So what would you do?

[Tink]

I have a friend who is like a sister to me. We've known each other our whole lives as our parents were friends since before either of us were born. She's a very good person and I love her dearly.

When her first husband was cheating on her, it was me who learned of it and ended up telling her. She divorced him shortly after.

Now she's been married for over 20 yrs and her hubby has been fired from one job after another this past year. She told me that if she knew he was doing this intentionally he'd be out the door.

I got him an interview where I was working a few months ago and he wasn't hired. I overheard that he'd answered the questions in less than appropraite ways that made the interviewer lose interest in him quickly. I haven't said anything about knowing that to my friend.

Now I got her hubby another interview as a teller in the bank I work for. He has worked as a teller before, so I figured it was something he could do and he acted excited about the chance. I was told yesterday that he'd gone completely against the advice I had given him during the interview and as a result would not be called in for a 2nd interview. I can't help but feel it's intentional now. I really suspect he's just gotten too comofrtable letting her support them.

The sad part is, what she earns isn't cutting it. Unless he gets work they're going to have to sell their home and possibly a vehicle or 2. I know he's been after her to do this already and she doesn't want to. She enjoys her home and is starting to really resent him for not contributing.

So when she asks me if I've heard anything about when he'll be called for the 2nd interview, what do I say? I'm not comfortable lying to her. Yet I don't want to be the bearer of bad news a second time that could result in another divorce.

I'm done sticking my neck out for him. I just feel really bad for her and am not sure what the kinder thing to do is. So what would you do?

[Mandy]

WOW that's a tough one!! She is your friend Tink, and i think she deserves to know the truth, but how do you tell her

You are a GOOD friend to care so much, i wish i had the answer for you! Good luck and keep us posted ok?

[RLC12345678]

I definately think you should tell her, IF she asks. If she asks you when her hubby will be called back for a 2nd interview, I would tell her exactly what happened. If she acts, you should be like..."Oh my gosh! I don't know WHAT his problem is. I gave him advice on how to handle the interview and teh interviewer told me he did the exact opposite! So, unfortunately they aren't calling him back for a 2nd interview."

Then with that being said, let her determine for HERSELF if he is throwing the interviews on purpose. I think you should just be up front and honest about what you know FOR SURE and let her assume what she wants to from it.

[rivermom]

You have been a very good friend for so many years. If it feels right in your heart to tell her the truth, and she asks, then by all means. It sounds like she really relies on you for your input and suggestions, so maybe this is another time she is really counting on you. I don't know really...It's a very hard situation and I am sorry you've been placed in the middle of it.

[Janet]

I think honesty is the best policy...if...she asks. I would also ask the hubby why he did the opposite of what you told him...

I would never arrange an interview for him again....they (future employers) may think you're not a good judge of character. He obviously doesn't really want to work.

[Gina]

I agree with the rest of the girls, honesty is the best policy. Just tell her the truth don't have to elaborate. If she is smart she will put the pieces together herself and confront him. You are in a bad situation but in the long run, you are doing your friend a disservice of not being honest, if you don't say anything.

[Tink]

Thanks all!
I just got home tonight from my training, so haven't heard from my friend yet. I always enjoy talking with her on the phone, but right now I'm half afraid she might call. I have no intention of mentioning the interview, but would be shocked if she doesn't. I wouldn't ever tell her how this looks to me... she's smart enough to figure out for herself what, if anything, is up.

Just to clarify, when her first dh was cheating, she came right out and asked me if I thought he might be. (He had told me himself that he was), so I just told her that was something she would have to ask him. She knew when I didn't say "NO" that she had hit the nail on the head.

I have decided that if/when she asks, I'm just going to say that I was told he wouldn't be called back for a second interview. IF she pushes for more I will say that he said he wouldn't be comfortable with the sales portion of the job, and that's a major issue in their choice. She knows I told him about that prior to the interview, so I don't need to say anything more.

[Janet]

Sounds like you really know what you're doing when it comes to your friend. She knows without you having to say too much and getting yourself in trouble. Good friends are like that though, you never have to say too much for each other to know what's going on.....