The last day and my MIL........

[DianaB]

I had a really good time in Nebraska the first few days. It ended up that we didn't go to Pioneer Village but that was alright. We just wanted to rest and visit. We love to play Spades so we were up late playing cards. Brenda (Glen's sister) and her husband, Rob, have a grown daughter that was there and we really enjoyed being with her too. Glen's Mom is depressed and whiney. All she wants to do is sit in a chair and have everything brought to her but if she does that she'll never get to come home. Actually, she's not going to be able to live alone anyway.

We all got in the car one of the days and went to an antique store. It was so much fun and I got several things while I was there!! Then we all went out to eat and went home and played cards again!!

Brenda's house is so interesting because she has the 4 dogs in the house and 4 Irish Wolfhounds......a pond in the back yard with geese and other birds.....and there's also miniature donkeys!! Oh, and a llama too!!! She also has an African Grey Parrot that says all kinds of things!!!

Now for the last day........first I want to give you some information about my MIL. She has been a hoarder ever since I've known her and I don't mean just a messy house, but piles and piles of stuff. She went to antique auctions and just bought and bought and mostly not junk but really nice things. She lives in a really big house and has absolutely filled it with stuff until she only lives in two rooms of the house.

Every day that I was there she pointed out some thing around Brenda's house that she had given her but the stuff she pointed out I knew had been given recently plus I saw some other things that I knew had been my MIL's. On the last morning we were sitting and visiting before breakfast and she mentioned the quilts that she had worked on years ago (she used to do stamped cross stitch quilts). One of her first quilts was a thistle quilt that when Amy was little she had been running in the house (when it was somewhat clean) and she stopped and told my MIL how pretty it was. My MIL always said that she should give that one to Amy and I've reminded her of that when she's asked what I would like of hers. Well.......she mentioned that the two earliest quilts that she did were finished and that she had given one to each of her daughters. I was so upset that I left the room and went to the bedroom that we were staying in and cried. I called Janet because I knew that she'd have me laughing so I wouldn't have red eyes when I went back out.

My MIL had tried on another day to get me to tell her what I wanted of hers.....and I told her nothing but that there were a few things that my kids wanted. I'm so glad that I didn't tell her because I'm sure that she would have made sure that her daughters would have gotten them or the stuff disappears from view. She's done that to me before too.

It's her goal that my sil and I don't get anything of hers. She thinks that it's fair that the guys got all of my FIL's equipment and that the girls get all of her stuff. She had the nerve to sit there and cry and tell me that she sure hoped that nobody had hard feelings over all of her stuff when she was gone.

I know that it seems trivial but I've put up with this for years. She plays favorites so badly that my kids won't hardly have anything to do with her.

We're also planning on having Jaci's wedding in her yard because she has an old fashioned tellis in the yard. We're going to have to do a LOT of yard work to get it done but it will be so pretty. She tried to back out on me.....then when that didn't work she tried to tell me that she wants the yard landscaped!!!! Little does she know.....I'm doing it my way whether she likes it or not. Before this is all over we may be having a little talk. I've had it!!!! Sorry this is so long but I just had to vent!!!

[Janet]

You know you can vent anytime you'd like dear friend. I can understand your hurt and resentment. When a mother feels her children are not being treated right she becomes that protective unrecognizable bear...lol. Who could blame us?

I'm glad for the most part that you had a good time. It's nicer to have good memories instead of negative ones. Diana...I don't remember exactly why your MIL was in the hospital. There is no way she can live on her own? Will she be staying in Nebraska with Brenda?

I'm glad you're home safe and sound.

[paula1961]

First off I would like to say that I would love to go to Brenda's house just to see the animals! I heard those little donkey's are mean! But they are soooooo cute! Secondly I think your mil giving that quilt to someone other than Amy is just plain wrong! I mean if she doesn't want you to have something of hers, well whatever, but Amy is her grand daughter. What is her problem? I totally understand why you were so upset Diana. And I'm very sorry that she put you through this!

I'm sure Jaci's wedding is going to be beautiful!

You are a very special person Diana!

[Blueyes]

You know Diana, I have heard of a lot of people that think like your mil. The sons get the dad's stuff and the daughters get the mom's stuff. It leaves out the in-laws all the way around! Mike is an only child, so when his parents were gone we didn't have to share with anybody. But in their will they left half to Mike and the other half to be divided between our boys. Now that was fine with me because that's what we would have done anyway. BUT if Mike had died before they did, I would have been completely left out..and they knew this. We got along ok and they depended on ME for EVERYTHING, and I took very, very good care of them both.

I will NEVER treat my son's wives like an "in-law". They are my girls and they always will be.

