Mother-Daughter relationships

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Janet

I envy those that have great relationships with their mothers. I never did and probably won't.

I've written before that I do love my mom and sometimes we get a long good and she can be so funny....but that is if things are going her way.

One of the main reasons I never enjoyed Christmas was because she was so mean at that time. My younger brother and I would want to help decorate the Christmas tree and she would let us hang a few ornaments on and then start yelling at us that we put it in the wrong place. She wanted every ornament in the exact same place every year. It was horrible. Plus she has always lived in the same house I grew up in (lives there still) and it's very small. Not enough room for everyone, but she will not have it anywhere else. She did let me have Thanksgiving one year, but she didn't like it...everyone else did.

She is very selfish, self centered and wants people to go out of their way for her, but will never go out of her way for any one else. I have been married 32 years and other than Thanksgiving or Christmas, she has never invited us in for a meal, but is always eager to eat out our house or my brothers.

A good friend of hers passed and we went to the funeral home. One lady told her that she (my mother) had a good daughter and my mom said "she could if she tried a little harder." It really hurt my feelings, but that's my mom.

I could go on and on and on, but this little bit gives you an idea of what I deal with. I only call her now about once a week if that, for her health reasons. She is just so toxic for me to be around I just have to limit it.

Aww Janet, this is so sad to hear... She has and is missing out on a great relationship with you her daughter... If she is a self centered person, no matter what you do, will never be good enough. At this stage of the game you have two choices, I would just tell her point blank on how you feel. Lay all the cards on the table and tell her that you have felt hurt, maybe she never realized that she is acting this way. Was your grandmother the same way? Or just ignore it and you do realize that she is not going to change at this point and accept the relationship for what it is....

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Gina

Aww Janet, this is so sad to hear... She has and is missing out on a great relationship with you her daughter... If she is a self centered person, no matter what you do, will never be good enough. At this stage of the game you have two choices, I would just tell her point blank on how you feel. Lay all the cards on the table and tell her that you have felt hurt, maybe she never realized that she is acting this way. Was your grandmother the same way? Or just ignore it and you do realize that she is not going to change at this point and accept the relationship for what it is....

If I was to tell her how I feel, she would just cry. And well, the past is the past. She's 83 and isn't about to change at this age. It's just something I'll have to live with and pray it can get better.

[Emmsmom]

I was NEVER close to my mother. I have no idea where to begin to explain. She was very mentally abusive and towards the end she began to get physically abusive. She has always tried to cause me problems. She has spread so many lies about many it isn't even funny. She doesn't like my husband for anything. So needless to say family get togethers DO NOT happen. On top of it all she has never ever seen my daughter in person. (my choice) I think she may have seen pictures but that is all. I have also not spoken to her in at least 10 years. I don't trust her and to be hoenst I don't even like her. Sad huh! I miss not having a mother. Hell I miss not having a father too. My bio father gave up rights and my so called step father died a long time ago. So.....needless to say I ahve no relationship with my mother.

I had a great relationship with my Mom and it only got better through the years ... We always did things together and she was always proud of my achievements. On her death bed she told me that I always made her proud.

Now I have a daughter and I love her dearly. I never let her leave the house without a hug and kiss. I alwayz tell her she looks pretty (well, she does) ... she alwayz asks me to help her pick out her clothes for a date! (I call it "dressing my Barbie doll").

Last night we were talking and she told me of something I did that she will never forget (I had forgotten) ... seems when she was in high school she cut a class. At the end of the day the teacher saw her and asked her why she wasn't in class. She came up with some excuse about feeling ill, going home, and then realizing she left her jacket so she came back for it.

She told me last night that she stayed on the phone that whole night so that the teacher could not get through.

AHA! The next morning the phone rang at 7:30AM.. It was her teacher ... the teacher told me about the incident to which I responded, "Whatever my daughter told you is the truth."

Then I went in to her room and asked, "What did you do?" she said she learned that families stick together and then discuss things privately.

BTW, I am a schoolteacher myself. She is my pride and joy.
Her dad passed away on her 8th birthday!

[Janet]

I would love to have a relationship like that with my mother. It's just not going to happen. I do love her, but it's just too hard. You can only be criticized and told you're wrong so many times before you start backing away. That's what I've done.

