Not Good News -- Surgery

[rivermom]

I can totally understand his jitters and lashing out at you. He's got so much on his mind and as a man the priority is taking care of his family. Even though a lot of men don't go about it just as we would want them to. Hopefully he will do some soul searching, calm himself down, and deal with the surgery as he see's fit.


In regards to the drinking ~ This is a completely different subject. He is not only taking his own life in his hands being behind the wheel intoxicated (or over the legal limit) he is taking other lives into his hands as well.

Janet - I am not going to try to tell you what to do, but from what I can tell by reading your posts it does sound like he's being distructive with the drinking episodes.

But....You probably pretty much know his routine after work. He might stop at a bar on his way home possibly. Or he might stop at the liquor store on his way home possibly. Or he might....Anyway, the point I am trying to make here is that you have the option to notify the police that your husband has been drinking and driving. The police after taking some information from you will plan to follow him on his way home from work.

Now, you would never tell him not ever if you do this. But the police will follow him, stop him, and arrest him if he's beyond the legal limit to drive. This is your hubbies free ticket into therapy and you don't come out as the bad guy, nobody is placed in danger sharing the roads w/ a drinking person who is driving, and he possibly might be ordered to attend AA meetings and seek help.

These are just my thoughts, and again not telling you what to do.

But, let's say I was sharing that same road your hubby was on while drinking. Hmmmm, Id be hoping his wife or loved one was calling the police to have them do what is best.

I am terribly sorry for the stress you are probably feeling right now. It is a very hard situation and serious too.

I only wish the best for all involved.

[Janet]

Sheryl, I do understand it too, but all he had to say was I need time to think, or I don't want to discuss it now...not "get off my back."

Now that I can see he's drinking more than I thought and obviously while driving, I am totally losing respect. I will be telling him that our son is to drive...never him...ever!!!

He doesn't go to bars or that sort of thing. He just drinks 6 beers on his way home. My sister-in-law tried to tell me, but when I asked him he said no. LIAR!!!

I've thought today about calling the police, just like you suggested, so he doesn't hurt anyone while driving, but if I do that, how is he suppose to get to work? I know that doesn't sound logical, but I really haven't seen him drunk when he comes home. I don't want anyone getting hurt or killed, but if I was to call the police and he loses his license...then it's going to be up to me to support us, he wouldn't be able to drive to work. I don't know what to do.

I'm probably babbleing, but I'm so angry...mad...just all kinds of emotions right now. I really shouldn't even be talking about it here. I'm sure I'll end up saying something so stupid and regret it. It's just too hard to type and think rationally as angry as I still am. I feel I can't even talk with him, because I can't believe him now. I hate liars!!

I just better stop typing and just read for awhile. I need to get over this anger before he comes home or there will be one heck of a blowup and I'll be the one to start it.

[Mandy]

Oh gosh Janet, i didnt know about him drinking. Im so sorry this is happening, i can understand the worry. Sheryl gave some great advice.
I wish you all the best, and know that we are thinking of you, and your family.
Sending happy thoughts!

[rivermom]

Originally Posted by Janet

Sheryl, I do understand it too, but all he had to say was I need time to think, or I don't want to discuss it now...not "get off my back."

Now that I can see he's drinking more than I thought and obviously while driving, I am totally losing respect. I will be telling him that our son is to drive...never him...ever!!!

He doesn't go to bars or that sort of thing. He just drinks 6 beers on his way home. My sister-in-law tried to tell me, but when I asked him he said no. LIAR!!!

I've thought today about calling the police, just like you suggested, so he doesn't hurt anyone while driving, but if I do that, how is he suppose to get to work? I know that doesn't sound logical, but I really haven't seen him drunk when he comes home. I don't want anyone getting hurt or killed, but if I was to call the police and he loses his license...then it's going to be up to me to support us, he wouldn't be able to drive to work. I don't know what to do.

I'm probably babbleing, but I'm so angry...mad...just all kinds of emotions right now. I really shouldn't even be talking about it here. I'm sure I'll end up saying something so stupid and regret it. It's just too hard to type and think rationally as angry as I still am. I feel I can't even talk with him, because I can't believe him now. I hate liars!!

I just better stop typing and just read for awhile. I need to get over this anger before he comes home or there will be one heck of a blowup and I'll be the one to start it.

Janet - maybe it will help if you go take a walk outside to clear your thoughts. It probably wont do any good to start a fight, that's just fueling the fire sorta say...

I need to add that him not coming home drunk does not mean he's not capable of hurting himself or others driving while drinking. A person can be rated "above the legal limit" and not be drunk.

A person's life out weighs by non-measurable standards any financial situations. I can't really say much more about that sentance.

If you don't want to talk about it here - ask for guidence in a prayer or mediatation to handle this situation in the best possible way for all involved. I understand completely and respect you not wanting to share your entire home situation w/ everyone here. I bet the farm that none of us here do that!

Don't worry about having regrets by what you have said so far. We are all human, NONE of us are perfect, (without sin if that's what I should refer to it as), nor have any right to judge you. Yes, we will come up with our own thoughts on any subject brought up in this forum, but ONLY you know entirely 100% the entire picture being drawn out and none of have walked in each other's shoes.

[Mandy]

Exactly! As sheryl said, fighting is not going to solve the problem girl, and i too completly understand if you dont want to share all your thoughts, but remember, we are here when you need us! Do what you need to do, if it feels right in your heart, then thats the way to go.
Take care of you first, the rest will follow, and fall into place.