Serious Question About Nursing Homes

[DianaB]

We all realize that Gary's health is fragile and that you do a wonderful job of making sure he's in the best health that he can be in. I know that I couldn't do as good of a job as you do because I don't understand the medical field. It shows how much you love Gary. Should anything happen to Gary you can rest assured that you have definitely given him the best quality of life that is within your reach. You are a good wife!!

[Blueyes]

We are in the same boat Gayle. Our plans have to be made a little differently than most people. There is a rule her about Spousal Impoverishment. When my mom had a stroke and had to go to a nursing home, my dad got to keep their house and his retirement. Her SS went to the nursing home. They only had one car, but he did have to make me beneficiary of his life insurance.

[judy]

My Dad was in the same boat as you both, Gayle and Betsi. He did everything possible for her, and gave her everything. When she died, he told me he felt guilty because she always wanted a terrace, and he never gave her that. I guess that's how it is....always something to feel guilty about, but I don't think that lasted long.

I spoke to my financial planner yesterday. I would have to sign my house and my annuity (IRA?) over to Jessie 5 years before I end up in a nursing home. He asked if I have any health issues. I gratefully (Thank you God) told him that I don't; just preparing things. He said they do not think it is a good idea. I lose all power over my house, and that's just not good. My annuity would have to be sold, taxes paid, and then signed over to Jessie. I don't have enough in there to bother. He ssaid that if I were wealthy, he would recommend long term care insurance, but the premiums are quite high. His suggestion....forget about it and enjoy my life.

I guess I will revisit this once a year, and make a decision based on circumstances. I do want to leave something for Jessie. I can figure it out somehow.

I hope I don't end up in a nursing home anyway. I'd rather die in my sleep, or very quickly at least.

[DianaB]

That's interesting to find out, judy.

The price of nursing home care is quite a worry for all of us. I agree with dying quickly so there's not a lot of expenses at the end of life. I would hate for Glen to lose the farm and our home.

[Blueyes]

That's what I have been looking in to...long term insurance. It's cheaper the younger you are when you get it..of course you pay for it longer, in theory.

[gja1000]

Re: long term care insurance - if you are younger (and I don't know at what age) it is better to start some sort of savings account for long term care, rather than paying the long term care premiums because you have long enough to save the amount you would need for long term care, and if you DON'T need long term care when you get older, then your family can get that money when you die. But if you are older and can afford the premiums which are pretty pricey when you are older, then it is OK because you probably won't pay in as much as you would use if you needed long term care.

Does that make sense?

[lynne b]

Most of you know that my mom has been in a nursing home for almost 4 yrs now , started out in the health section where she was completely dependent on the staff for everything, after much improvement she moved to assisted living for almost 2 yrs and has recently moved back to the health side, she is having trouble with everyday needs and caring for herself.

Going back a few years….my brother bought the home that we were raised in, yes it had to be within 5yrs of mom going into the NH, and also at a price that was fair market value of what the house was worth. Thank goodness he still owns the house even though he lives in California, the house is mainly being used for storage right now, but it is nice to be able to go there when things start piling up on me.

Back to mom and the NH…..the house was paid for, so the price my brother paid for the house was essentially cash in the bank for mom, she also has my dads retirement from Delco/Delphi where he retired after 30+ yrs so it was a fair amount ( my dad passed in 2004) all was left to my mom. Mom should have been able to live a fairly comfortable life for several years, except after taking care of my dad till he passed, her health went down very quickly.

To answer some of the questions on the cost of living in a NH, it is so expensive, when mom first went in the NH it was nothing for me to write a check for close to 10K a month (I am my moms POA) depending on her health and what meds she needed that month, insurance covered some of her meds but not all and the rest and cost of NH was paid out of pocket and still is for now. When mom moved to AL the cost went down to around 4-6 thousand a month, again this is all out of pocket, by now the money from the house is gone, we are now spending dads retirement. Mom has recently moved back to the health side and the price has jumped back up to almost 7K a month, at this price it won’t be long and my mom will be penny less and will have to move again to the Medicare side which will break my heart to think that everything that my mom and dad worked all their lives for is gone to a NH. The health system sucks, my mom tried very hard to make sure us kids were not burdened with having to care for her needs when her time came, she paid for her funeral and hoped she would be able to leave us with a small inheritance.
Now by no means does mom live in the most expensive NH around here.

I hate that mom lives in a NH but I know she is getting the care that she needs, more than I could have given her. I miss my mom so much, even though I am still able to talk to her, touch her and see her I still miss her so much and I love her no matter what.

Also for long term insurance, I have this through where I work, have paid into it for many years now, it is my understanding that after I reach a certain age I will no longer be eligible for it and everything I have paid into it will just be gone. I guess I really need to look into it more. As you say Gayle, it probably is better to just put that money in a shoe box and save it for my kids. Thought i was doing the right thing by having it. I also have Aflac which i rarely use it either, but sure as heck if i didn't have either i would need it. Would love to have all the money that i have paid into ins premiums and have hardly used it.

Again the health care system sucks, and I agree that I would rather go quickly.