so angry!!

[AngieDoogles]

I noticed this user online earlier and so I sent her a PM welcoming her to the community. She PM'ed me back saying that she was having difficulty getting a thread to submit, so I'm doing it for her. Here is what she said:

Hi,
I've been a lurker forawhile, but I haven't posted. Soo... here's my dilemma..

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years... we were planning on getting married, I was shopping for my wedding dress, picking out my ring, and even dining halls. (I'm only 22 by the way, he's 23) but throughout our entire relationship we've always had issues with his phone.

1st incidient: (8 months)
I always wrote them off as maybe I was being a little too jealous. But he would always carry his phone with him, he would never leave me alone with the phone, he took it in the shower with him, when he went to the bathroom, even when he went into the kitchen to cook. It was weird, and throughout our 3 years it never stopped. But whenever I would look at the phone I would find girls numbers in his phone. He said his cousin put numbers in his phone.. and since I didn't like his cousins (because they have done and said really shady things to me) I believed him. After that.. I had issues with a girl being in his house. He said the girl was for his cousin.. but I always found something weird about that, since he called me 6x that day to let me know EXACTLY what he was doing.. and how he repeatedly told me I shouldn't come over. I called the house phone, this girl answered and said they had been dating for a year... I asked him about it, and he was like, the girl was for his cousin.

2nd incident: (1st year)
We were still trying to work things out, and then some girl got ahold of my number and began prank calling me. She said this my boyfriend was her man, and that I wasn't the only girl he was with.

3rd incident: (1st year)
Some girl comes up to my sister (she was a girl who we had went to school with and we were all friends) and said to my sister that "Ashley should be careful, josh has been known to go out with more than one girl." So, of course my sister told me, and I went up there to talk to the girl and she said, "j has always been dating more than one girl at a time. I'd be careful. I'm not telling you want to do.. but my friend who dated him had to deal with what you're going thru."

4th incident: (2nd year)
I found a ton of nearly naked girls pictures in his phone. He blamed it on his cousins.

5h incident: (3rd year)
I found text messages with him and another girl. I called the girl, she said they had been going out for a year. He and I were practically living together at this point. He told my parents he wanted to marry me, and asked for their permission, etc. And she said, that when she saw my name in his phone, she asked him who I was and i was only "just a friend." He told me not to believe her because women lie. But I did, and asked her if she could send me a picture of them together. SHE DID. I sent him the pic, he first denied he was in it. Denied that he knew her. Then said, it was a pic taken a long time ago.

So, after this.. i broke up with him. But I still talk to him..am I justified in breaking up with him? I just don't know why I can't let go.. But I know the feelings I used to have with him aren't there for him. There's this guy in my criminal justice class, that I really do like.. but for some reason despite everything I don't want to let go of my ex boyfriend. what do I do?
Sorry for it being so long!

Ashley

I hope she comes back to see the responses...

[Tink]

Ashley, I'm sorry you've had such a time with a cheater.
If this guy has such a "thing" about his phone, how did he explain his cousin having access to it? It simply makes no sense.

I think you're doing the only reasonable thing in getting away from him. No one deserves to be cheated on, yet sadly many put up with it out of fer of being alone. I'm so glad you aren't that desperate.

I hope you're able to post here with us soon. This site is filled with a bunch of really terrific ladies who I think you'd really enjoy.

HUGS

[Mandy]

Hi Ashley, sorry you going thru this. But its better to find out before you marry him. You did the right thing, give yourself time to deal with it, and move on.
You deserve much better, and the right man is out there for you.
Him blaming hes cousin with hes phone sounds very shady, why would hes cousin have acces to hes phone

Stay strong girl, we are here for you - we care!

[Janet]

After all that time, all the incidents....RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!!

[DianaB]

You've had too many instances with others telling you that he's running around on you and they've been from different people. Listen to what they're telling you and what you've already figured out. Is this the kind of life that you want if you should marry him? All the secrets? Always wondering if he's telling you the truth? It doesn't sound like he's been honest with you or you wouldn't have questions about his behavior. My suggestion is like everyone else"s---RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK! It sounds like a really bad idea to marry this guy!

[AngieDoogles]

Oh you got it to work! That's awesome!

As for your boyfriend, I definitely agree with the others. You DO NOT want to end up married to a man like that. If the lying and cheating is this bad already, imagine how it would feel to be married to him. You deserve SO much more, girl! And the the perfect guy for you is out there waiting for you to find him. Keep searching and don't waste any more time on this guy. Just my opinion...

Yeah, you're probably right. But he keeps saying.. whenever I bring the past up.. that I'm looking for something to be mad at him with. He's like, "Ashley would I give a key to someone I didn't love? I gave you a key to my house, I wouldn't do that to someone I didn't care about." etc etc. I don't know what to do. I do love him, but I hate the fact that its three years I've wasted. I absolutely, hate that the most.
I just don't know how to break it off with him. He threatens to come to my house, and make a huge scene if I decide to break up with him. I bought 384 tickets to my christina aguilera concert and we had to leave early because he argued with me in the concert arena in front of everyone... all because I was texting my sister (who was also there) So I told him (to save any more humiliation) that we need to just go. Then he made a complete a$$ out of himself outside and yelled at me as went to go look for my car... I guess, as I write this, I know that our relationship needs to end.
What I don't know how to do is figure out how to completely erase him from my life?

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Janet

After all that time, all the incidents....RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!!

Ashley cant say it better than JANET JUST DID!! Better now than being married for a few mts. and he decides marriage is not for him. My nephew is going through this but @ 30 he and is wife. They had a beautiful fairy tale wedding in Oct.06, she tells him last week that its over. No counceling , no nothing.. So honey you are young and he is to. .Move on...

[Lindsey]

Leave him. You know deep down it's the right thing to do. Who cares if he makes a scene? Guys like that like to manipulate and be in control. Yeah, he'll be angry but it's nothing compared to how angry YOU'VE been. He's not worth it. One thing I've just had to make myself believe recently is that relationships aren't the only thing in life... I was just looking for someone to take my ex's place and now I've realized I just want to live for ME for awhile. You and I are the same age. You're still young! You don't need to be worrying about some guy who is treating you like dirt! Go out and live your life, and someday another guy will come along who will treat you like a princess... and that's what you deserve!

Well you guys, I spent all of yesterday trying to figure out how to break up with him. I don't want it to be nasty. I thought about what Janet (I think) said, and I think it is more because I was used to being with him, and not because I'm actually in love with him. I think that changed within the last year.
I am going to tell him today. I read all of your words, and seeing as women like yourselves have been through this once before, I know that I am doing the right thing. This was what my mother was talking about. She fears that he's going to get worse, and since she does work for the Police Department she says, she doesn't trust me being alone with him. I couldn't understand why she would say that but now I do.
I'm just trying to graduate from college and start law school in the fall. That's it. I don't want any more drama with him. I just don't want him making a scene because my mom will have him arrested. She has already told me so. And then can you only imagine what will happen after that? But I'm going to tell him right after I post this. (He's at church right now.. go figure) Hopefully, he won't be driving up to my house. (he's done that three or four times now). I will let you know how it all goes.


Ashley