I need advice

Hello I'm new to the board and I need advice I'm married and I'm very upset about a situation that has been ongoing since december of last year. My husband is in school and has made a few friends I'm not generally the jelous type but there is this one girl that I just can't deal with, here is the situation since gas is so expensive some of the students car pooled and that was fine with me but when I would called his cell he wouldn't answer and he would say he didn't hear it we we got into a tiff over that (because last semester he called me everyday @ lunch time and when he got out of school and didn't car pool last year)anyway one day after school I was going out of town and wanted to stop by his work to leave something for him well when I pull up there her car is and they were both there alone needless to say I wa Pi**ed off and we got into a argument about it so he says nothing is going on so I blow it off then a month or so ago I was using his phone and I see hottie listed in his phone guess who's # it is? ya hers he says I don't know who put that in there now he has erased her # from his phone but he forgot his phone @ home this morning and she has called him didn't leave a voice mail but her # is on there. I don't want to freak out but what should I do I so badly want to call her and say ok what the he** is going on between the 2 of you?

i guess nobody has any advise thanks for reading and not replying!

[DianaB]

It's a little hard to answer a serious problem like yours. If you would like to introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about yourself, then we feel like we get to know you rather than to just jump into a huge problem like your having. We're a very friendly and helpful group if you want to stay and be a part of the group. It's kinda' like walking up to a stranger and telling them your problems without getting to know them first.

[Marilyn]

Ataloss, first, it's nice to meet you, and hope you find this to be worthwhile site. There are lots of fine ladies here. We weren't ignoring you. At least some of us who are active here were at work when you posted and just got on here and saw your post.

To respond to your post, I'd have to be honest and say that based on what we know from what you have relayed to us. I'd be very concerned as you are. The situation does not look good. You need to decide if you really love him and if this is something that you think will pass, and you are willing to live through this, or do you want to confront her and possibly learn that what you already are pretty sure is happening is true. Confronted, she may tell you what is really going on. There is a slight chance that it is innocent, but from what you've told us, it does not look innocent.

You are probably a much stronger person than you realize. You can make it through whatever you need to. We are here if you need to vent or need encouragement.

[judy]

That's a rough one! Can you sit down and calmly and quietly talk with him? If you don't want them together, then as your husband, he does need to respect that
because it's hurting you and causing you to not trust him.

You may have to make up your own mind what you want to do if he continues, not as an ultimatum, but as a reality.

Personally, I wouldn't talk to her - she's not your spouse.

Life's too short to suffer, honey, especially over a possibly bad relationship.

[Janet]

Hi and welcome to our site. Hope you decide to stay with us.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with Judy...(sorry Judy), but she would probably tell you the truth sooner than your husband. He may not be sure he wants his marriage to end and if something is going on, you can be she does and will tell you if you confront her.

As far as your husband, you need to talk with him too, about trust and how a relationship can not survive without it. If he wants out of the marriage, then sorry, lucky you! No one should have to stay with a two-timing creep and you're better off without him.

[judy]

Janet's point of view has a lot of validity to it. He may not tell the truth! She will.

[Gina]

Hi and welcome!

The ladies have given you some good solid advice. All I can add to as Diana mentioned is first how long are you married? It can be an innocent friendship, but by doing what he has done brings doubt. If you confront him he will deny it, by asking her you may get an answer. Are you ready to face the reality of this? Once you open a can of worms it may get nasty. Good luck and keep us posted..

[AngieDoogles]

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. That must be really difficult. The ladies have given you some really great advice, as Gina said. I hope things work out for you. Also, I hope you enjoy the forum. There are many wonderful women here.

[Taurus Babe]

I am really sorry that you are facing this. My initial thought is, if you have confrunted him already about this 'friend' of his, and he has blown it off, and told you it's nothing (even though it doesn't sound like nothing) he's not going to tell you the truth if you have a nice sit down talk with him. It's hard to judge, not knowing him, but from what you have described, I doubt it's an innocent friendship. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Better to get out sooner than later, and just know that he's not worth your time if he would do such a thing to you.

[Janet]

Please let us know how you're doing!

[Willow]

OK I have to be honest, you are already handling it better than I would!! I would be hunting her down and beating the truth out of her!! (not a good idea BTW!) but I can understand being jealous and angry and suspicious and hurt.

I concur with the ladies who have already posted. Call her and ask her what is going on, but personally, I think the fact that you found Hottie with her number after it as a big sign.

[Marilyn]

I think Ataloss had given up on us and has not checked back in. Hope she does. I think she needs us. She must have been desperate to post here they way she did. We're thinking of you, Ata...

[Willow]

Has anyone tried to pm or email her?? I hope she is ok.

[AngieDoogles]

I hope we didn't scare her away...I think she just posted in a down time and sometimes it takes a while to get responses...maybe she'll come back and check and see that we've responded now...