Relying on your Husband/partner financially

Taurus Babe · 09-19-2006, 07:30 AM

I am more of the "independent type"and I guess that's just the way I was brought up...The way I think is I just need to be able to support myself no matter what arises (and you never know what could arise!) But my question is, what are the pros and cons of being in a relationship where there is one bread winner? How does it work, and how does it affect your relationship and self-esteem?

One day, I would like to be a stay at home mother, but I want a degree and experience under my belt just so I know I can hold my own. I hate asking for money from my parents (who make it clear that it's okay for them to give me money while I'm in school), or even just borrowing money from my friends. Money just makes me nervous and tense

How have you ladies delt with this? Ever had the opportuny and not taken it? Why? I know there are some stay at home moms out there, so if you would like to enlighten me, please!

I am in a situation where I don't need to work and I would be fully supported by my bf when I move out there with him, but I most likely will end up working for Visa purposes (but that's another story).

Amber_lv · 09-19-2006, 07:35 AM

I to am very independent but after i had my second baby i just couldn't go back to work and my husband became the sole provider it's hard sometime because he gets an attitude like i bring home the bacon what do you do and i simply SLAP him upside the head with a frying pan and tell him i do nothing LOL hahahaha(evil laugh) No but he does get that attitude sometime and then i simply remind him of all i do and then threaten to go back to work and that always snaps him out of it. I truly love being home with my boys it's been way more fulfilling then any job I've ever had.

Sherry Lynn · 09-19-2006, 07:43 AM

I've worked all my adult life and lived on my own, so I took care of myself before meeting my husband. But a recent injury has me home now and I might not go back to work.

Hubby has always taken care of the bills, so I could spend my earnings however I wanted. I have a checking account.. he has one... and we have one together. Thankfully he's really generous so I never have to ask him for money. He always gives me cash and transfers money into my account. Usually I just pay with a credit card, though, and he pays the bill when it comes in.

I'd hate it if I had to ask for money all the time. I think I want to find a part-time job, though, so I don't get so bored this winter.

Janet · 09-19-2006, 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amber_lv

I to am very independent but after i had my second baby i just couldn't go back to work and my husband became the sole provider it's hard sometime because he gets an attitude like i bring home the bacon what do you do and i simply SLAP him upside the head with a frying pan and tell him i do nothing LOL hahahaha(evil laugh) No but he does get that attitude sometime and then i simply remind him of all i do and then threaten to go back to work and that always snaps him out of it. I truly love being home with my boys it's been way more fulfilling then any job I've ever had.

You just totally crack me up !!!!!

....

Amber_lv · 09-19-2006, 07:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

You just totally crack me up !!!!!

....

I thought you'd like that one lol

RLC12345678 · 09-19-2006, 08:07 AM

My husband has a fantastic job and I don't need to work. My hubby told me that if I didn't want to work and if I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, or just a housewife until we have kids, that it is A-ok with him. But, I was raised to be independant. In this day in age, you just never know what will happen...Infidelity, death, sickness, the list goes on and on. I just prefer to work. I am not the housewife kind of person. I don't cook, I don't clean, I'm not having kids for awhile. I also don't want to have to ask hubby everytime I want something. I want the freedom to go out and buy things if I want them. I also want to have the feeling that I would be alright and I could stand on my own 2 feet if something ever happened to my hubby. Even if you have a degree and you are a housewife, if something happens to your hubby years and years down the road, you will have a hard time finding a job at an older age when you haven't had work experience in so many years.

Now, this is just my opinion and how I feel. Some women make GREAT stay-at-home moms and excellent housewives. It is just my personality that prefers the working world. I would not feel like I was fulfilled if I didn't work, and an unfulfilled woman makes a bad wife and a bad mother. So, working is just what is best for me. Also, our marriage counselor said that the best relationships are those in which both people have equal education levels. My hubby has a post-graduate degree, and that is what I am pursuing myself.

Sorry this is so long. I am sure whatever you decide will be the right choice for YOU and YOUR future and YOUR family. Everyone is different.

Carolyn · 09-19-2006, 08:14 AM

I'm a SAHM and for me it works. My husband takes care of all the bills and finances and he gives me money every week but if I need more I just ask and I always have the credit cards!

But even though I am dependent on him I feel independent knowing that if I had to make money I could. I have to say that being home taking care of the house and kids is harder than any job I had. But I'm happy that I'm able to be home.

