are you in love?

[Lissa]

First off, I can understand if people say I'm too inexperienced to know anything about this stuff seeing as I'm not married, but I think I've got a decent grasp of this concept.

I agree with both of you, people can't make you feel a certain way, and other people can influence your emotions.

Of course I'd say it differently, that you love someone when you first get together, and you're in love with them after time, but that's just semantics, we're both saying the same thing.

My feelings: Yes, people can't force you to feel something, and you control your emotions, but isn't vulnerability one of the integral parts of a relationship? Vulnerability gives you trust, because you lay bare all your weaknesses to create a bond between you and your partner for only the two of you to share. Thus it can be said that in a relationship both participants affect each other's emotions due to the bond. I'd say that this bond created by Trust and Vulnerability is Love. (Sorry if this sounds like a mechanical analysis, I've been stuck in college classes all day) Trust is necessary in a Love relationship, without Trust there can't be Love, and Trust is made stronger through Vulnerability, and with Vulnerability comes the ability to directly affect each other's emotions. You follow? Cause I'm starting to get lost myself here...

Basically, Vulnerability = Ability to affect each other's emotions, Vulnerability = Trust, Vulnerability + Trust = Love.

Regular people shouldn't be able to affect your emotions, but partners such as fiances and husbands are an exception.

-The first stage of a relationship is that Puppy Love everyone feels. You see them and your heart starts to flutter, the guy is absolutely flawless and there's no better person in the world, you feel like you'll die if you're apart from them for longer than a day. This is what I would call Loving Someone.
-The second stage of a relationship is marriage, you have the Puppy Love plus strong commitment, this is also the first stage of being In Love with someone. With time the Puppy Love goes away, (which is what I would say is the leading cause of divorce among couples who marry young) and what is left over is Commitment.
-This is where the third stage comes in and that's Companionship. The Puppy Love is gone but what is left over is much deeper and more meaningful. You know and accept that each other are flawed, and also that no matter what it is you can go to each other with any issue or problem without judgment or fear of it and that you'll work through it no matter what. It's a deep Trust, Commitment, and Companionship that only people that have it can truly understand. This is what I would say True Love and truly being In Love is.

There will always be moments of doubt, when you feel more like you're needed more for mundane things than truly wanted and needed. But that's normal in a relationship, but that's when the other partner needs to jump in and reassure the other that they are truly needed. Sometimes the partner can have a difficult time recognizing this, and that is why talking about this stuff is so important, it's not easy, but if you loved someone enough to marry them then exposing weaknesses will only make the relationship stronger if both participants understand this.

Men have a tendency to believe that weakness is bad and must not be acknowledged, but marriage hinges on your ability to trust someone to accept your weaknesses and flaws. If this bridge is never formed then Companionship may be difficult to obtain.

Alright, this is too long, I'll be quiet now.

i agree with you there trust is the most important thing but i do think you can love someone but not trust them 100% but for it to last and be meaningful and for you both to be happy you have to trust or its just not gonna work, im lucky that i do trust my partner but i do have friends who love there partners dearly but dont fully trust them.