My best friend's wedding

[Lindsey]

This wedding is being really hard on my bank account! I am her maid of honor, which I was absolutely thrilled to accept. I love her to death and I love her fiance and I want her to have the best day ever
So it's all great... BUT she lives about 6 hours from me. I have driven there twice since last summer, and it is a VERY LONG drive! In 2 weeks I am going back to help her with wedding favors. Scott has volunteered to come with me so the drive won't be so lonely. Another bridesmaid and another mutual friend of ours will be there that weekend too, so Scott and I are getting a hotel room... another additional cost!
I just made a ton of phone calls last night inviting her family and her fiance's family to a bridal shower I am throwing for her in our hometown in May. Her whole family lives there and all of our friends can make it home, so it should all work out. It's only 2.5 hours from here so the drive isn't too bad! I'll have to make it home a couple weeks beforehand to put up posters downtown and set up donation envelopes in the stores. However, her fiance's family is also throwing a bridal shower for HIS side of the family. His sister told me about it on the phone last night, and she would really like all of the bridesmaids to be able to attend. It is happening 2 weeks before the one I'm giving her, and this one will be held in Edmonton - about a 6 or 7 hour drive from here.
We still need to plan her bachelorette party, which she has discussed with another bridesmaid already. She would also like that to be in Edmonton! So it's going to be another weekend of hotel rooms, clubbing, and shopping! And of course, the gas money and time to drive again to Edmonton and back home again in one weekend.
She also asked me what day I can be there before the wedding. Since I haven't been around to help her out with invitations or really anything else that I could be doing, I told her I will be there whenever she needs me. She is getting married on Saturday and asked me if I could be there on Wednesday night... that way we can have a relaxing day on Thursday to get our nails done and hang out before the chaos of Friday when all of her family arrives and making sure everything is set for the wedding on Saturday. I absolutely want to do that and be there for her and share that time with her, even though it's going to cost me an extra couple of nights in a hotel!
Unfortunately, out of all the bridesmaids, I live the furthest away by far! The others only live a couple of hours from Edmonton (and the bride only lives an hour from Edmonton). I feel so wonderful that she chose me to be her maid of honor, and I am thrilled that she is getting married to such a great guy, and I really can't wait for the wedding! But I feel guilty thinking about the stuff it's taking away from me... I am just now realizing that most of my money for my European vacation this fall is going into giving my best friend the best day of her life. I don't think I can afford to go to Europe. I don't even know if I'll have the vacation days left. On the other hand, she means the world to me and I want her to be happy!

[Marilyn]

Wow, that's quite a saga. I don't understand the whole thing about the shower you are throwing for her. Must be cultural differences. Here we mail out invitations to the event. The work is determining a location, decorations, cake, punch, nuts, mints and buying a gift. That's about all there is to throwing a shower. I don't understand calling to invite people, the posters downtown or the donation envelopes left in stores. That sounds like a lot of work to do in addition to the other shower arrangements. People here would not know what to make of all of that.

She had better be a really good friend for all you are doing. A dear friend of our oldest daughter had her as a bridesmaid in her wedding. Our daughter bought an expensive dress, flew to Las Vegas, spent 3 or 4 days there helping with everything, flew home, and since that day has not had any contact with the bride. None at all. Our daughter left voice mails, sent text messages. She was deleted as a friend on MySpace. She has no idea why this happened. She was out quite a bit of money for a "dear friend". They had known each other several years, had been through a lot together, and were very close. She took care of the bride when she got sick at her bachelorette party, did a lot of the work a maid of honor would do, and the thanks was to be cut off. We have never heard a reason why, and this was a couple of years ago.

Hope all goes well, and that your friend truly appreciates all that you are doing and that you maintain a long and happy relationship. Experiences like this teach us life lessons. Just hope your lesson is a rewarding and happy one.

[Lindsey]

The difference in the shower I think is just that we are from a very small town with a population of 500. Everyone knew us, everyone watched us grow up, so a lot of people like to be able to pitch in or know about a shower to stop by and bring a gift or whatever. One woman who was actually our 4th grade teacher has already volunteered to make up trays meats and cheese and vegetables etc. to snack on during the shower, so basically all I need to do that day is decorate! We only have two stores in our little town, so usually when someone is getting married, donation envelopes are left at the stores with a poster for anyone who knows them and would like to leave a small amount of money instead of buying a gift. It could be our old teachers, librarians, old coworkers, or anyone who doesn't feel close enough to the bride to show up at the shower, but still wants to give something
I was also planning on mailing invitations, but the best my friend could do was give me phone numbers, so that's what I was left with!
That's really sad about your daughter's friend My friend and I have managed to stay very close in the past 7 years not even living in the same province. Even though we usually only see each other maybe 2 or 3 times a year, we still finish each other's sentences and have such a good time every time we're together. We've been very close friends since we were 6 years old, so we have a lifetime of memories together. I hope we continue to stay close!