BUT now that the kids are in school all day I'm seriously thinking of getting something part time for something to do and get out of the house. I was thinking of something along the lines of a personal assistant/companion for an elderly person. That seems pretty flexible. The perfect job to me would be maybe 3 days a week from 10-2 pm.

09-19-2006, 08:21 AM

I'm planning on working till I have kids. I would love to be able to stay home with them. If my bf and I would be financially stable, then yes I would. Since I started working, I've been saving money. I plan to use that as my spending money when I'm not working.

I personally could not imagine stayine home everyday without having kids. I think I'd go crazy cleaning the house everyday.

Good luck in what you decide to do.

Sherry Lynn · 09-19-2006, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carolyn

BUT now that the kids are in school all day I'm seriously thinking of getting something part time for something to do and get out of the house. I was thinking of something along the lines of a personal assistant/companion for an elderly person. That seems pretty flexible. The perfect job to me would be maybe 3 days a week from 10-2 pm.

That sounds perfect! Where can I get one?

Janet · 09-19-2006, 08:38 AM

I only drive a school bus, but it really is the perfect job. I work whenever my son is in school. It doesn't get us rich, but I do carry the health insurance and it is really good. I can make extra if I take extra-curricular trips and sports trips. Also, if I feel the need for extra I can substitute teach. I like being able to be home most of the time during the day. I'm usually gone 2 hours in the morning and then 2 hours in the afternoon.

It can also be very rewarding at times. Some of those kids needs someone who cares about them and I really do. It can also be the most frustrating with kids who know no discipline.

Carolyn · 09-19-2006, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

I only drive a school bus, but it really is the perfect job. I work whenever my son is in school. It doesn't get us rich, but I do carry the health insurance and it is really good. I can make extra if I take extra-curricular trips and sports trips. Also, if I feel the need for extra I can substitute teach. I like being able to be home most of the time during the day. I'm usually gone 2 hours in the morning and then 2 hours in the afternoon.

It can also be very rewarding at times. Some of those kids needs someone who cares about them and I really do. It can also be the most frustrating with kids who know no discipline.

That is perfect Janet! My kids have the best bus driver this year. You can tell she really cares about the kids. I can imagine how bad it must be though with those unruly kids on the bus. Standing and screaming the whole ride! UGH!

Amber_lv · 09-19-2006, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

I only drive a school bus, but it really is the perfect job. I work whenever my son is in school. It doesn't get us rich, but I do carry the health insurance and it is really good. I can make extra if I take extra-curricular trips and sports trips. Also, if I feel the need for extra I can substitute teach. I like being able to be home most of the time during the day. I'm usually gone 2 hours in the morning and then 2 hours in the afternoon.

It can also be very rewarding at times. Some of those kids needs someone who cares about them and I really do. It can also be the most frustrating with kids who know no discipline.

I have road rage and i don't think having a bunch of screaming kids would help that lol i'd be like don't make me turn this bus around as i flipping them all around with my nascar driving lol

Mandy78 · 09-19-2006, 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amber_lv

I have road rage and i don't think having a bunch of screaming kids would help that lol i'd be like don't make me turn this bus around as i flipping them all around with my nascar driving lol

LOL!!! You are sooo silly! LOL!

Janet · 09-19-2006, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amber_lv

I have road rage and i don't think having a bunch of screaming kids would help that lol i'd be like don't make me turn this bus around as i flipping them all around with my nascar driving lol

You are just so funny...man I wish we lived closer to each other!!!

Amber_lv · 09-19-2006, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mandy78

LOL!!! You are sooo silly! LOL!

mwahhahahahhaha (with my evil laugh)

09-19-2006, 07:30 AM	#1
Taurus Babe Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 668	Relying on your Husband/partner financially I am more of the "independent type"and I guess that's just the way I was brought up...The way I think is I just need to be able to support myself no matter what arises (and you never know what could arise!) But my question is, what are the pros and cons of being in a relationship where there is one bread winner? How does it work, and how does it affect your relationship and self-esteem? One day, I would like to be a stay at home mother, but I want a degree and experience under my belt just so I know I can hold my own. I hate asking for money from my parents (who make it clear that it's okay for them to give me money while I'm in school), or even just borrowing money from my friends. Money just makes me nervous and tense How have you ladies delt with this? Ever had the opportuny and not taken it? Why? I know there are some stay at home moms out there, so if you would like to enlighten me, please! I am in a situation where I don't need to work and I would be fully supported by my bf when I move out there with him, but I most likely will end up working for Visa purposes (but that's another story). __________________ Taurus Babe aka Thorsmomma

