don't know that I even feel like a wife anymore. I am jsut kinda here. My husband has said before that I need some kind of a hobby. Honestly, it would be nice but who has the time. I would love to feel wanted again. I was just wondering I how many of you have felt like this at some point in time.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Emmsmom

I was just curious as to how many of you have been just wanted or needed in a relationship. Before getting married I actually felt wanted. I don't really feel that way so much anymore. Now I feel like I am just needed now more than anything. Myabe it is just a slump I am going through who knows. Midlife thingy or something. I just get tired of always being a taxi, a cook, a maid and so on. I don't know that I even feel like a wife anymore. I am jsut kinda here. My husband has said before that I need some kind of a hobby. Honestly, it would be nice but who has the time. I would love to feel wanted again. I was just wondering I how many of you have felt like this at some point in time.

Oh man, have you hit on a good question. When we were first together, I felt needed and wanted. Back then I didn't speak up for myself and took whatever I was dealt. I quit doing that and now I feel I'm just here...not really wanted and definitely not needed. I honestly don't think he'd want me to leave. He just doesn't really show appreciation for anything. Oh well, what can ya do?

[rivermom]

Originally Posted by Emmsmom

I was just curious as to how many of you have been just wanted or needed in a relationship. Before getting married I actually felt wanted. I don't really feel that way so much anymore. Now I feel like I am just needed now more than anything. Myabe it is just a slump I am going through who knows. Midlife thingy or something. I just get tired of always being a taxi, a cook, a maid and so on. I don't know that I even feel like a wife anymore. I am jsut kinda here. My husband has said before that I need some kind of a hobby. Honestly, it would be nice but who has the time. I would love to feel wanted again. I was just wondering I how many of you have felt like this at some point in time.

I truly think that what you are going through is very normal and many women have experienced the same feelings you are. I know w/ out a doubt I went through this many years ago. It truly is a struggle and I feel for you.

Try to find the positive in all that you are providing for your family. The Mom-taxi, cooking, cleaning, etc are your gifts that you are giving of yourself. Those gifts are priceless and remember when you give, you will receive ten-fold back.

Try not to feel as if "you are just kinda here". You are an important person and you need to give yourself credit for all you do.

The feelings you have should pass and open up your heart w/ positiveness and realize that better things will happen. I think if you allow yourself to stay "trapped in your negative thoughts" it only opens the door for more drama and negativity.

Keep it positive, make time for YOU and what you'd like to enjoy, and smile each time you give your gift of yourself to your family. Even if it's not shown I bet honestly they truly appreciate it.

Hang in there, and remember...Try to remain positive and allow the good things and feelings to come back into you.

this is what i mean by the are you in love post, the difference of loving someone and being in love, you dont feel the in love feeling anymore, you want attention, love, care, to feel loved, and to feel speical again not unloved un noticed, and taken for grunted, .
i think a lot of men take time to show us ladys love when we first get together then after time they dont mean to but they just get lazy about it, i also think us ladys i brought up on fairy storys of love and romance and we all want that when we are grown up but sadly prince charming isnt real or if he is hes prob gay lol
have you talked to your partner about how your feeling?
maybe if he knew he could help you out more and maybe make you feel more loved

[rivermom]

I am very blessed in my marriage I have to admit. I don't feel as if I am "just here". Everyday I never doubt that my husband loves me and "is in love with me". I don't feel he gets lazy and forgets to show it. He does all the time but it's usually me who does the pushing away.

I am in love with him too. Sure it's not that crazy heart beated feeling when we first met, but it's a mature love based on respect, admiration, and content with one another. I feel we both have a real partnership in our life together.

It took a long road to find this happiness and I believe there are sacrafices one has to make to achieve an honest happiness.

In no way am I saying my marriage or relationship is perfect, it's far from it. But I feel we are good for each other and I am grateful.

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by rivermom

I am very blessed in my marriage I have to admit. I don't feel as if I am "just here". Everyday I never doubt that my husband loves me and "is in love with me". I don't feel he gets lazy and forgets to show it. He does all the time but it's usually me who does the pushing away.

I am in love with him too. Sure it's not that crazy heart beated feeling when we first met, but it's a mature love based on respect, admiration, and content with one another. I feel we both have a real partnership in our life together.

It took a long road to find this happiness and I believe there are sacrafices one has to make to achieve an honest happiness.

In no way am I saying my marriage or relationship is perfect, it's far from it. But I feel we are good for each other and I am grateful.

That's so sweet, Sheryl! I'm so glad you have found such honest contentment. You don't see that very often in marriages today. (I sound old, don't I? LOL!)

I also feel that I have been blessed with an incredibly loving and caring husband. We really haven't had to work that hard to achieve this happiness, but I know it would be worth it even if it had been hard...and I've definitely seen my share of couples having a hard time.

I wish I could magically make every couple in the world have a happy and fulfilling marriage... I've considered becoming a marriage counselor, but I don't know if I'd be good at it or not.

Anyway, I'm just rambling now, but I wanted to tell you congrats on getting to such a happy place in your marriage!! I hope you only grow closer and closer together as the years go by!

[rivermom]

Originally Posted by AngieDoogles

That's so sweet, Sheryl! I'm so glad you have found such honest contentment. You don't see that very often in marriages today. (I sound old, don't I? LOL!)

I also feel that I have been blessed with an incredibly loving and caring husband. We really haven't had to work that hard to achieve this happiness, but I know it would be worth it even if it had been hard...and I've definitely seen my share of couples having a hard time.

I wish I could magically make every couple in the world have a happy and fulfilling marriage... I've considered becoming a marriage counselor, but I don't know if I'd be good at it or not.

