what in the world????!

Mandy · 11-08-2006, 12:23 AM

Oh girl, what are you doing? RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!! Don't allow ANY man to pull you down like that, you can get and deserve MUCH better!
Obviously he does not appreciate what you do for him, he should shame himself.
Men don't change girl, and we can't change anyone... as someone said above, you will have to change to fit he's needs if you want this to work. And honestly, you don't even want to go there!!

And honestly, i think you know the answer after you read that book

Good luck, we are here for you!

Ponyup · 11-08-2006, 06:22 AM

From the sound of it, he's trying to get you to break up with him. He's obviously not ready to get married. His behavior is not very mature & very poor communication not good traits in a marriage. He either knew you were going to have the talk & thought I'll make her not wanna marry me or he's trying to push you away so you will break up with him (so he's not the bad guy). Either way not good husband or boyfriend material. You are very young you will find someone better that wants to love you, marry you, appreciate the things you do for him, & do things for you. Don't settle for this guy.

Janet · 11-08-2006, 07:12 AM

I just don't know what else to say except I'm so sorry you're going through this.

The good thing is.....YOU DON'T HAVE TO!

All of the advice these wonderful ladies have given you, should be taken to heart. You need to find a better, loving, nurturing relationship. Don't ever settle...there's always more to be found.

11-08-2006, 08:13 AM

holy cow! ok so as i was about to go over to his apartment and break up with phil last night...<--- i was ticked...pissed...very angry lol
he comes bursting into mine and starts crying! this is the man that doesnt even cry when a family member dies. i was scared.. i thought maybe he'd gone nuts.
well he sits down and just pours out his heart and apologizes so much i couldnt even get a word in edgewise.
he tells me that hes been so worried about his office and making money to support us that hes been making himself sick. he said that yday he got so nervous about it that he just started yelling at me for things he wasnt even mad at me for! he then proceeded to say that he appreciates me( blah blah..you know the normal.. i love you..you really are there for me) and that hes going to do things to show me that he does appreciate all the stuff i do everyday and basically he promised that we would start opening up to each other and talking about things b/c he doesnt ever want to get that upset about something again. <---hello?? why are guys so bottled up???

the really nice thing was that he opened up about everything last night.. saying that he didnt want to ask me to marry him b/c hes afraid that the office might not work out. and he wasnt talking to me about his problems b/c he didnt want me to see him in a position to where he needed help. but he did say that he values my advice and we sat down last night and made a list of all the things i think that we need to do to his office! it was great.. ive never seen him this calm and free. it was like he had a million things inside and he just couldnt say them...but finally last night he did.

thank you so much ladies for listening to me yell yday! it was horrible... but at least i was able to tell him that if it ever happens again that im leaving. now he has no excuse to hold his emotions inside

hopefully our relationship will be even stronger now.

Janet · 11-08-2006, 08:25 AM

I am happy that things went well...just a word of caution..

After an abuser beats the crap out of his wife...he tells her he's sorry, loves her, don't know why he acted that way, won't happen again--------------and then it does.

11-08-2006, 08:29 AM

the way phil looked last night when he was talking to me.. i knew that he was sincere. but i most definately let him know that the way he spoke to me was unacceptable. and now he knows that the consequences of another outburst will be losing me. i just hope he can learn to open up and get away from the patterns of his father and childhood.

Ponyup · 11-08-2006, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tumblnstar

the way phil looked last night when he was talking to me.. i knew that he was sincere. but i most definately let him know that the way he spoke to me was unacceptable. and now he knows that the consequences of another outburst will be losing me. i just hope he can learn to open up and get away from the patterns of his father and childhood.

I know what you are saying, I came from a family that bottled everything up all the time. It's taken me a lot of work to get better about talking about things before they become a major issue. I still have melt downs, but I'm better. If he knows he has this problem & is willing to work on overcoming it, you should be fine, but it might take a while until the outbursts are completely gone. therapy would probably help him deal with these deep seeded issues.

Taurus Babe · 11-10-2006, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tumblnstar

the way phil looked last night when he was talking to me.. i knew that he was sincere. but i most definately let him know that the way he spoke to me was unacceptable. and now he knows that the consequences of another outburst will be losing me. i just hope he can learn to open up and get away from the patterns of his father and childhood.

Gosh, just make a promise to yourself. If he EVER acts like that again, pack up and leave. PERIOD! I came from a relationship where I was yelled at, told I was worthless, abused...and then next thing I know, he's sooo sorry and he didn't mean it, and it was all due 'to his bad childhood, his dad beat him and abandoned him, mom wasn't supportive, etc." Those are terrible things, but THATS NO EXCUSE! I had to learn the hard way, and I beat myself up about it all the time for being so stupid and not leaving! It sounds so similar to your situation...I cooked, cleaned,... ...everything.

I'm sorry to be so negative, I just don't want you to get hurt...I want to help people, with the knowledge that I learned from a horrible past.

On a brighter side, I sincerely hope that he's sorry, and he didn't mean it, and that it won't ever happen again. Just be careful please!!!!

Gina · 11-08-2006, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

I am happy that things went well...just a word of caution..

After an abuser beats the crap out of his wife...he tells her he's sorry, loves her, don't know why he acted that way, won't happen again--------------and then it does.

Amen sister!!

Just listen to your gut from now on , it will direct you into making the right decisions.. Good luck..

RLC12345678 · 11-08-2006, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

I am happy that things went well...just a word of caution..