[DianaB]

I wish that my relationship with my mother was better. I know that she loves me and is proud of me, but doing Mother/Daughter things together has never happened.

I see my Mom at church every Sunday and usually have a few words with her or we might go out to eat a couple of times a year or so. We almost always see her on holidays (She is remarried and has holidays with her step-children too)

My Mom has 5 sisters and they all get together for different things and my Mom goes shopping and does girl things with them, but she never feels the need to do them with me. They even have a week long vacation every year together.

I sound like such a whiner but I've really learned that this is how my Mom is and I've learned to accept it. I feel that she is the one that misses out on having a relationship with me. I try to have a better relationship with my daughters than my Mom has with me. It does help that I have wonderful relationships with some of my aunts.

My Mom has always worked and we always had a nice and clean home. I mean a home that was much nicer than my friends had. A while back I went to a distant relatives house after a funeral and it made me realize how much my Mom had done for me growing up. I always had nice clothes and for Christmas I almost always got what I wanted (except for the Chatty Cathy doll, remember?). The next time I saw my Mom I hugged her and let her know how much I appreciated all of her hard work for us. She is a good Mom she just shows it in a different way.

[Tink]

My Mom and oldest daughter came today and took me out to lunch for my birthday. After, Mom and I went Christmas shopping together. She had been all depressed thinking she wasn't going to be able to buy gifts for anyone this year, so I handed her some cash and said "lets go!" We both had a nice time, and she was delighted to be able to get a good start on her gift shopping. She's a very giving person, so being able to do this means a lot to her. When she tries to object about taking money from me, I simply tell her it's payback for all the help and babysitting she's done for my kids over the years, etc. She accepts that and says the help means more than she can express.

I enjoy being able to help her out now, and was glad to spend time with her today. Because I have a friend who manages a Dollar General store, I keep updated on when there are the best buys and was able to help her get some real steals today. This kind of day makes her and I both feel good.

[Marilyn]

Isn't motherhood tough. It's hard to know when you're doing too little or too much. Sometimes I try so hard to do something nice for my daughters, then I see a blog I'm not supposed to be able to see or hear one of them say something that they did not intend for me to hear, and I realize that what I did was not received in the spirit that I meant it. They think I'm overreacting sometimes with I'm showing sincere concern. If I did not react as I did, they would probably think that I didn't care. It's just very hard. I know they appreciate me and know they are loved. They each like to hang out with me at times, so hopefully I'm doing a good enough job that they won't be on here in a few years complaining about what a mess I was. They tell me I'm a great mom, but then would they tell me to my face if they didn't think so? I just hope I'm doing better than my mother did. I think I'm doing way better, but only time will tell. (Sorry my posts are so long. It just takes a lot of words sometime, and I'm a very fast typer.)

[Miss_Sara]

I don't think people should be actual friends with their parents until they are moved out and living an entirely different life
before that, they should be taking care of you!

I have a horrible relationship with my mother
I honestly can say that she will not have a lot ot do in my life
she is selfish, and never cared about being a mother
it's as if she got pregnant at 16, even though she was 26
men are always #1 and she would have men "spend the night" constantly.

It just angers me to even think about it
I hope I can be an amazing mother despite this, when the time comes.

She never disciplined me, at 12 years old I was already partying into the wee hours of the morning, without a word from her.

I really urge parents to be strict witht heir children, in the long term they WILLL DEFINITLY REALIZE that you were being a good parent, even if it's a fight at the time... but if you just give in and let them do whatever they want, they might end up resenting the fact that you were never the adult....


I'm sorry so many have been through bad experiences
hopefully we're all able to learn from this, and become stronger people, and better moms ourselves!

[khardy57]

Originally Posted by Janet

I would love to have a relationship like that with my mother. It's just not going to happen. I do love her, but it's just too hard. You can only be criticized and told you're wrong so many times before you start backing away. That's what I've done.

I hate that for you Janet. As a teenager, I had my trials and tribulations with my mother, but I've always known that when I had nobody else, I had my Mama and Daddy. They've always been there for me and I don't know what I'd do without them.