Funny Quote for the Day.

[Janet]

Those were funny Kat!!

[katcarasella]

~Saturday~May 10th~Quotes

Roseanne Barr Quotes:

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. I think I must have been Adolf Hitler in a past life.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

[Janet]

Roseanne is one of my favorites. I still love watching her reruns.

[teri88]

Me too! My daughter and I love to watch the old reruns and we just howl with laughter!

[katcarasella]

~HAPPY MOTHERS DAY~SUNDAY~ MAY 11~

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.
More funny Kin Hubbard quotes

***You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
More funny Captain Penny's Law quotes

***Only mothers can think of the future-because they give birth to it in their children.
More funny Maxim Gorky quotes

***My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
More funny Bob Monkhouse quotes

***My mom was a garage sale person, save money. Come on in to the garage sale, you might find a shirt. She'd get in that garage sale and point stuff out to you. There's a good fork for a nickel. Yeah, that's beautiful. It's a little high. If it were three cents I'd snap it up.
More funny Louie Anderson quotes

***If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
More funny Milton Berle quotes

***
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.
Peter De Vries

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
Phyllis Diller

Women's Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's the men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one's likely to do anything about that.
Golda Meir

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
Oscar Wilde, "The Importance of Being Earnest"

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.
Sophia Loren, "Women and Beauty"

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.
Aristotle

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.
Irish Proverb

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.
Jewish Proverb

You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.
William D. Tammeus

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it.
Haim Ginott

[katcarasella]

~Monday~May 12th~Funny Quotes~

"I call everyone 'Darling' because I can't remember their names."
Zsa Zsa Gabor

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?"
Linda Ellerbee

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman."
Margaret Thatcher

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."
Katharine Hepburn

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country."
Elaine Boosler

"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night."
Marie Corelli

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."
Gilda Radner

"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid."
Hedy Lamarr

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
Marion Pearson

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house."
Zsa Zsa Gabor

[teri88]

very funny! I love your new avatar!