After an abuser beats the crap out of his wife...he tells her he's sorry, loves her, don't know why he acted that way, won't happen again--------------and then it does.

this is so true! Just please be careful and trust your instinct, even if it is telling you to do something that you don't want to do.

Emmsmom · 11-09-2006, 03:02 AM

I am glad things worked out for you. It sure would be nice if men came with a manual! Men are like that. I haven't met one that didn't keep at least a few things bottled up.

Mandy · 11-09-2006, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

I am happy that things went well...just a word of caution..

After an abuser beats the crap out of his wife...he tells her he's sorry, loves her, don't know why he acted that way, won't happen again--------------and then it does.

You got that right!

I just want to ad one more thing, ALWAYS listen to your "gut feeling" ... never ignore it, because that "tiny voice" is always right!!

Best wishes to you, and good luck

blowry · 11-09-2006, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

I am happy that things went well...just a word of caution..

After an abuser beats the crap out of his wife...he tells her he's sorry, loves her, don't know why he acted that way, won't happen again--------------and then it does.

you took the words right out of my mouth! And take it from someone who's been there...verbal and emotional abuse are the worse....sorry can only work so many times then it gets old...Men feel if they say they're sorry it makes it better..well it does if they don't do it again...if you are sorry you DON'T do it again...

Janet · 11-10-2006, 03:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blowry

you took the words right out of my mouth! And take it from someone who's been there...verbal and emotional abuse are the worse....sorry can only work so many times then it gets old...Men feel if they say they're sorry it makes it better..well it does if they don't do it again...if you are sorry you DON'T do it again...

EXACTLY !!!!! Of course, it should never happen in the first place!

11-08-2006, 12:23 AM	#1
Mandy Donating 4WT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Who cares! Posts: 4,587	Oh girl, what are you doing? RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!! Don't allow ANY man to pull you down like that, you can get and deserve MUCH better! Obviously he does not appreciate what you do for him, he should shame himself. Men don't change girl, and we can't change anyone... as someone said above, you will have to change to fit he's needs if you want this to work. And honestly, you don't even want to go there!! And honestly, i think you know the answer after you read that book Good luck, we are here for you! __________________ Many people will walk in and out your life, but only true friends leave footprints!

11-08-2006, 07:12 AM	#3
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,625	I just don't know what else to say except I'm so sorry you're going through this. The good thing is.....YOU DON'T HAVE TO! All of the advice these wonderful ladies have given you, should be taken to heart. You need to find a better, loving, nurturing relationship. Don't ever settle...there's always more to be found. __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

11-08-2006, 08:25 AM	#5
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,625	I am happy that things went well...just a word of caution.. After an abuser beats the crap out of his wife...he tells her he's sorry, loves her, don't know why he acted that way, won't happen again--------------and then it does. __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

11-09-2006, 03:02 AM	#11
Emmsmom Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 612	I am glad things worked out for you. It sure would be nice if men came with a manual! Men are like that. I haven't met one that didn't keep at least a few things bottled up. __________________ MICHELLE

11-08-2006, 06:22 AM	#2
Ponyup Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 659	From the sound of it, he's trying to get you to break up with him. He's obviously not ready to get married. His behavior is not very mature & very poor communication not good traits in a marriage. He either knew you were going to have the talk & thought I'll make her not wanna marry me or he's trying to push you away so you will break up with him (so he's not the bad guy). Either way not good husband or boyfriend material. You are very young you will find someone better that wants to love you, marry you, appreciate the things you do for him, & do things for you. Don't settle for this guy.

11-08-2006, 08:13 AM	#4
tumblnstar Guest Posts: n/a	holy cow! ok so as i was about to go over to his apartment and break up with phil last night...<--- i was ticked...pissed...very angry lol he comes bursting into mine and starts crying! this is the man that doesnt even cry when a family member dies. i was scared.. i thought maybe he'd gone nuts. well he sits down and just pours out his heart and apologizes so much i couldnt even get a word in edgewise. he tells me that hes been so worried about his office and making money to support us that hes been making himself sick. he said that yday he got so nervous about it that he just started yelling at me for things he wasnt even mad at me for! he then proceeded to say that he appreciates me( blah blah..you know the normal.. i love you..you really are there for me) and that hes going to do things to show me that he does appreciate all the stuff i do everyday and basically he promised that we would start opening up to each other and talking about things b/c he doesnt ever want to get that upset about something again. <---hello?? why are guys so bottled up??? the really nice thing was that he opened up about everything last night.. saying that he didnt want to ask me to marry him b/c hes afraid that the office might not work out. and he wasnt talking to me about his problems b/c he didnt want me to see him in a position to where he needed help. but he did say that he values my advice and we sat down last night and made a list of all the things i think that we need to do to his office! it was great.. ive never seen him this calm and free. it was like he had a million things inside and he just couldnt say them...but finally last night he did. thank you so much ladies for listening to me yell yday! it was horrible... but at least i was able to tell him that if it ever happens again that im leaving. now he has no excuse to hold his emotions inside hopefully our relationship will be even stronger now.

11-08-2006, 08:29 AM	#6
tumblnstar Guest Posts: n/a	the way phil looked last night when he was talking to me.. i knew that he was sincere. but i most definately let him know that the way he spoke to me was unacceptable. and now he knows that the consequences of another outburst will be losing me. i just hope he can learn to open up and get away from the patterns of his father and childhood.

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