Good friends are hard to find

[Ponyup]

I befriended a girl that started working at my company back in Jan. Well I guess she's not really a girl. We started talking and became friends. One of my guy friends that also works her decided he liked her & I set them up. They began dating at the end of March. I've kept trying to make plans with her. Like we were going to go get our nails done for easter. We made all these plans & like an hour before we were supposed to meet up she text messages me with this elaborate story about having to suddenly drive to Indy. Later I found out from mutual friends that the boy was over during the time we were supposed to get together. So she ditched me for the boy, not a big deal, but for the love of God just say so, I'm not a moron & don't deserve to be lied to.

Well similar situations keep happening. They got engaged in July & were planning a wedding for Oct. One day in August I asked if the wedding was still on for Oct. & she said yes. Her & him eloped the next day. Not that I care, it's just she could of said something like I'm not sure we're looking at a couple different options.

Since they've been married she lets him totally control her life. It's not his fault, I've known him a long time & he's not abusive or anything, but if you let him walk on you he will. And the thing that's really pissing me off, is she keeps trying to make plans with me, but won't follow through because she's too much of a chicken sh*t to tell him it's something she really wants to do. He makes her request money in writing when ever she wants additional funds. I would almost understand this if he was the primary bread winner, but they both work. I'm pretty sure if she would say I ain't doing this, he'd let it go, but she's so afraid of him not liking her.

The thing that really gets to me is I'm not used to dealing with people with this low of self-esteem. She says and does whatever she thinks people wanna hear. I personally thought that when you aged you grew out of this, but obviously not. She has been in abusive relationship before & is in therapy. I can tell she's not happy or well, she's losing a lot of weight & flying off the handle, but she won't talk to me about this stuff. And after what happened sat. (she said she was coming over for a party on sat. on friday & texted me after it had started that she wasn't coming) my hubby wants me to write her off. But I feel bad for her, but I don't know how to fix someone that cares so much about others opinions. Just frustrated. Thanks for listening.

[Ponyup]

So is this just normal girl behavior or should I write her off?
I've never had many girl friends, mostly guys, so i'm not sure what's normal & what's not.

[Mandy]

She sounds like an insecure person, and hopefully for her, she will change and come to realise that it in reality it works differently. I'm sure her therapist has picked this up, and will work her through this.

Don't give up on her, there is going to come a time that she is going to need you, and she will open up. Give her time.
Distance yourself a little if that's what you want, but let her know that you are there for her.

Good luck.

[Kimberley]

He may not be physically abusive but it's abuse in a different form. He sounds like a control freak. Poor girl, doesn't have much of a self esteem. Just be there for her when she needs you...that's about all I feel you CAN do.

[Tink]

It's good of you not to have just given up on her already. It's hard to be in any relationship where the other person isn't reliable in your plans. I think you're doing well to be this patient with her. I won't be able to give advice because I'm just not the type to be able to keep going back for more when someone isn't pulling their load in a relationship.