Aw oh!

[Janet]

I think my husband may have opened his big mouth at the wrong time.

No one had called or been out to see Mom since June 1. Well the day before yesterday (June 6) my younger brother Brad and his daughter came to visit Mom. Brad had talked about that he didn't really do anything over the weekend and that the next Saturday he was going somewhere. I made the comment that I wish I could have a weekend or just a whole weekend day off.....hadn't had one since December and he didn't say a word. Just changed the subject.

Well last night, my older brother and his wife came to visit Mom. I stayed in the living room for a few minutes and then excused myself by saying "I'll let you guys have a nice visit and I'll just go take my shower", so off I went. I stayed back in my room doing a few odds and ends and then took my shower while they ended up in the kitchen playing a game called Skippo.

At 8 when they got ready to leave it was time to hook Mom up to dialysis. Jerry went on outside to his car so he could smoke and Betty came back to the bedroom to help. Mom had messed herself again so I appreciated the help. Well....my brother must have gotten tired of waiting for Betty and started honking the horn. We were in the back bedroom and didn't hear him. Rick was outside and asked what was going on. Jerry just said he was trying to hurry up the "old lady". Rick then asked him when he was going to give me a weekend off and Jerry smarted off that he would just put both of us in a nursing home at opposite ends. It pissed Rick off so instead of saying anything (thank goodness)....he just turned his back on my brother and walked away.

Not sure what's gonna happen because of it, but so far so good. I don't need any confrontation so I did tell Rick that in the future I should be the one to say something not him, he understood, but just needed to say something because he's tired of it all too and was wanting me to have some time off, which was nice. I think he's tired of me being a beeeotch....

So....hopefully all will be okay and he didn't make Jerry angry.

[Gina]

Janet who cares if you husband pissed your brother off. Your husband was defending you and rightfully so, even though it would have sounded better coming from you. Sometimes its best letting the person handle his or her own side of the family so they don't get mad and hold a grudge with the in law.

Anyway Rick meant well so why dont you follow up and give your brother a call and tell him you really need a day or weekend off, if they can come and stay with Mom or if she can go there for the day. Janet I have not been here that much is your mom able to go to the bathroom alone ? If not that is hard for a son to do, unless his wife will take that part over.. Men are usually not good and embarrassed in doing that. I have been in your shoes and its hard to get the brothers to help, they won't do it on their own. You have to ask. I never opened my mouth so they thought all was well.

[gja1000]

I'm glad your husband stood up for you - but you are right, he probably shouldn't have said anything. You need to though, and I know you know that and you will, when the time is right.

[judy]

Sounds like your brother was being defensive when Rick spoke up for you. Personally, I think your brother needed to be told that you need a weekend off.

The tension there sounds like it is getting to be too much. Maybe it is time for a lunch alone with your brother, and a good serious talk. He and his wife do help some. Maybe they don't want to hear how much of a toll it is taking on you. People become reliant on anyone they can when they are faced with an unpleasant job.

Your younger brother sounds like he's not going to be helpful no matter what.

[JJJ]

He meant well and I'm sure he was very frustrated by then. With your bro honking the horn and all.

[DianaB]

I"m so proud of Rick for standing up for you!!!! I'm also glad that he walked away and didn't start a big fight over it.

I think that you should schedule each family for a weekend or maybe a whole Saturday to stay with your Mom. Then it's up to all of you to either sit with your Mom or make sure a family member is with her.....which could include your neices and nephews. It should be a family project to take care of your Mom. You should have some time to yourself.....to go to town or visit others. You're going to have to let them know that you need a break.....not just physically but mentally as well!!!!!

[gja1000]

Diana! That is an excellent idea!! Have everyone schedule "their" weekend day. Here is the calendar, here are the weekend days, now choose your days? Let them decide and you won't be whining or asking for help.

Make it clear that like Diana said, they don't have to be there, it could be another family member, or it could be a paid sitter - BUT - that person is responsible for being sure someone is with mom for that day.

This way, you don't have to ask for respite (that's what it is called by the way, caregiving respite, and caregivers don't get nearly enough of it).

Diana! You are soooo smart!!!

[DianaB]

Thank you, Gayle!! However, I think that you helped to make it even better!!!

Janet, I do think that this would be a good idea. I never thought about them HIRING someone to come and help but this could really be a family responsibility!!! I hope it works out for you!!!

[Janet]

Part of the problem is solved....I'll start another thread.

[gja1000]

Yes Janet, I'm dying to know what happened!!!!!

[Janet]

Update to let you know that my older brother Jerry did not hold a grudge against my husband. Everything is normal and that makes me happy.

[Blueyes]

That's good Janet. Just one less thing to worry about!

[judy]

:d:d:d