House Hunting, My daughter, etc.

[judy]

I spent most of last week online doing research on house hunting. I think I posted this already, but...I've pretty much narrowed it down to 2 areas in upstate NY. One area is around New Paltz - lovely little towns, lots to do, a college in New oaltz, malls, movies, restaurants, etc., and yet - it's the country.

The other area with condos is up north, actually very close to my daughter. It's gorgeous, but I don't think there's enough to do. The condos there have wonderful amenities - like year round pools, gyms, etc. I'm not a ski person, so I doubt if I would enjoy it. Heck, I don't even go outside when it snows here!

I've been speaking to Jessie just about every day, which I've been enjoying a lot.
So has she, but I picked up something in our conversation a couple of days ago.
My ex also is going to move up there, and she has found that she doesn't really want him to. She feels guilty and selfish, but he can be quite disruptive of her marriage.

When I hung up, I realized that she wouldn't say so, but that she has apprehension about me moving up so close too. We talked about it today because I believe in (necessary) things being discussed. She would love it, but is
afraid of any problems between Steve and I. He really enjoyed our Thanksgiving
visit and when she told him about me moving so close by, she felt him tense up.

She doesn't want to lose me again, and I certainly don't want that either, so we discussed it openly. I told her that I just want to see these condos because they're very reasonable and have great amenities, but don't think I'd really enjoy living up there. There's very little to do. We decided that her dh wouldn't know that I was going to see them (he knows I'm thinking of it). I'll just go over there om my way home and then I can cross them off of my list.

Of course if I love them, that's another story and I'll deal with that later on.

Then we went on to Christmas. As long as she was being honest, she said that they (he) might want to have just the five of them Christmas morning, and that maybe I could come up after. I don't like having to be alone on Christmas again, but after three years of not seeing them, I have learned a lot! I was very happy that their marriage is going so well and don't want do anything to hurt that, so I will respect their boundaries and come up after Christmas morning.
I told her I want to spend actual Christmas with them, but....

I'm a little upset, but, it is what it is., and I have to go with the flow. He's been very good to her, and I'm very proud of both of them right now. They came through some terrible times and both have grown tremendously.

I have to tread lightly - something I'm not used to. I'm used to just being myself,
and also being the boss of my own life, which means doing what I want!

Relationships are a real pain in the a**!

But, you all know how thrilled I am that I have one with my daughter and the children, and would very much like one with her husband too.

[Mandy]

You are right about wanting to go see the up north (close to your daughter) even if you cross it off your list, you will know it's not what you are looking for, and who knows, you might love it.

The first town you mentioned around New Paltz might be just what you want with lots of things to do, and still live in a little town.

Tough decisions, but i just know, you will make the right one.

Judy, i'm so glad your relationship with your daughter has grown, when her husband sees the love you both have for each other he will understand, and hopefully he wil encourage a closer bond with you, and the whole family, including himself.

Crossing fingers for you girl hope all works out perfect for you!

[Janet]

I knew you had to be busy house hunting..you haven't been here quite as much, but hey, me either for the last couple of days.

I too, think you need to see the place closer to your daughter, then if it's not what you want, you won't think about whether it was the right or wrong choice. The other one, New Paltz sounds more like something you'd like with plenty to do. Like you said...you need to tread lightly for awhile and don't rush things...as hard as that is sometimes. You're so thrilled with having your family back together it's hard not to just live in the moment.

I know how dissappointing the holidays can be. We always had Christmas Eve with hubby's side of the family...this year we won't be doing anything. Hopefully we'll play some games or do something to keep our minds on Christmas and not our loss.

I know things will work out the way that is best for you and I'm praying that you'll be happy however that may be.

[DianaB]

You DO have some tremendous decisions to make. How far is New Paltz from your daughter? I gather that you would probably be closer than you are now. You're going to have to tread lightly, like you've already mentioned.

I know that for myself, I prefer to just have my own family for Christmas morning and while we open gifts, after that I don't care who comes over, the more the merrier! Just give them this little time with their family and then you can show up like "Santa Grandma" all laden down with your own presents for the kids!! Also, get them some games that you can play with them throughout the day. You're going to have a great Christmas, Judy!!!

[rivermom]

The idea that Diana gave about the games for the grandkids is a wonderful idea. The playtime with the kids will give them a memory forever.

I remember being a wee-little girl my Grandma sitting with me coloring one day. I even remember the coloring book, it was a Holly Hobby book. I can still see in my mind her finishing her own color page and signing "Grandma" at the bottom. That little moment has lasted me a very wonderful memory.

By the time you show up the grandkids will be done with all their crazy morning excitement and be ready to have some true relaxed fun with their Grandma.

[AngieDoogles]

Judy, it sounds like you've been incredibly busy! It's exciting that you've narrowed your search down to two areas. I agree with the others, you should definitely at least look at both and then make your decision from there. As long as you continue to keep the lines of communication open as you are doing, I'm sure everything will work out just wonderfully for you and Jessie.

As far as Christmas goes, you will have a great day! Christmas morning you'll just be so excited about the prospect of seeing your daughter and grandkids, I doubt you'll even have time to be sad! I like the phrase Diana used "Santa Grandma". They are just going to be SO happy to see you which will in turn just make you the happiest grandma on earth.

*hugs* Changes are hard, but (especially in this case) it'll all be worth it in the end!

Good luck to you and I hope you have a wonderful holiday!