Burial, past or present?

[Janet]

Okay let me see if I can ask this in a way that doesn't sound strange. One year ago we lost my father-in-law. He was married first to my husbands mother, who was tragically killed in a car/train accident when he was about 9 or 10. His Dad remarried a few years later to a lady with two children and then they had one together.

He had a burial plot next to his first wife, but when he passed, a new plot was purchased for him and for when my hubby's step-mother passes so they can be buried together.

I just feel (and my hubby too) so sad that his mother is buried alone. So I guess the question is, how would you all have handled it. We kind of feel if he wanted buried somewhere else, he would have pre-bought their places, like he did with his first wife. His first wife was the love of his life and he was so totally devastated when she passed. If it wasn't for him having 3 children, they don't think he would have made it through the pain. No one is upset about how things were done, this is just thoughts my husband and I discussed. Sooo...what d'ya think?

[Taurus Babe]

It's kinda a hard call. My immediate thoughts are that he should be burried with his first wife. If he bought two spots together so they could rest next to each other, then thats where he should have been layed to rest. Upon closer thought, he did enter another relationship with a women who he loved (that what it sounds like) and maybe his feelings changed through this relationship. It's a hard call. Did anyone speak to him while he was alive about what he wanted?

I would think in those situations that he should have expressed to someone or in writting where and with whom he wanted to be buried.

[Janet]

No...he didn't let anyone know anything. The two plots were bought after his death, whereas the ones with his first wife were bought shortly after they married. We're not going to do anything about it, but after talking about it, I thought it would be interesting to know how others feel. Yes he did love his second wife, not as much we don't think as the first, because they fought a lot.

[Taurus Babe]

I would have buried him with the first wife. Maybe that's just cause I'm sentimental like that, but especially if they fought a lot....

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Taurus Babe

I would have buried him with the first wife. Maybe that's just cause I'm sentimental like that, but especially if they fought a lot....

Yeah that's what I would have done, but with hubby having step-brother and step-sister, I don't think he wanted to cause hurt feelings. If they would have asked me....which they didn't....LOL....I would probably put my father-in-law in between the two. I just hate the thought of my husbands mother being buried alone. Maybe if hubby goes first I'll let him be with her and I'll be buried with my mom and dad...LOL

[magnolia]

Originally Posted by Janet

Yeah that's what I would have done, but with hubby having step-brother and step-sister, I don't think he wanted to cause hurt feelings. If they would have asked me....which they didn't....LOL....I would probably put my father-in-law in between the two. I just hate the thought of my husbands mother being buried alone. Maybe if hubby goes first I'll let him be with her and I'll be buried with my mom and dad...LOL

That's what I would have done too.....buried him between the 2. I can understand how you feel, how torn.

[RLC12345678]

Well, my dad's father died and his mother got remarried, but when she passed, which was before her 2nd husband, she was buried next to her first husband.

[DianaB]

This is a situation that should have been discussed with him before he died. That way the family would have known his wishes.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by DianaB

This is a situation that should have been discussed with him before he died. That way the family would have known his wishes.

Yes, this is true, but he wasn't one to talk about such things.

[Sherry Lynn]

That's why I want to be creamated. (That, and funerals are EXPENSIVE! )

I've told everyone in my family that if I should go, to not spend anything on a funeral but to take my insurance money and buy a new car, put in a pool, or take a cruise/vacation! Something fun!

I should put that in writting, huh.

[Kimberley]

I would have place him by his first wife and bought a plot on the other side of him. That way, he's in the middle and everyone is happy.

He should have put it in writing.

[Janet]

I agree. A person's wishes should be in writing, but his wasn't. It's no big deal really, we just got to talking one evening and felt bad that his mother was buried alone. On his mother's stone, they do have his name and his birth and death date. Just no one buried beside her.

[rivermom]

That's a tough call really. And it's hard to answer.

My Grandmother married a man, then he passed. She then married his Brother, and he passed. Later on sadly then my Grandmother passed.

She is buried right smack between the two Brothers.

I dunno, it's always kinda made me chuckle really.

[Marilyn]

At least they put his name and dates beside his first wife. If he'd wanted to be buried between them, seems like he'd have bought the extra plots so that there would have been room. It really doesn't matter in the big scheme of things. The funeral and burial are for the living. Look at all the soldiers buried far from their families in foreign fields. Ashes to ashed, dust to dust. I've told my family to cremate me if they can and spread my ashes wherever they feel is most appropriate, but don't argue over anything. If they want me buried so they have a piece of ground with a headstone to visit, then do that, but don't waste a lot of money. The simplest coffin and such, the better. Don't let the funeral director talk them into making him richer. A wooden box would be just fine with my pillow and favorite down comforter. I'm headed for a city with streets paved with gold much better than anything here.