[Blueyes]

Maybe you could at least get out of going to the shower from the grooms side. They should understand that is a lot of extra expense for you. Just explain the situation to the bride..she probably hasn't even thought about how much time and money this is taking from you!

[DianaB]

That's what I was going to say. Figure out what you really want to go to and can afford to go to. Then explain about the expense. If she's a good friend she'll realize what all of this is costing you and let you off of the hook on some things. It really does sound like she's expecting a lot from you.

[Tiramisu]

You sound like a wonderful friend and I wish I had a close friend just like you. I think all these good deeds will come back to you.

[Lindsey]

Aww thank you! I think I may have to skip out on the Edmonton shower... At least I am making it to one shower and I will make it to Edmonton for the bachelorette party. I will talk to her about it next weekend when I visit.
If I budget well, I may be able to afford going to Europe after all. And if I can't afford it fully, I may just put some on my credit card and it can be paid off when I get back. It's just an opportunity I don't want to pass up and I want to have my own little adventure while I am young. I think it's the kind of trip that would have a big impression on me and I would grow and learn so much from it!

[judy]

Originally Posted by Blueyes

Maybe you could at least get out of going to the shower from the grooms side. They should understand that is a lot of extra expense for you. Just explain the situation to the bride..she probably hasn't even thought about how much time and money this is taking from you!

I third that idea. I'm sure she will understand. You are a wonderful maid of honor, and a good friend. Jessie's maid of honor was just terrible. She didn't do a thing, and they are still good friends.

I love that your whole town gets involved in a wedding. That is lovely.

How about not worrying about the money, and just enjoying the experience of being at your friend's side. As long as your bills are paid, and you can still go to Europe, it's only money.

I went to Europe in my twenties with my first husband, and I totally agree that you should go while you're young. I will never forget that trip, and the things I saw and did. We couldn't really afford it either, but here I am, still fine!

[pope1982]

From the brides point of view, the material gestures are nice and appreciated but really all we care about is you sharing in our excitement and standing beside us on the most important day of our life.

My MOH lives in Massachusetts, which from Baltimore is about the same... 6 hours away. She and my brother are extremely strapped for cash, they recently had to move out of their first home because the mortgage became too much and are renting from our other brother. They bust their humps and my brother was recently laid off from a company he has been with over ten years.

I could have cared less about the "traditional" MOH duties, in fact I planned my wedding myself but sent her pics and kept in constant touch when any decisions were being made so it were as if she were by my side since day one and she gave me her opinion. I didn't have a bridal shower, and we really had joint bachelor/bachelorette parties that lasted for days with all of us just hanging out and goofing around for days before the wedding. It was awesome.

She will understand if everything isn't "perfect" trust me, if there is one thing she is learning in this experience, it is that! lol And that is okay because it's impossible for everything to be!
Take a little pool from other girls and putting money together as a joint gift. Just don't kill yourself feeling like nothing is good enough, after all love can't be bought it is earned and with her asking you to do her that honor, you have already proved yourself worthy

Just remember it is your duty to be the burden bearer lol (but you must do so secretly in private, always calm and collect in front of the bride even if you have to fib. We can't have a hysterical bride!) & take the time and enjoy the experience for what it is worth, it is a once in a lifetime day and it is over in the blink of an eye.

[Marilyn]

Originally Posted by Lindsey

The difference in the shower I think is just that we are from a very small town with a population of 500. Everyone knew us, everyone watched us grow up, so a lot of people like to be able to pitch in or know about a shower to stop by and bring a gift or whatever. One woman who was actually our 4th grade teacher has already volunteered to make up trays meats and cheese and vegetables etc. to snack on during the shower, so basically all I need to do that day is decorate! We only have two stores in our little town, so usually when someone is getting married, donation envelopes are left at the stores with a poster for anyone who knows them and would like to leave a small amount of money instead of buying a gift. It could be our old teachers, librarians, old coworkers, or anyone who doesn't feel close enough to the bride to show up at the shower, but still wants to give something
I was also planning on mailing invitations, but the best my friend could do was give me phone numbers, so that's what I was left with!
That's really sad about your daughter's friend My friend and I have managed to stay very close in the past 7 years not even living in the same province. Even though we usually only see each other maybe 2 or 3 times a year, we still finish each other's sentences and have such a good time every time we're together. We've been very close friends since we were 6 years old, so we have a lifetime of memories together. I hope we continue to stay close!

The explaination of the shower makes sense. I have no concept of such a small town where everyone knows everyone and it's natural to do things differently. She sounds like a true friend who will be there for you and you for her after all the dust settles.

Enjoy the experience. Sounds like you have a good plan skipping the other shower.