abusive relationship help

[celstu1]

Originally Posted by bettyboop

Your relationship sounded a lot like mine except except for the emotional abuse.. i guess ive been thinking a lot like you.. with the "if he really loved me he wouldnt do this" but the thing is i know he really does.. hes done things like come to my place like 3 in the morning to help me because i was so lost on what to do even though he had to get up early the next day.. things like that. but then he goes around with the physical stuff which totally throws me off guard.

the thing with my family.. its so bad.. honestly its one of those messed up things you only hear on oprah.. i could never tell my friends, not even my best friends.. not because they arent good friends but its too much of a burden for them to know. plus my family has a good reputation- well known, well off.. theres no way id let ppl know. and im NOT making excuses.. i wouldnt mind telling it to a therapist but definitely not my friends. they have been bugging me about it for a long time but yeah.. i would like to go to a therapist to talk it out about some things but i really am trying to save up money to move out of my house (away from my family) first and there is no way i can do it while affording a therapist.

so i dont know right now.. my emotions are still running everywhere.. i am definitely at least taking a break from him for the time being. thanks for sharing your story.. its giving me a different perspective on things.

I am very glad you are listening to everyone and their stories and opinions. Its important to see this from all angles. I think that in your case, as well as mine, there is a fine line between love and obsession. Make sure its love.

Him coming at 3am does not constitute love, my ex did wonderful things for me through the years, but the overall picture told a different story. I guess in his own messed up way he loved me. He probably loved me more than he'll ever love anyone else, but still not enough to sustain a relationship forever. Make sure you SEE this.

After we broke up, I bought my own house, new car, am back in college to finally finish my degree. He bought me a coach pocketbook one time (nice right??) and then said "it will probably be the only one you'll ever have cuz you can't afford them" ... haha well I have 3 now, and 2 I bought myself. Thats not the point though I guess his 'presents and gifts and kindnesses' came at a cost to my self-esteem. Back then I thought "Hes so great to do this for me or that for me" but looking back I realized all I had to put up for those little moments of kindness.

I met a GREAT guy earlier this year, we've been together 8 months now. Hes PERFECT for me. I LOVE HIM sooo much I can't picture my life without him. YET, i know if he were to walk I wouldn't die. I wouldn't fall apart. He is not my other half, he does not complete me. I took MANY MANY years to complete myself. He makes me stronger, he makes me kinder, he makes me softer, he accentuates ME. He makes my life BETTER. I make my life whole and complete. This is sooo important (in my opinion) to remember. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to people. Two wholes make a healthy, happy, wonderful relationship! Become whole on your own. Realize your worth. When yo do that and you still want this guy, then go for it. But if he does not improve on himself while you do then you won't want him anymore, guarantee that! (((HUGS)))