Family is disappearing

[Janet]

I talked with my husband's step-sister today. Hadn't talked with her in a couple months. She (is 55 years old) moved in with some guy and whoever she is involved with, she forgets about herself and wraps her life around the guy...whoever he may be.

Anyway, I wanted to let her know that I will still fix Thanksgiving Dinner this year if anyone wants to come. I have fixed it for the last 5 years. Her brother is from Atlanta, Georgia and now that my in-laws have passed, he only comes home for his family reunion in October. Very doubtful we'll see much of him ever again. Hubby's sister and brother live out of state and never came home anyway nor do they call or communicate. His sister is too into her money and his brother is too into himself. His half-sister is a severe alcoholic and we haven't heard from her since her mother's passing.

There is just no family left on my husband's side and no one seems to care. It makes me so sad to think or rather know that we'll most likely never be ALL together again. It just kind of hit me today and really upset me.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Janet

I talked with my husband's step-sister today. Hadn't talked with her in a couple months. She (is 55 years old) moved in with some guy and whoever she is involved with, she forgets about herself and wraps her life around the guy...whoever he may be.

Anyway, I wanted to let her know that I will still fix Thanksgiving Dinner this year if anyone wants to come. I have fixed it for the last 5 years. Her brother is from Atlanta, Georgia and now that my in-laws have passed, he only comes home for his family reunion in October. Very doubtful we'll see much of him ever again. Hubby's sister and brother live out of state and never came home anyway nor do they call or communicate. His sister is too into her money and his brother is too into himself. His half-sister is a severe alcoholic and we haven't heard from her since her mother's passing.

There is just no family left on my husband's side and no one seems to care. It makes me so sad to think or rather know that we'll most likely never be ALL together again. It just kind of hit me today and really upset me.

Aww Janet that is sad, that happens with a lot of families once the parents have passed the siblings don't keep in touch. Everyone seems involved in their own lives these days. I can't say that for I have the opposite, some of my family gets to involved sometimes it's not good. They mean well but sometimes I have to draw the line as to what to tell them about things.. My hubby's side of family I see here and there... I just bother with his sister and her family.

Your a good person Janet its there lost..

[Shada]

That is sad Janet.

My grandmother passed 4 years ago. She was the glue, or the meeting place of the family.
Since she has been gone, (grandfather passed in 1986) I have only seen my great Aunts and cousins once. I sent my cousins a email (they all live out of state) about how important family is, and to please keep in touch as grandma would want, and never heard back, other than one who lives 15 miles away.

My mother and father together have been married (and divorced) 9 times. Yep you read that right. I have many step-brothers and sisters. Ex's due to divorce. Never keep in touch. Oh and one of my ex-step brothers called me once for a date!! How sick is that!! Of course I said NO. And he is my half brothers half brother.. can you follow this??
My half brother who is also my best friend. Raised with ex-step mother. A wonderful woman. Two half sisters I was raised with that I can't hardly stand.

Plus one of my ex-step brothers dated my mother for 10 years!!
Can you say dysfunctional family?? That really made me sick. He was (and is) a true low-life that I truly hate for the misery he brought to my mother.. plus there was 35 years between ages! Honest to God.

I have always said I could write a book on my familys history and nobody would believe it.

I hate to believe it myself.

Wow...I'm so sorry you're blue Janet. But it does seem like we're all a bit "dysfunctional". At least I've learned something today...I'm not the only one I guess it's true what they say "misery loves company". Find something positive to focus on for the rest of the day and fight off the blues, they don't get you anywhere: Hugs to you.

[Janet]

I'm not really blue and I'm not letting it get me down, it's just that the families were so big. Granted, nothing ever stays the same and we all grow older and leave our earthly bodies. It's just that I loved my husbands side of the family because of the size and it was always so much fun. Even though we may not have agreed on things, we agreed we liked being together. Now everyone is soooo spread out on his side and with the parents being gone, it's hard to stay close with everyday life getting in the way.

My side of the family was smaller and it wasn't near as fun or comforting to be together. Still, all my aunts and uncles are gone. Only a few cousins left, my mom and two brothers and that is pretty much it. Just kind of sad at times to know it will never again be like it was.

I don't let it get me down...I know life goes on, but it was sure fun while it lasted.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Shada

That is sad Janet.

My grandmother passed 4 years ago. She was the glue, or the meeting place of the family.
Since she has been gone, (grandfather passed in 1986) I have only seen my great Aunts and cousins once. I sent my cousins a email (they all live out of state) about how important family is, and to please keep in touch as grandma would want, and never heard back, other than one who lives 15 miles away.

My mother and father together have been married (and divorced) 9 times. Yep you read that right. I have many step-brothers and sisters. Ex's due to divorce. Never keep in touch. Oh and one of my ex-step brothers called me once for a date!! How sick is that!! Of course I said NO. And he is my half brothers half brother.. can you follow this??
My half brother who is also my best friend. Raised with ex-step mother. A wonderful woman. Two half sisters I was raised with that I can't hardly stand.

Plus one of my ex-step brothers dated my mother for 10 years!!
Can you say dysfunctional family?? That really made me sick. He was (and is) a true low-life that I truly hate for the misery he brought to my mother.. plus there was 35 years between ages! Honest to God.