Anyway, I'm just rambling now, but I wanted to tell you congrats on getting to such a happy place in your marriage!! I hope you only grow closer and closer together as the years go by!

Thanks Angie! If you have a desire in your life to do counseling then go for it! Don't let your inhibitions talk you out of it. Id hate to see you reach a point in your life saying "I wish I would have done this or that". You are young, find those dreams and fulfill them while you can.

Glad you are happy also. I can always tell by your posts that you are - it shows. That is nice! And I agree with you. It would be a better world to live in if every couple could find happiness in their marriage w/ one another.

Originally Posted by rivermom

I am very blessed in my marriage I have to admit. I don't feel as if I am "just here". Everyday I never doubt that my husband loves me and "is in love with me". I don't feel he gets lazy and forgets to show it. He does all the time but it's usually me who does the pushing away.

I am in love with him too. Sure it's not that crazy heart beated feeling when we first met, but it's a mature love based on respect, admiration, and content with one another. I feel we both have a real partnership in our life together.

It took a long road to find this happiness and I believe there are sacrafices one has to make to achieve an honest happiness.

In no way am I saying my marriage or relationship is perfect, it's far from it. But I feel we are good for each other and I am grateful.

i dont think anyone could say there relationship is perfect but i like you am very happy with what i have, i think its about growing together, being best friends, being honest and i also think if you can laugh together your stay together

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by rivermom

Thanks Angie! If you have a desire in your life to do counseling then go for it! Don't let your inhibitions talk you out of it. Id hate to see you reach a point in your life saying "I wish I would have done this or that". You are young, find those dreams and fulfill them while you can.

Glad you are happy also. I can always tell by your posts that you are - it shows. That is nice! And I agree with you. It would be a better world to live in if every couple could find happiness in their marriage w/ one another.

I'm just SO scared to try. What if I gave bad "guidance" (they say to never use the word advice ) and it made things worse!? I'd HATE that since marriage, especially young and struggling marriages, mean so much to me. I want more than anything to see people have loving and happy relationships. I think I'd rather live with the regret of not trying than to try and then see negative results. But thanks so much for the encouragement. It's just too much of a risk to take (for my sake as well as other's).

[Mandy]

Originally Posted by Emmsmom

I was just curious as to how many of you have been just wanted or needed in a relationship. Before getting married I actually felt wanted. I don't really feel that way so much anymore. Now I feel like I am just needed now more than anything. Myabe it is just a slump I am going through who knows. Midlife thingy or something. I just get tired of always being a taxi, a cook, a maid and so on. I don't know that I even feel like a wife anymore. I am jsut kinda here. My husband has said before that I need some kind of a hobby. Honestly, it would be nice but who has the time. I would love to feel wanted again. I was just wondering I how many of you have felt like this at some point in time.

Michelle, you are not alone on this. Many many woman go thru the same at some point in their marriage/motherhood. Believe me, you are very needed, and loved.
We get caught up in running around for kids, and husband, its good to take some "time out" and do things for yourself, even if it means laying on the sofa or bed with a book, tell them, you do not want to hear or see anyone for a while, tell them your needs.
May i suggest going on a date once a month with your hubby, its very important for the two of you to spend time alone to talk, or do something that you both enjoy, go out and have fun with him.
It brings the two of you closer, and feeds your relationship.

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by Emmsmom

I was just curious as to how many of you have been just wanted or needed in a relationship. Before getting married I actually felt wanted. I don't really feel that way so much anymore. Now I feel like I am just needed now more than anything. Myabe it is just a slump I am going through who knows. Midlife thingy or something. I just get tired of always being a taxi, a cook, a maid and so on. I don't know that I even feel like a wife anymore. I am jsut kinda here. My husband has said before that I need some kind of a hobby. Honestly, it would be nice but who has the time. I would love to feel wanted again. I was just wondering I how many of you have felt like this at some point in time.

I've been in this exact same slump. I know my hubby & I love each other very much but I get so frustrated with the cooking, cleaning & taxi service that I feel like that's all I'm here for. We have 4 kids (3 were mine before we met then 1 together. He claims them all as his kids but only saw the youngest as a baby). We have never been on a "date" without kids. He is 5 almost 6 yrs younger than me & is very much a "homebody". Since I'm stuck at home while he works, I want to get out when he is off. We don't really have anyone to watch the kids for us to do anything & on his off days he just wants to "stay home & relax". Friends disappear when you have four kids, Angie has her hubby, school, thier jobs & our mother still has 2 kids at home, work, & plays taxi for her mother who never learned to drive. His family lives in DC which is 6 hrs away (alittle far to be babysitters lol) & we both have a fear of hiring babysitters & how to know if you can really trust them when even family (people they never suspected) are found to abuse children. So we stay with this same routine. We need a way to break it but that is easier said than done. One person suggested to me that we have "dates" after the kids are asleep...lol. By that time I'm so tired I just want to SLEEP. So you are definitely not alone in this.

[Mandy]

Think of it this way "the hussle & bussle" is not going to last forever. In a few years time the kids are grown up, and wont need to be cared for 24/7...

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by Mandy

Think of it this way "the hussle & bussle" is not going to last forever. In a few years time the kids are grown up, and wont need to be cared for 24/7...

so true...very good point Mandy in about 20 yrs we will be thinking of these posts & laughing because now we have to "find" things to do.

[Mandy]

Originally Posted by Chandra Amaya

so true...very good point Mandy in about 20 yrs we will be thinking of these posts & laughing because now we have to "find" things to do.

Traci, we will probably miss all the caring for, and attending to

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by Mandy

Traci, we will probably miss all the caring for, and attending to

very, very true