Layla

[Lindsey]

I have not been a religious person for a long time and right now is when I need to pray for a miracle more than ever and I have been having trouble feeling any connection. On my lunch break I had to run to the bathroom, sit in a stall, and completely break down. I was sobbing. I don't know what to do.

When I came back to my desk I did a little search on how to get prayers answered. And I realized I don't believe enough. I need to ask specifically for what I need... for Layla's spine to heal itself and her brain and body to reconnect, and I have to believe it's happening before I see anything. The dog I saw Wednesday night and the dog I saw last night were so different... she's already happier and loving us and having energy. That's an improvement in itself. I just have to know that her spine IS trying to heal and it's still sooooo early. Nerves can take weeks or months to heal and regenerate. God is working on her, I have to know that.

[paula1961]

Lynsey.......I believe in miracles! I will continue to pray for Layla's full recovery. Be strong sweetie. I know you must be mentally and physically exhausted.
I have been away but I did check in a couple of times and saw your thread. I have been praying for Layla, you and Scott.

[Lindsey]

Thank you so much Paula. So many people care about her, so many people are praying, I am begging for a miracle!

I am going nuts and I can't function at all. I just need to try to stay positive because I know negative energy could hurt her recovery.

[Gina]

Ohhhhhhhh Lindsey I read about Layla from your posts on FB. I am soo sorry to hear what she is going through. I have her in my prayers and you and Scott also. If this is any help as to know what your feeling. Believe me I know Gucci had liver shunt surgery when she was 2 yrs. old and I cried like a baby. Please believe that she will get better.. Positive energy is essential along with prayers.. You will see she will recover.. hugs sweetie...

[Lindsey]

I am worried that Scott and I won't make it through this together.

[Blueyes]

Why not?

[Lindsey]

It's so hard. I've been with her 24 hours a day since she got home and I feel like I'm alone because Scott is doing other things he thinks need to get done like rearranging furniture so we can watch movies better, or vacuuming the ceiling fans or whatever and then tells me I can't just let the house fall down around me because Layla is sick. Then last night he said I need to pay more attention to him, and I said Layla is my biggest concern right now. He said I'm obsessed with trying to convince myself she'll get better.

This morning I tried to have a few seconds of normalcy by checking my email after I got ready for work, so I left Layla alone for a minute and as soon as he saw me he yelled "WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT ON YOUR COMPUTER THAN TAKING CARE OF LAYLA?!" and I yelled back saying he told me not to spend all my time with her, and then I ran to Layla and collapsed on the floor and bawled beside her. On the way to work I was asking if he remembered to pack blah blah blah for her and he assured me he went through the whole list I made last night. We got here and he didn't pack anything for her to take her pills with, except an apple slice that I can't hide pills in. I called him and asked how he gave her pills with an apple slice, there was sandwich meat on the list and he said he would pack everything. And he got angry and hung up on me. So I was left all alone trying to feed Layla her pain killers and crying at work trying to get anything down her throat.

I am just feeling SO ALONE. I am her only caretaker, and I was awake with her until 4 am while he slept, and I have to be with her all day and give her the meds and make sure she's happy and comfortable while still getting work done. I love her and I don't resent her at all but I am just spreading so thin, I am exhausted, I am not eating, and I am getting sick myself. When I try to lean on Scott and try to get hope that she will be okay and this is all for SOMETHING, he tells me I'm stressing him out and bringing him down.

I feel like my life is falling apart.