09-19-2006, 07:35 AM	#2
Amber_lv Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Salt Lake Posts: 983	I to am very independent but after i had my second baby i just couldn't go back to work and my husband became the sole provider it's hard sometime because he gets an attitude like i bring home the bacon what do you do and i simply SLAP him upside the head with a frying pan and tell him i do nothing LOL hahahaha(evil laugh) No but he does get that attitude sometime and then i simply remind him of all i do and then threaten to go back to work and that always snaps him out of it. I truly love being home with my boys it's been way more fulfilling then any job I've ever had. __________________ Peeka-Boo-Daisy-Designs for all your doggy clothing needs Peeka's Myspace Daisy's Myspace

09-19-2006, 08:07 AM	#6
RLC12345678 4WT 500 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 1,614	My husband has a fantastic job and I don't need to work. My hubby told me that if I didn't want to work and if I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, or just a housewife until we have kids, that it is A-ok with him. But, I was raised to be independant. In this day in age, you just never know what will happen...Infidelity, death, sickness, the list goes on and on. I just prefer to work. I am not the housewife kind of person. I don't cook, I don't clean, I'm not having kids for awhile. I also don't want to have to ask hubby everytime I want something. I want the freedom to go out and buy things if I want them. I also want to have the feeling that I would be alright and I could stand on my own 2 feet if something ever happened to my hubby. Even if you have a degree and you are a housewife, if something happens to your hubby years and years down the road, you will have a hard time finding a job at an older age when you haven't had work experience in so many years. Now, this is just my opinion and how I feel. Some women make GREAT stay-at-home moms and excellent housewives. It is just my personality that prefers the working world. I would not feel like I was fulfilled if I didn't work, and an unfulfilled woman makes a bad wife and a bad mother. So, working is just what is best for me. Also, our marriage counselor said that the best relationships are those in which both people have equal education levels. My hubby has a post-graduate degree, and that is what I am pursuing myself. Sorry this is so long. I am sure whatever you decide will be the right choice for YOU and YOUR future and YOUR family. Everyone is different. __________________ Rebecca "To whom much is given, much is expected." ~Luke 12:48

09-19-2006, 08:38 AM	#10
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,624	I only drive a school bus, but it really is the perfect job. I work whenever my son is in school. It doesn't get us rich, but I do carry the health insurance and it is really good. I can make extra if I take extra-curricular trips and sports trips. Also, if I feel the need for extra I can substitute teach. I like being able to be home most of the time during the day. I'm usually gone 2 hours in the morning and then 2 hours in the afternoon. It can also be very rewarding at times. Some of those kids needs someone who cares about them and I really do. It can also be the most frustrating with kids who know no discipline. __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

09-19-2006, 07:43 AM	#3
Sherry Lynn Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Jersey Posts: 211	I've worked all my adult life and lived on my own, so I took care of myself before meeting my husband. But a recent injury has me home now and I might not go back to work. Hubby has always taken care of the bills, so I could spend my earnings however I wanted. I have a checking account.. he has one... and we have one together. Thankfully he's really generous so I never have to ask him for money. He always gives me cash and transfers money into my account. Usually I just pay with a credit card, though, and he pays the bill when it comes in. I'd hate it if I had to ask for money all the time. I think I want to find a part-time job, though, so I don't get so bored this winter.

09-19-2006, 08:14 AM	#7
Carolyn Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: NJ Posts: 151	I'm a SAHM and for me it works. My husband takes care of all the bills and finances and he gives me money every week but if I need more I just ask and I always have the credit cards! But even though I am dependent on him I feel independent knowing that if I had to make money I could. I have to say that being home taking care of the house and kids is harder than any job I had. But I'm happy that I'm able to be home. BUT now that the kids are in school all day I'm seriously thinking of getting something part time for something to do and get out of the house. I was thinking of something along the lines of a personal assistant/companion for an elderly person. That seems pretty flexible. The perfect job to me would be maybe 3 days a week from 10-2 pm.

09-19-2006, 08:21 AM	#8
Luv2Teach Guest Posts: n/a	I'm planning on working till I have kids. I would love to be able to stay home with them. If my bf and I would be financially stable, then yes I would. Since I started working, I've been saving money. I plan to use that as my spending money when I'm not working. I personally could not imagine stayine home everyday without having kids. I think I'd go crazy cleaning the house everyday. Good luck in what you decide to do.

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