His EVIL mother!!!!

Lissa · 03-28-2007, 09:41 PM

I have a very good friend that got engaged the day before Valentines this year. She and her fiance have been together for almost 7 years now, and they were such an amazing couple, it was like they were made for each other...if you picked up on the past tense, those aren't typos.

On Friday the 9th of this month they were registering, the wedding was to be in June, they were the happiest couple in the world, the VERY NEXT Tuesday his mother comes over and Dani(my friend) and her get into a fight. Now this woman is the very spawn of Satan, I know that's rude, but it's the truth. Here's how she is, Dani was not raised in a Christian home, but she became a Christian and is a very upright girl, but his mother believes it is impossible for her to be a Christian because she wasn't raised in a Christian home. As if that were the worst, here's what happened on Tuesday. So the usually passive Dani had had enough and she and his mother got into a bit of an argument, during which she actually hit Dani. (Note: Dani was raised in an abusive home) The woman yelled that she wasn't just marrying her son, she was marrying the family, which means it's perfectly fine for her to hit Dani because Dani's mother did.

Another note: His mother wears the pants in his family, and she has always told him what to do. She said she doesn't want her son to marry my friend, so he CALLED OFF THE ENGAGEMENT!!!! Dani is absolutely devastated, but she's not willing to give up yet and she's decided to fight for him. That's when the second blow came, he's dropped out a school and is moving to another state to live with relatives. He's really cut up about it and you can tell that he wants to be with Dani, but he's being loyal to his dear ol mum.

My thoughts: He was starting to get a bit panicky, your typical pre-wedding jitters, and it was making him uncomfortable so he ran to the one place he's always felt comfortable: Mommy. And in his emotional state she manipulated him into doing all this. Now Dani is not my only source of information here. I serve as a pressure relief valve for everyone having problems because they know I'll listen and not spread anything around, a lot of the people I know have known Dani and him and their families for years so I'm getting almost every angle on this issue.

I've known them for a while and they are so in love, something like that can't just change overnight, that's why he's going away, cause if he stays he's going to end up going against his mother again.

I just wish this would all work out. Two, almost three, weeks ago Dani and I were talking excitedly about the wedding and I was trying to help her with the planning, and now I'm trying to console her every night because she's lost her other half.

Janet · 03-29-2007, 12:55 AM

That's pretty tough going for your friend. In truth though, isn't it better to find this out now and not after the wedding, that this guy will always put his mother first. Sound like his mother did your friend a favor. I sure wouldn't want my husbands mother telling me how to run my family or kids and it sounds like that's what would have happened if they married. I just find it hard to believe this hadn't surfaced in the 7 years until now.

Has far as his mother...no one deserves to be hit. I would have filed charges immediately. I think your friend is lucky to find this out now....instead of ending up on one of the talk shows.

RLC12345678 · 03-29-2007, 05:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

That's pretty tough going for your friend. In truth though, isn't it better to find this out now and not after the wedding, that this guy will always put his mother first. Sound like his mother did your friend a favor. I sure wouldn't want my husbands mother telling me how to run my family or kids and it sounds like that's what would have happened if they married. I just find it hard to believe this hadn't surfaced in the 7 years until now.

Has far as his mother...no one deserves to be hit. I would have filed charges immediately. I think your friend is lucky to find this out now....instead of ending up on one of the talk shows.

I agree 100% with Janet. If his mother has never liked Dani, why is this JUST NOW surfacing after 7 years together?

Tink · 03-29-2007, 06:11 AM

If he is willing to go along with his mother acting this way toward Dani, she's lucky to be rid of both of them!
I swear if my MIL ever laid a hand on me and Greg didn't back me up he'd be out the door right along with her.
I'm sorry her heart is broken, but I think she got out of what could have been a miserable life just in time!

AngieDoogles · 03-29-2007, 06:29 AM

I agree with the others. It sounds as if she is lucky to be out of that situation, though it's sad that she's in so much pain. How did she handle the guy's mother for the past seven years? I don't think I'd be able to take it. My husband's mother refused to believe that we were getting married (even when we had the dress, the date, EVERYTHING), because she didn't want him to marry so young, but she eventually came around and even drove eight hours to attend our wedding. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem that this guy's mom is going to change her mind and she was WAY out of line to hit Dani. That is completely unacceptable. I'm just glad she was able to get out of that situation before it got worse. Just keep reminding her how lucky she is that she isn't stuck in that situation. Someday she will be glad that she got out of that relationship.

DianaB · 03-29-2007, 11:20 AM

Dealing with his mother is something that she'll always have to deal with unless she gets it straightened out now. There's nothing worse than having a mother running your marriage. If he comes back to her he needs to understand that his mother CANNOT have any say in their marriage. That things are only between him and her, no other!!! Nothing can make you unhappy like a bossy mother-in-law!

