Joke of the Day

[katcarasella]

~Tuesday~May13th~Joke of the Day~

10 Reasons God Created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because He knew men would never ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote because men don't want to see what is on TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on TV.

8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when the seat wore out and therefore would need Eve to get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appt for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated there would have to someone to bear children because men would never be able to handle it.

4. As Keeper of the Garden Adam would never remember where he put his tools.

3. The Scripture account of creation indicates that Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone", he only ends up getting himself in trouble.

And the NUMBER ONE reason...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam he stepped back, scratched his head and said, "I can do better than that."

[Forgivenmom5]

That's great Kat. I love it!

[DianaB]

That's cute! I'm so tempted to read this one to my husband but I don't think that he'd appreciate it!!!

[teri88]

I did read it to my husband. He said, and I quote "ha ha"

[teri88]

Originally Posted by katcarasella

A LETTER FROM AN IRISH MOTHER..


Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive.
I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast.
You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved.
Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery.
There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good.
Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since.
Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl,
so I don't know if you're an uncle or aunt.
Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery.
His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely.
He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.
I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me.
Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets.
Your Father wanted to buy it from him.
It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.
We had a letter from the undertaker.
He said if the final payment on your Grandmother's grave wasn't paid in seven days - up she comes.
Your loving Mother XXXX

P.S. I was going to send you 10 dollars, but I'd already sealed the envelope.

I missed this one the other day. This is hysterical!

[katcarasella]

TO ALL OF YOU!!!

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2...hank-you_7.gif

[katcarasella]

Wednesday~May 14th~Jokes

A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully said each word right up to the end..."And lead us not into temptation", she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."


A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the bride wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boys thinks about this, and then says, "Well then why is the groom wearing black..."


"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son.
"Diet."


'Grandad, do you know how to croak?'
I don't think so, Steven, why?"
'Because Dad says he'll be rich when you do.'


A woman got on a bus with seven children. The bus conductor asked: 'Are these all yours lady? Or is it a picnic?'
'They're all mine,' she replied. 'And it's no picnic!'


The first thing a child learns when he gets a drum is that he'll never get another one.


A father was talking to his son. 'Now listen, my boy, from now on you do your own home-work. I'm not going to do any more for you - it's not right.' 'I know.' said the boy. 'but have a shot at it just the same.

Eleven year old's environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution: 'When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead.'

[DianaB]

Cute ones, Kat!!!!

[Janet]

Some of those were really cute!

[katcarasella]

~Thursday~May 15th~Joke~


Jack's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Jack would head outside to the porch.
His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the matter, Jack? Don't you like my singing?"
Jack replied, "Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."

[teri88]

lol! lol! lol! I have to tell that one to Megan. She is quite loud when she practices. (But at least it sound good!)

[katcarasella]

~Friday~May 16th~Jokes~

When I become old

When I'm a little old lady, then I'll live with my children and bring them great joy.

To repay all I've had from each girl and boy I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor; run in and out without closing the door.

I'll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my bed. And whenever they scold me, I'll hang my head.

I'll run and I'll romp, always fritter away ..... the time to be spent doing chores every day.

I'll pester my children when they are on the phone. As long as they're busy I won't leave them alone.

Hide candy in closets, rocks in a drawer ... and never pick up what I drop on the floor.

Dash off to the movies and not wash a dish. I'll plead for allowance whenever I wish.

I'll stuff up the plumbing and deluge the floor. As soon as they've mopped it, I'll flood it some more.

When they correct me, I'll lie down and cry, kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye.

I'll take all their pencils and flashlights, and then .. when they buy new ones, I'll take them again.

I'll spill glasses of milk to complete every meal .... Eat my banana and just drop the peel.

Put toys on the table, spill jam on the floor. I'll break lots of dishes as though I were four.

What fun I shall have, what joy it will be to Live with my children....just the way that they lived with me!

[Janet]

That was cute..

[Tink]

A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place,
and as he shows her around his apartment.

She notices that one wall of his bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom,
with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf,
medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf,
and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy
to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears,

She is quite impressed by his sensitive side,
but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,
after awhile, she finds herself thinking,

"Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?"
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips

He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom
where they rip off each others
clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,
more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,
"Well, how was it?"

The guy gently smiles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes, and says:


"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf"

[Chandra Amaya]

lol I have seen this before but forgot the punchline. Such a man thing to say!