Did you say anything to her about the quilt? Grrr...

[DianaB]

Janet, my MIL had a heart attack in 1990 and since then has only had about 24% of her heart working. She did absolutely nothing before that happened and does even less than that now. When she's home she has kitchen chairs that are on wheels and literally scoots herself around her two rooms. I've told Glen that I didn't know that a person could live so long doing absolutely NOTHING!!!

She has also developed rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, and congestive heart failure. A few years ago she had surgery on a hernia that was, not joking, the size of a basketball. We weren't sure that she would survive the surgery but she had a good doctor.

She was put in the hospital because she has sleep apnea and refuses to wear the night time mask and her body was suffering from lack of oxygen.

Paula, you would enjoy seeing Brenda's animals. They are all friendly. She has quite a way with animals. If you're ever in Nebraska I know that she'd love to have you stop by. She also has a Christmas Tree farm so she's a very busy woman but never too busy for company!!!!

Betsi, my MIL just wants HER stuff to go to her daughters. I've known this for some time and it's been a sore spot for me. I've dealt with this for years and years. I have just decided that I would rather not have ANYTHING of hers but my kids have a few things they'd like. I don't think that I even want to buy anything if it's sold at an auction. I'm just done with her. I have half a mind to even return the few things that she's given me, but that's being naughty on my part. It's really sad. (Also, anything personal of Frank's, Glen's Dad, went to her daughter's. The rest of us didn't get anything. I'd like to have his billfold or glasses and the case they went in, but I'm afraid to ask for them.......they'll disappear.)

This is how the Lambert family thinks (this is my MIL's maiden name and how her family all thinks).......My son ran into one of her sisters and she made the comment about how watered down the Lambert blood is getting!!!!!......They have never been happy about people marrying into their family!

Janet, I would like to say that I would welcome this woman into my home with open arms but I get so upset over the things that she says and how she treats me. I just couldn't live with her and deal with her every day. Glen asked me what I'd do with my Mom if it were her and I said with no hesitation that she'd come and live with us. My Mom knows how to keep her mouth shut and not cause waves. (she's lived with us before and it was a pleasant experience) plus she would help out and not expect to be waited on.

I just need a chance to cool down. I get all worked up every time I'm around this woman. You can check my other posts on her and see what she does to me. I'm just done.

[judy]

OMG! Mean is mean, Diana, and I don't blame you for wanting to be done with her. How awful for her to use possessions to control people and to hurt people.
I can see why you get hurt. It seems like she wants you to.

It also seems that your children have already figured her out since they don't want much to do with her. If she gives them nothing, they may be prepared for that.

Let her live long and prosper, and may her hoarding get her stuck in a little part of one room!

[gja1000]

I think you are so right to just be "done with her". Some people just aren't worth the time or effort. She's a bitter, sour old woman and nothing will change that now. It is sad for your children, but she is the loser - it sounds like your children are doing just fine as it is. The lesson is to learn from her mistakes and do not make them, as I know you won't.

[Gina]

Diana I agree with Judy and Gayle just be done with her. Don't expect anything and thank God you don't need anything from her. It is sad but what can you do. I never had that problem with my in laws they always treated me like their own daughter I was very blessed. Diana you are blessed in other ways.. Remember that .

[2tiredmom]

Diana,
I am so sorry you had to go though that. I know how you feel. I have a sil
that is nice to my face but once I'm out of the room watch out. I have gone to the bathroom many a time and cried.
I wish I could give you some really good advice, but i haven't any. Just please know that I do care.

[DianaB]

Thanks so much everyone. I know how my MIL is but still I keep letting it bother me. I've put up with all of this for years. I think that this time it was just so much in my face.....and when she mentioned the quilts that she had made....that's when I got so bothered. I've decided that I am done with her. If my husband wants to go and see her he'll have to do it without me. I'm even thinking of returning everything that I have from her (it's not much) because I don't want ANYTHING from her. I'm done.

[Janet]

Diana....if you don't want to keep the few things she's given you...then see if your children want them. If they don't want them, wait until she passes and then give them to her daughters. You are way too good a person to give them back to prove a point, I don't want you to have any regrets after she's gone. That would be letting her get to you after her passing.

Is she staying in Nebraska now with Brenda? I can understand not wanting to take her into your home to live. It would be a lot of work for sure. I wouldn't have wanted to take care of my in-laws either, no one had to but there were 3 daughters in the family. I am willing to take care of my mother if I have to, but feel it will be really hard if that happens. She's always been one that it's either her way or no way. Hopefully it won't have to be decided.

You're always in my thoughts and prayers my friend. I wish I could keep her actions from hurting you.