Chandra Amaya · 03-29-2007, 11:30 AM

I completely agree with everyone else. My hubby holds his mother in very high reguards. I call him a momma's boy, but his mother is a wonderful lady & even called to check on me while I was pg with his first child & her first grandchild knowing he was at work. She has told me if I ever feel she says something wrong or out of line to please tell her. He has even called to ask her a question about parenting or our relationship & she told him to talk to his wife. I am very lucky to have a wonderful MIL. Sounds like Dani is on polar opposite end. No matter how much they love each other if he chooses his mother over his WIFE even when his mother is CLEARLY wrong, Dani needs to find someone who can put her first. What about a family and children later with a family like his? When you make a decision to marry someone they become your first priority. I'm not saying he should stop loving or alienate his family but he should demand respect for his future wife from them. I have been with 2 men my family hated. They were always polite to these guys & never ever said anything to them or about them to me until I asked for advice. Our mother was not happy with mine or Angie's decision to marry so young. She did tell us her opinion but wished us the best of luck. Angie's worked mine didn't. The statement she made about marrying the family not just the man I do believe but not the way she used it. When you marry someone you become part of each others families. Family should build you & your spouse up & try to help as much as possible not treat you the way Dani has been treated. Ok I'm sorry enough ranting now. I just think she needs a REAL man who can put her first!

Lissa · 04-02-2007, 12:56 PM

She's made it very clear over the 7 years that she's never liked Dani.

I'm straddling a fence here. I want him to come back so Dani can be happy, her eyes seem to be permanently red cause she's been crying so much, but at the same time I don't want him to come back if he's not willing to stand up for her. It's just a bad situation all around.

Ponyup · 04-02-2007, 01:02 PM

Dani needs to put it in plain & simple terms, if you choose me as your wife, I take precedent over your mother. If the man cannot adhere he is not the right choice. My husbands best friend has a very controlling mother & he married a very control woman. And the wife & mom fight about everything down to the color of the curtains for their house. it's a miserable situation & the man just gets tossed back & forth & refuses to take either side. It's not a situation I would want to be in that's for sure.

03-28-2007, 09:41 PM	#1
Lissa Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: South and Central Texas Posts: 337	His EVIL mother!!!! I have a very good friend that got engaged the day before Valentines this year. She and her fiance have been together for almost 7 years now, and they were such an amazing couple, it was like they were made for each other...if you picked up on the past tense, those aren't typos. On Friday the 9th of this month they were registering, the wedding was to be in June, they were the happiest couple in the world, the VERY NEXT Tuesday his mother comes over and Dani(my friend) and her get into a fight. Now this woman is the very spawn of Satan, I know that's rude, but it's the truth. Here's how she is, Dani was not raised in a Christian home, but she became a Christian and is a very upright girl, but his mother believes it is impossible for her to be a Christian because she wasn't raised in a Christian home. As if that were the worst, here's what happened on Tuesday. So the usually passive Dani had had enough and she and his mother got into a bit of an argument, during which she actually hit Dani. (Note: Dani was raised in an abusive home) The woman yelled that she wasn't just marrying her son, she was marrying the family, which means it's perfectly fine for her to hit Dani because Dani's mother did. Another note: His mother wears the pants in his family, and she has always told him what to do. She said she doesn't want her son to marry my friend, so he CALLED OFF THE ENGAGEMENT!!!! Dani is absolutely devastated, but she's not willing to give up yet and she's decided to fight for him. That's when the second blow came, he's dropped out a school and is moving to another state to live with relatives. He's really cut up about it and you can tell that he wants to be with Dani, but he's being loyal to his dear ol mum. My thoughts: He was starting to get a bit panicky, your typical pre-wedding jitters, and it was making him uncomfortable so he ran to the one place he's always felt comfortable: Mommy. And in his emotional state she manipulated him into doing all this. Now Dani is not my only source of information here. I serve as a pressure relief valve for everyone having problems because they know I'll listen and not spread anything around, a lot of the people I know have known Dani and him and their families for years so I'm getting almost every angle on this issue. I've known them for a while and they are so in love, something like that can't just change overnight, that's why he's going away, cause if he stays he's going to end up going against his mother again. I just wish this would all work out. Two, almost three, weeks ago Dani and I were talking excitedly about the wedding and I was trying to help her with the planning, and now I'm trying to console her every night because she's lost her other half. __________________ Marilyn's Disappearing Daughter!! Cake or Death, Melissa "Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised." Heb 10:35-36