I have always said I could write a book on my familys history and nobody would believe it.

I hate to believe it myself.

Wow Shada...maybe you really should write a book or a screenplay.

[DianaB]

I'm sorry that you're sad about your husband's family not getting together any more. I think that you should call them and let them know that you'd still like for them to come anyway. Hopefully some will still come but don't get upset with those that can't because we all have things that can come up and keep us from getting together.

After my grandparents died I thought that we probably wouldn't be seeing my aunts and cousins very much since we're all scattered over 5 states but my Mom and her sisters try to get the family together at least once a year.

For one, the girls (my Mom has 5 sisters) all take a sister's vacation with their husbands once a year. Sometimes it's a really nice vacation and sometimes it's just staying at one of their homes and shopping.

Two, one of my aunts invites the whole family to her home for Thanksgiving every other year. She has a large home and some take campers or she has a couple of children nearby that we can stay with. Some years we go and some years we don't because it's quite a drive for us.

Three, we have a weekend on Tablerock lake with whoever can come. That's what we did for our vacation and then went to Branson. It ended up that it was mostly Mom and her sisters with a couple of their cousins went. None of my first cousins were there but a couple of distant cousins were but next time it could be different.

We're a pretty close family and I really think that it's because my Mom and her sisters have chosen to keep the family close. Maybe you can come up with a day other than Thanksgiving to get together. Good luck.

[DianaB]

Wow, Shada!!!! I can't imagine growing up like that. I bet that it was really difficult and trying to explain to any one, well, I'm sure it was confusing. Writing a book might be an interesting idea!!!!

[Tiramisu]

I've had a sad realization with the death of my Mom, that there are people I'll never see again. We only saw some people at funerals anyway. I am now the oldest person in my immediate family and I just don't want the position! I went to visit my Mom about every other month and she came to spend most holidays with me, but won't go visit my sister or brother that often, so that connection will be lost.

I'm feeling like I've lost my home place.

[Janet]

That's a great idea Diana. Maybe something early summer or early fall would be a good time to plan something and then invite everyone. I'll have to do some more thinking on this. Holidays do make it bad sometimes for everyone out of state, but a mini-vacation might work. Hmmmm.

Sandy, that is exactly how I feel. When Mother's passing happens, I doubt there will be any get togethers with my two brothers. Maybe my older one, but very doubtlful for the younger one.

[Emmsmom]

Well I am in the very same boat. Without going into detail I really only have my grandmother left on my side of the family. We have been going back home for cookouts, and thanksgiving off and on for years. My DH's aunt is the one that held all of the get togethers. My DH's mom and dad would go over there as well but his 4 brothers and 1 sister never do. We NEVER go over to his mom and dad's for Christmas or Thanksgiving. He doesn't get a long well with his brothers and sister at all. Anyway my daughter LOVES going over to the farm for these get togethes. Now his aunt is dying and isn't expected to live through the week. I can't help but thinking that what little family that we do have left will be gone. The get togethers will stop I am sure once she dies. It wil be really hard on her kids I am sure.

I can certainly understand how you feel. When you don't have a large family to begin with it sure is hard to face.

[Janet]

It really is hard to face, even at this age. When hubby and I first met, he had such a huge family. His family was a his/hers/ours family. He even had all the grandparents which was totally new to me, because mine had passed right before or shortly after I was born, so I never new what grandparents were like. His were wonderful and I loved them so much.

Then of course as time goes on, the kids marry, move away, come back for visits, but then start having families of their own and it makes it harder. I understand completely, but it's just hard knowing we'll most likely never see each other again unless it would be at a funeral. Crazy isn't it...people will travel to see you dead, but not when they can enjoy you alive. Sad.

[Shada]

Isn't it sad how the world is progressing?

Family and neighbors... used to be so close! Growing up all my Aunts, Uncles and their kids were at Grandma's and Grandpa's every Sunday for dinner. So many happy good memories of those times. Holiday get-togethers were huge!!

Neighbors were like family. Sit out on the porch and visit... kids running from one home to the next.. like a big family.

Family values have changed. Its sad.

[Marilyn]

Janet, sorry you are feeling sad about what is happening. We're in the same boat here. I've mentioned some of our family issues in the past. We are basically the ones at the top, our parents are all gone, and we don't get together with our siblings. Melissa married into a huge family, so the wedding pics of her and hubby with his side are amazing. When our family stood for the pics, we invited some friends to stand with us because it was just the 4 of us and her new hubby. Sad, but that's how it works sometimes.

When I was growing up, both parents came from big families, so I had a bunch of aunts, uncles and cousins, but once the older generations passed on, the families splintered off. Hubby came from a big family on his mother's side, but the same thing happened to them.

Hope you are able to pull your's together as Diana suggested. We've started inviting friends from small families who are in our same situation to join us. It's not quite the same, but at least we can help each other.

[Janet]

That's a great idea too Marilyn, inviting friends. I remember growing up we would have cookouts with the neighbors and I remember these different colored glasses made of shiney metal that we would put cold drinks in and I still remember how they would sweat. Always neighbors stopping by.

You're right Shada, it is definitely not the same. I miss it all so much.