Feeling down

[Gina]

Brenda ,
Janet and Tink gave you wonderful advice. I cannot add to much on bi polar for I never encounter anyone in my family with this problem. I do know one thing, I had problems with my husband awhile ago, he came from an emotional abusive family, and he was doing this to me over the years, I will be married 25 yrs in the Spring. I stepped up to the plate , not realizing I allowed him to treat me this way, and sought therapy. The best thing I ever did. We are still together, he is a good man basically but a cold person. I have learned to accept him and I don't let him get away with much these days. Brenda go for therapy you will find your answers. God Bless..

[DianaB]

Brenda.....My parents were divorced and my father was paranoid schizophrenic and I know that mental illness is very hard to live with. We (my husband and I)went through the "I'm doing alright and I don't need my medicine" phase with my Dad too. We were at the point of telling my Dad that if he didn't get help that we never wanted anything more to do with him when he finally listened to us and got help. I can't image living WITH your situation. It was hard enough just dealing with my Dad occassionally.

You have to take care of yourself and find joy around you or his illness will pull you down too. Find little things to be happy about. Draw happiness and joy from your family. If you're planning on staying in this marriage you have to draw your strength from friends and family. You have to be the strong one. Don't let his ups and downs control your life.

I'm praying that the Lord will give you strength and wisdom on how to deal with this, also that you'll have joy and laughter in your life, and good friends to help you. I also pray that you'll have God's presence near you to help you with what ever you may face. Just know that you're not facing this alone, God is with you and we are here for you as well. Keep us posted how things are going. Love and prayers--Diana

[Janet]

I do want to let everyone know that seeking professional help is one thing you can do that is well worth every penny! I went to a therapist quite a while ago and told her that I didn't want my husband to know. That some friends of ours were seeking help and that my husband said "man, everyone is going nuts." She told me "never be afraid to seek help......it's the crazy ones who don't come."

That one comment made me feel so much better....it meant (to me) that I wasn't too far gone yet. Seeing the therapist was the best thing I ever did. I recommend everyone should go, whether they think they need to or not.

[Tink]

Janet, I'm glad you found someone who was able to help. If I thought I could find a therapist I could really talk to, I might consider it. When my oldest was battling bi-polar, we had one heck of a time finding someone who seemed to make any sense at all.

[red98vett]

oh Brenda...Your post made me feel so bad. I don't know what to say to help but I'll say this (Because I'm guilty of it too) The grass is ALWAYS GREENER ....

your husband sounds like he has it way better than he wants to admit & by tearing YOU down - it makes him feel better.

one thing I noticed about people who are depressed/and self centered - nothing you do is good enough. NEVER.

The smartest thing I can think of saying is remember hurtful words are just that ....words. Watch his actions....some people just can't ever be a postitive part of a relationship...they let others do the actual work the whole time in their minds .....they're actually critizing us....it's because they KNOW they have lots of room for improvement.

I wonder if you suggest you BOTH go on medication things would turn around ?? He goes back on his Bipolar meds and you get on something for depression ???

I really have NO Business offering advise here cause I think I'm in the same situation to a degree ....I normally wouldn't say this on a public forum - but you are NOT Alone sweetie. Nothing I do lately is good enough either & my husband is down all the time now - but unlike you - I'm at the point where things that used to mean alot to me no longer do.....I really miss my old life & this sounds cold but I DO think about leaving....I never would... but man - everything seems upside down you know ??? .... I guess I'm having depression issues for the 1st time in my life but the pills really didn't help me - that doesn't mean it isn't worth a try for you though right ???

and I thank God for the girls everyday - they're my reason to smile these days just like you.....

I'm really sorry and hope things work out for you both. If you ever need to talk you know how to find me - I'm a good listener.

[Janet]

I just received Robin McGraw's book. It is really good. In it, she says we need to chose how we react to words, actions...everything. It takes time and practice, but we can choose to be happy, choose to be sad...etc. I wish I could really explain it better, but she makes so much sense to me. I'm really going to try to start thinking before I react...and that's not going to be easy for me!

She was also saying in the book that her father was an alcoholic. But instead of choosing to hate her father for his "illness", she chose to love the good things about him. Maybe in someway...if you're really not wanting to leave...you could try looking at the good. I know that can be hard when we're hurting, but since I know I'm not explaining it all good enough, the book is wonderful and has given me some new insight. I just opened the book last night and only have a chapter or two left.

I wish you the best......

[red98vett]

Brenda...just want you to know I was thinking of you during the holidays and hope you're feeling better - you too Janet.