Afraid ???

[Ponyup]

I don't know how your sons & husbands relationship is, but maybe your son should talk to him. You can coach your son on what to say, & it might mean more coming from him. My father & I never had a good relationship (he was gone a lot), but now I wish I would of tried harder to talk to him. Now I'm just terrified & very uncomfortable talking to him, it might help your son & husbands relationship is he tried to work this out with him alone.

If I were you though I would have a talk with your husband over hiding the game. That just seems really odd.

[Janet]

Thanks, the "boys" have a great relationship. I just didn't know if a 16 year old needed to talk with his father about his bad habits. I don't think hubby would listen to him any more than he would me when it comes to this subject. I know I'm going to go ahead and speak with him and then if our son wants to talk with him he can.

[RLC12345678]

I agree that your son should talk to him. I had a similar situation going on with my dad. My dad had a massive heart attack in 2004 and almost didn't make it. The doctors told him he needed to start eating right and exercising. Well, he didn't obey the doctor's orders. My sisters and I would always tell my mom how concerned we were about it. Well, one day we convinced my mom to say something to him about it and my dad got REALLY REALLY mad at my mom. He said that he was a grown man and could do what he wanted and my mom didn't need to be telling him what to do, ect. and he didn't talk to her for like 3 days. Well, after some time passed, my sisters and I were still concerned but my mom siad she would never again say anything to him about it bc he just gets pissed and defensive. So, my sisters and I decided to say something to him. Well, my dad listened to us. I mean, how can he get pissed at his daughters for being concerned? He can't! And you know what, he has started eating right and exercising. We told him that we wanted him to be around to play with his grandchildren, and he listened. He would not listen to my mom, but he listened to us.

If your hubby is already hiding things from you (i.e. the game), then if you talk to him he may think you are just trying to "control" him or boss him around or whatnot, like he feels you might be doing now since he is hiding things from you. But I honestly think if your son approached him, he would listen to him and really take what he was saying to heart, just like my dad did.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by RLC12345678

I agree that your son should talk to him. I had a similar situation going on with my dad. My dad had a massive heart attack in 2004 and almost didn't make it. The doctors told him he needed to start eating right and exercising. Well, he didn't obey the doctor's orders. My sisters and I would always tell my mom how concerned we were about it. Well, one day we convinced my mom to say something to him about it and my dad got REALLY REALLY mad at my mom. He said that he was a grown man and could do what he wanted and my mom didn't need to be telling him what to do, ect. and he didn't talk to her for like 3 days. Well, after some time passed, my sisters and I were still concerned but my mom siad she would never again say anything to him about it bc he just gets pissed and defensive. So, my sisters and I decided to say something to him. Well, my dad listened to us. I mean, how can he get pissed at his daughters for being concerned? He can't! And you know what, he has started eating right and exercising. We told him that we wanted him to be around to play with his grandchildren, and he listened. He would not listen to my mom, but he listened to us.

If your hubby is already hiding things from you (i.e. the game), then if you talk to him he may think you are just trying to "control" him or boss him around or whatnot, like he feels you might be doing now since he is hiding things from you. But I honestly think if your son approached him, he would listen to him and really take what he was saying to heart, just like my dad did.

You don't think he's too young at 16 to have this talk with his dad? I have always practiced not involving him in adult situations, but I guess he is getting to be more of an adult. I'll see if he would be comfortable doing so and go from there.

[RLC12345678]

Originally Posted by Janet

You don't think he's too young at 16 to have this talk with his dad? I have always practiced not involving him in adult situations, but I guess he is getting to be more of an adult. I'll see if he would be comfortable doing so and go from there.

Maybe he shouldn't approach it in such a serious manner. Maybe when Ricky sees his dad drinking or smoking again, he should smile and day something like, "Dad! You shouldn't drink so much!" Or something like that. I don't think he should sit down and have a serious conversation with him, but maybe just say a little something in a half-way joking manner just so his dad knows how he feels.

[2tiredmom]

Janet,

Are you kidding. I hate to tell you this but your little boy is not so little anymore.
He has a driver's license now. That is a very big grown up responsiblity. You both have raised him well. I think it would be ok for Ricky to talk to Rick.
Maybe when they go camping or are just hanging out together. That will make
Rick sit back and look at what his son is seeing. An I know how he loves that boy.
Hope it all goes well.

[Janet]

I was talking to my sister-in-law and she said she had noticed his drinking picked up right after his dad passed away. She said when he would stop out at the flower shop he always had a 6 pack with him. I HAD NO IDEA!! I asked her why she didn't tell me and she thought I knew. He's obviously been hiding the drinking really well. He is never drunk, now thinking back, when we would be in conversation, he acted like he didn't understand. I thought it was his hearing (it's not real good), it could have been, but I think he was just intoxicated.

I just don't see how I was so blind!!! My husband is 54 years old. He has rhuematioid arthritis, but is taking medicine and seeing a specialist. It is supposedly in remission. He also has a problem with a disk in his back, that causes one of his knees to give out if he is not careful. He has had a hearing problem since he was little. He's not deaf, but doesn't always hear things. He is skinnier than a stick.

With all his heavy smoking....and now the drinking....I need to get this nipped real quick. I may have Ricky talk with him, but I think I need to also. He needs to know that my son is not going to witness his father slowly kill himself.

I'd like to speak with him tonight, but they have a Scout meeting and I would rather Ricky not listen to us. I don't think this is something that I should wait too long on.

[RLC12345678]

Now that I go back and read this again, I think you SHOULD talk to him first, just to give him a little food for thought, and then later get Ricky to say something to him. It did take SEVERAL people saying something to my dad before he cleaned up his act. My mom said something awhile back, then a couple of his friends said something to him, then recently my mom's uncle had a "serious" talk with him and told him he needed to get healthy for his children, and then my sisters and me said something to him over Christmas break. Only after ALL of those people said something to him did he finally start to get the picture.

It will probably take more than just Ricky talking to him for him to really get the message and that is where you need to step in.

[RLC12345678]

Now that I go back and read this again, I think you SHOULD talk to him first, just to give him a little food for thought, and then later get Ricky to say something to him. It did take SEVERAL people saying something to my dad before he cleaned up his act. My mom said something awhile back, then a couple of his friends said something to him, then recently my mom's uncle had a "serious" talk with him and told him he needed to get healthy for his children, and then my sisters and me said something to him over Christmas break. Only after ALL of those people said something to him did he finally start to get the picture.

It will probably take more than just Ricky talking to him for him to really get the message and that is where you need to step in.