Joke of the Day

[Janet]

Originally Posted by katcarasella

~Monday~May 5th~Joke

A letter to Tide detergent

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! One evening about a month ago, while at home, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My husband started to berate me about my drinking problem and how expensive the blouse was. Well, one thing lead to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse, as well.

I tried to get the stains out using the bargain brand detergent my cheap husband bought, but they just wouldn't come out. I went to the local convenience store and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the forensic DNA tests were all negative!

I thank you, once again, for a great product!

Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

Sincerely,

Recently Widowed

I really like this one!!!!

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by katcarasella

~Monday~May 5th~Joke

A letter to Tide detergent

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! One evening about a month ago, while at home, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My husband started to berate me about my drinking problem and how expensive the blouse was. Well, one thing lead to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse, as well.

I tried to get the stains out using the bargain brand detergent my cheap husband bought, but they just wouldn't come out. I went to the local convenience store and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the forensic DNA tests were all negative!

I thank you, once again, for a great product!

Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

Sincerely,

Recently Widowed

LOLOLOL!

[teri88]

OMG(osh) oh, that really cracked me up! Can't wait to share that one with everyone I know!

[Chandra Amaya]

wow the tide is great! and the love is just adorable. Some times it takes a child's eye to make us remember.

Thank you for this ...cute!

[katcarasella]

~Friday~May 9th~Joke~

An old couple were sitting in church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. She leaned across to her husband and whispered,
"I've just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
He said,"I think you should get batteries for your hearing aid."


An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home."
"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner. Now I do it in ten..."

[DianaB]

I like the jokes you come up with, Kat! These are really cute!!!!

[katcarasella]

~Saturday~May 10th~Joke

While recently riding on the bus standing up, a friend of mine grabbed onto the pole nearest her to keep herself steady while the bus traveled down the road. She soon noticed a young man, who was also hanging on to the same pole, staring at her. Although this was somewhat annoying, she decided to just look the other way.
Soon the bus came to a stop. Clearing his throat, the young man said,
"Excuse me. This is my stop."
Since she wasn't blocking his way, my friend was slightly confused.
"Well," she said, "go ahead."
"And this is my pole," the young man said.
My friend was completely perplexed until the young man added, "I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower curtain."

[Janet]

LOLOL.....good one!


Kat, I like your jokes. Not only are they funny, they're clean!

[teri88]

Now that is funny! something I could see happening to me!

[katcarasella]

SUNDAY~MAY 11TH~MOTHER'S DAY

You Know You're a Mom When ......


1. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor.....and you don't care.

2. When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.

3. You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

4. You spend an entire week wearing sweats.

5. Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

6. Popsicles become a food staple.

7. Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

8. Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.

9. You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of where it is.

10. Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her, after you suck the dirt off of it because your too busy to wash it off.

11. Your kids make jokes about flatulence, burping, pooping, etc. and you think it's funny.

12. You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

13. Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

14. You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller balding, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

15. In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.

16. You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

17. The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice crispies bars.

[katcarasella]

A LETTER FROM AN IRISH MOTHER..


Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive.
I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast.
You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved.
Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery.
There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good.
Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since.
Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl,
so I don't know if you're an uncle or aunt.
Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery.
His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely.
He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.
I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me.
Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets.
Your Father wanted to buy it from him.
It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.
We had a letter from the undertaker.
He said if the final payment on your Grandmother's grave wasn't paid in seven days - up she comes.
Your loving Mother XXXX

P.S. I was going to send you 10 dollars, but I'd already sealed the envelope.

[katcarasella]

~Monday~May 12th~Jokes~

Signs that You've had Too Much Computing

You try to enter your password on the microwave.

You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back, 'What's for dinner dad?'

Your daughter sets up a web site to sell Girl Scout Cookies.

You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

~~~~~~~~

How to start the day and feel really good:

• Open a new file on your computer.
• Entitle it 'Housework.'
• Place it in the Recycle Bin.
• Empty the Recycle Bin.
• Your computer will ask you, 'Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?'
• Answer 'Yes' and click the left mouse button firmly.
• Now you feel much better.

~~~~~~~~

[Forgivenmom5]

I love the idea about housework.

[DianaB]

Kat, I loved all of them!!! Cute, Cute!!! The one from the Irish Mother was hysterical!!!