would you object?

Tink · 11-21-2006, 11:09 PM

Gina, both Katie and Robert have said if there wasn't such a huge age difference, things might be different between them, but they agree it's not appropriate considering he could easily be her father agewise.
He does have daughters aged 3 and 7 who Katie really enjoys, so she spends time with them and him. He moved here to be near his kids when his ex moved here. He's from Tennesee and was living in California during his marriage and is fighting for full custody of the kids. He knew no one here except his ex and kids, so it was a move for the kids for sure. He says his ex used to be a very nice woman, but she got involved in drugs and changed dramatically. She refused to give up the drugs, so they divorced. I've seen the kids just sob when he has to take them back to her. They definitely prefer to stay with their daddy. ;( It is heartbreaking to watch. You can just see the pain on his face.

My husband is a semi driver, so won't be home ahead of time to talk with his brother. Honestly, they barely talk anyway. We live less than 10 miles apart and they see each other once a year at this gathering. Even then they rarely talk to each other. They are 15 years apart in age and are totally different people. Hubby is not close at all with his family, and quite seriously only really enjoys visiting with his oldest sister. She is more down to earth than the rest, like he is.

I'm sure once his Mother dies he won't bother to even do this once a year visit. He goes now simply because he feels obligated and gets to see his one sister. It's a complicated sad bunch. If he can be convinced to call anyone, it might be his sister or Mother... but I have my doubts about even that.

Janet · 11-22-2006, 04:12 AM

I think it's great you invited him along...but since it's not at your house, your BIL and his wife should be asked since it is at theirs. I'm having Thanksgiving Dinner at my house and even though the girl is of our race, my niece did ask if it was okay. Of course it's okay and would be okay if she was of another race, but I wouldn't want the shock of someone I didn't know coming without my knowing.

I hope your BIL will be tolerant and courteous.

Gina · 11-22-2006, 07:09 AM

If it weren't for your MIL and SIL I say don't go, but you explained the situation, Like I mentioned before and Janet did to, you have to tell them that you are bringing a guest, don't just show up. It is right to let them know. Can you talk to your SIL? the one who is hosting the dinner, it is her house? If not just have your MIL or your other SIL call and tell them. I just got a thought have Katie call her aunt or uncle...I hope it works out well.... Good luck!

DianaB · 11-22-2006, 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

I think it's great you invited him along...but since it's not at your house, your BIL and his wife should be asked since it is at theirs. I'm having Thanksgiving Dinner at my house and even though the girl is of our race, my niece did ask if it was okay. Of course it's okay and would be okay if she was of another race, but I wouldn't want the shock of someone I didn't know coming without my knowing.

I hope your BIL will be tolerant and courteous.

I agree with Janet. I think that you should call and talk to your sister-in-law. Let them know that your daughter's bringing a friend and casually mention that he's African-American. That way they know that he's coming and what to expect.

Lissa · 11-22-2006, 07:44 AM

Personally I'd tell them I'm bringing a guest and say nothing about his race. To be perfectly honest, judging from my roommate and her family, if the roles were reversed and she were visiting his family one of the first things they would know is that she's not Black.

Tink · 11-22-2006, 03:23 PM

Thanks ladies!
We asked a couple weeks ago when we RSVP'ed if the kids could bring guests and were told that would be fine. So there will be no surprise there except that our son has since broke up with his girlfriend, so she won't be coming along.

I know if brother in law gets nasty about it, this will be the last time we go.

Tink · 11-23-2006, 03:59 PM

Thank God we got through our Thanksgiving Day party without incident. Robert came with and was well accepted. He said he enjoyed himself and did look to like he was. Hubbies Mom even gave him a hug when we left. LOL

Whew!

Janet · 11-23-2006, 07:16 PM

That is wonderful Tink!! I'm glad you all had a great time.

11-21-2006, 11:09 PM	#1
Tink Donating 4WT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Rural Wisconsin Posts: 3,707	Gina, both Katie and Robert have said if there wasn't such a huge age difference, things might be different between them, but they agree it's not appropriate considering he could easily be her father agewise. He does have daughters aged 3 and 7 who Katie really enjoys, so she spends time with them and him. He moved here to be near his kids when his ex moved here. He's from Tennesee and was living in California during his marriage and is fighting for full custody of the kids. He knew no one here except his ex and kids, so it was a move for the kids for sure. He says his ex used to be a very nice woman, but she got involved in drugs and changed dramatically. She refused to give up the drugs, so they divorced. I've seen the kids just sob when he has to take them back to her. They definitely prefer to stay with their daddy. ;( It is heartbreaking to watch. You can just see the pain on his face. My husband is a semi driver, so won't be home ahead of time to talk with his brother. Honestly, they barely talk anyway. We live less than 10 miles apart and they see each other once a year at this gathering. Even then they rarely talk to each other. They are 15 years apart in age and are totally different people. Hubby is not close at all with his family, and quite seriously only really enjoys visiting with his oldest sister. She is more down to earth than the rest, like he is. I'm sure once his Mother dies he won't bother to even do this once a year visit. He goes now simply because he feels obligated and gets to see his one sister. It's a complicated sad bunch. If he can be convinced to call anyone, it might be his sister or Mother... but I have my doubts about even that. __________________ 'A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in.. And how many want out.' England 's Prime Minister Tony Blair'

11-22-2006, 04:12 AM	#2
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,625	I think it's great you invited him along...but since it's not at your house, your BIL and his wife should be asked since it is at theirs. I'm having Thanksgiving Dinner at my house and even though the girl is of our race, my niece did ask if it was okay. Of course it's okay and would be okay if she was of another race, but I wouldn't want the shock of someone I didn't know coming without my knowing. I hope your BIL will be tolerant and courteous. __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

11-22-2006, 07:44 AM	#5
Lissa Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: South and Central Texas Posts: 337	Personally I'd tell them I'm bringing a guest and say nothing about his race. To be perfectly honest, judging from my roommate and her family, if the roles were reversed and she were visiting his family one of the first things they would know is that she's not Black. __________________ Marilyn's Disappearing Daughter!! Cake or Death, Melissa "Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised." Heb 10:35-36 Last edited by Lissa; 11-22-2006 at 07:47 AM.

11-22-2006, 03:23 PM	#6
Tink Donating 4WT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Rural Wisconsin Posts: 3,707	Thanks ladies! We asked a couple weeks ago when we RSVP'ed if the kids could bring guests and were told that would be fine. So there will be no surprise there except that our son has since broke up with his girlfriend, so she won't be coming along. I know if brother in law gets nasty about it, this will be the last time we go. __________________ 'A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in.. And how many want out.' England 's Prime Minister Tony Blair'

11-23-2006, 03:59 PM	#7
Tink Donating 4WT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Rural Wisconsin Posts: 3,707	Thank God we got through our Thanksgiving Day party without incident. Robert came with and was well accepted. He said he enjoyed himself and did look to like he was. Hubbies Mom even gave him a hug when we left. LOL Whew! __________________ 'A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in.. And how many want out.' England 's Prime Minister Tony Blair'

11-22-2006, 07:09 AM	#3
Gina Donating 4WT 500 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 6,025	If it weren't for your MIL and SIL I say don't go, but you explained the situation, Like I mentioned before and Janet did to, you have to tell them that you are bringing a guest, don't just show up. It is right to let them know. Can you talk to your SIL? the one who is hosting the dinner, it is her house? If not just have your MIL or your other SIL call and tell them. I just got a thought have Katie call her aunt or uncle...I hope it works out well.... Good luck!

11-23-2006, 07:16 PM	#8
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,625	That is wonderful Tink!! I'm glad you all had a great time. __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

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