03-29-2007, 12:55 AM	#2
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,624	That's pretty tough going for your friend. In truth though, isn't it better to find this out now and not after the wedding, that this guy will always put his mother first. Sound like his mother did your friend a favor. I sure wouldn't want my husbands mother telling me how to run my family or kids and it sounds like that's what would have happened if they married. I just find it hard to believe this hadn't surfaced in the 7 years until now. Has far as his mother...no one deserves to be hit. I would have filed charges immediately. I think your friend is lucky to find this out now....instead of ending up on one of the talk shows. __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

03-29-2007, 06:11 AM	#4
Tink Donating 4WT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Rural Wisconsin Posts: 3,707	If he is willing to go along with his mother acting this way toward Dani, she's lucky to be rid of both of them! I swear if my MIL ever laid a hand on me and Greg didn't back me up he'd be out the door right along with her. I'm sorry her heart is broken, but I think she got out of what could have been a miserable life just in time! __________________ 'A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in.. And how many want out.' England 's Prime Minister Tony Blair'

03-29-2007, 06:29 AM	#5
AngieDoogles Donating 4WT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 6,509	I agree with the others. It sounds as if she is lucky to be out of that situation, though it's sad that she's in so much pain. How did she handle the guy's mother for the past seven years? I don't think I'd be able to take it. My husband's mother refused to believe that we were getting married (even when we had the dress, the date, EVERYTHING), because she didn't want him to marry so young, but she eventually came around and even drove eight hours to attend our wedding. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem that this guy's mom is going to change her mind and she was WAY out of line to hit Dani. That is completely unacceptable. I'm just glad she was able to get out of that situation before it got worse. Just keep reminding her how lucky she is that she isn't stuck in that situation. Someday she will be glad that she got out of that relationship. __________________ "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~MT

03-29-2007, 11:20 AM	#6
DianaB Moderator Donating 4WT 13K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Kansas Posts: 16,069	Dealing with his mother is something that she'll always have to deal with unless she gets it straightened out now. There's nothing worse than having a mother running your marriage. If he comes back to her he needs to understand that his mother CANNOT have any say in their marriage. That things are only between him and her, no other!!! Nothing can make you unhappy like a bossy mother-in-law! __________________ ´¨) ¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Diana Baker ✞ You and I are friends....... Always remember that if you fall I will pick you up...... After I stop laughing!!!

03-29-2007, 11:30 AM	#7
Chandra Amaya 4WT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Tn Posts: 1,646	I completely agree with everyone else. My hubby holds his mother in very high reguards. I call him a momma's boy, but his mother is a wonderful lady & even called to check on me while I was pg with his first child & her first grandchild knowing he was at work. She has told me if I ever feel she says something wrong or out of line to please tell her. He has even called to ask her a question about parenting or our relationship & she told him to talk to his wife. I am very lucky to have a wonderful MIL. Sounds like Dani is on polar opposite end. No matter how much they love each other if he chooses his mother over his WIFE even when his mother is CLEARLY wrong, Dani needs to find someone who can put her first. What about a family and children later with a family like his? When you make a decision to marry someone they become your first priority. I'm not saying he should stop loving or alienate his family but he should demand respect for his future wife from them. I have been with 2 men my family hated. They were always polite to these guys & never ever said anything to them or about them to me until I asked for advice. Our mother was not happy with mine or Angie's decision to marry so young. She did tell us her opinion but wished us the best of luck. Angie's worked mine didn't. The statement she made about marrying the family not just the man I do believe but not the way she used it. When you marry someone you become part of each others families. Family should build you & your spouse up & try to help as much as possible not treat you the way Dani has been treated. Ok I'm sorry enough ranting now. I just think she needs a REAL man who can put her first! __________________ Traci

04-02-2007, 12:56 PM	#8
Lissa Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: South and Central Texas Posts: 337	She's made it very clear over the 7 years that she's never liked Dani. I'm straddling a fence here. I want him to come back so Dani can be happy, her eyes seem to be permanently red cause she's been crying so much, but at the same time I don't want him to come back if he's not willing to stand up for her. It's just a bad situation all around. __________________ Marilyn's Disappearing Daughter!! Cake or Death, Melissa "Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised." Heb 10:35-36

04-02-2007, 01:02 PM	#9
Ponyup Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 659	Dani needs to put it in plain & simple terms, if you choose me as your wife, I take precedent over your mother. If the man cannot adhere he is not the right choice. My husbands best friend has a very controlling mother & he married a very control woman. And the wife & mom fight about everything down to the color of the curtains for their house. it's a miserable situation & the man just gets tossed back & forth & refuses to take either side. It's not a situation I would want to be in that's for sure.

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