so angry!!

[Janet]

Originally Posted by aarnold808

Well you guys, I spent all of yesterday trying to figure out how to break up with him. I don't want it to be nasty. I thought about what Janet (I think) said, and I think it is more because I was used to being with him, and not because I'm actually in love with him. I think that changed within the last year.
I am going to tell him today. I read all of your words, and seeing as women like yourselves have been through this once before, I know that I am doing the right thing. This was what my mother was talking about. She fears that he's going to get worse, and since she does work for the Police Department she says, she doesn't trust me being alone with him. I couldn't understand why she would say that but now I do.
I'm just trying to graduate from college and start law school in the fall. That's it. I don't want any more drama with him. I just don't want him making a scene because my mom will have him arrested. She has already told me so. And then can you only imagine what will happen after that? But I'm going to tell him right after I post this. (He's at church right now.. go figure) Hopefully, he won't be driving up to my house. (he's done that three or four times now). I will let you know how it all goes.


Ashley

Ashley, I am so proud of you for thinking of yourself and your future first. I think you are making the right decision and your mother probably thinks so too. She has probably seen classic cases of guys like him and what ends up happening to the women they 'supposedly' love. Keep us informed, and know you are doing what's best for you.

[DianaB]

I'm glad to hear that your Mom knows what's going on and don't hesitate to let her know if you have trouble with this guy. It sounds like she's been worried about him for a while. I think that you're doing the right thing. Even if he makes a scene, don't back down. It's another manipulation trick and don't fall for it. I hope all goes well when you talk to him. Keep us posted on how it goes.

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by DianaB

I'm glad to hear that your Mom knows what's going on and don't hesitate to let her know if you have trouble with this guy. It sounds like she's been worried about him for a while. I think that you're doing the right thing. Even if he makes a scene, don't back down. It's another manipulation trick and don't fall for it. I hope all goes well when you talk to him. Keep us posted on how it goes.

I completely agree. & very good for you for endind it. Don't let him use you & the love you have for your daughter anymore. If you need to have him arrested please do. That is much better than putting you or your daughter though him becoming violent.

[Marilyn]

How did it go?????

[DianaB]

Originally Posted by Chandra Amaya

I completely agree. & very good for you for endind it. Don't let him use you & the love you have for your daughter anymore. If you need to have him arrested please do. That is much better than putting you or your daughter though him becoming violent.

Traci, are you lost? I'm not her Mom. I was just giving advice.

Well,
He came by my house just as he said he would.. and told me he wanted to talk to my mom and sister to find out why nobody likes him. He stayed at my house nearly an hour shouting "ashley I didn't cheat on you." and "I gave you three years of my life. I have never been with someone that long. I love you so much." And then he told me I was making the decision to end things with him because my family doesn't like him. He has been calling since the split.. more so that its at least 20 to 30 times within a few hours. But, I've been trying not to break down. It's his crying that has me bothered, however. He has never cried in his life, and he broke down and started crying once I told him it was over. I felt so bad. I never wanted to hurt him, and it seems that that is what I have done. I just want us to be alright, I didn't want to end things like this...
I miss him so much. I didn't think it would be this bad...

Ashley

[AngieDoogles]

Ashley, I sent you a PM since we were already talking that way. Just wanted to let you know.

[Mandy]

Originally Posted by aarnold808

Well,
He came by my house just as he said he would.. and told me he wanted to talk to my mom and sister to find out why nobody likes him. He stayed at my house nearly an hour shouting "ashley I didn't cheat on you." and "I gave you three years of my life. I have never been with someone that long. I love you so much." And then he told me I was making the decision to end things with him because my family doesn't like him. He has been calling since the split.. more so that its at least 20 to 30 times within a few hours. But, I've been trying not to break down. It's his crying that has me bothered, however. He has never cried in his life, and he broke down and started crying once I told him it was over. I felt so bad. I never wanted to hurt him, and it seems that that is what I have done. I just want us to be alright, I didn't want to end things like this...
I miss him so much. I didn't think it would be this bad...

Ashley

Stay strong Ashley! You know in your heart it was the right decision. Keeping you both in my thoughts, yes him too, he needs "happy thoughts" right now.

[Janet]

Ashley, the worst case women abusers cry to manipulate. Don't fall for this tactic. It's like turning on and off a faucett It probably worked for him as a young boy with his mother and he figures it will work for you too. Keep yourself busy and just don't answer the phone. He sounds like trouble and I sure wouldn't want you stuck in a relationship that is so manipulative. There is definitely something wrong if he is calling you this often

more so that its at least 20 to 30 times within a few hours

. You really need to be strong and walk away.

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by DianaB

Traci, are you lost? I'm not her Mom. I was just giving advice.

No I was using your quote & saying I agree then going on to say more to her.

[Janet]

How are you Ashley...everything okay?

Oh no.. I'm not good at all.

I'm just really surprised..for lack of a better word. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with this man, and even though I said I wouldn't be talking to him, I picked up the phone and we do have normal civilized conversations. I mention that he has hurt me, and he's like "aint nobody hurt you.." etc. I'm thinking to myself where was the man I fell in love with? I just can't seem to fathom how for the last three years you think you know someone, and then all of a sudden, every trait, every characteristic about them is suddenly foreign and different to you? He doesn't treat me the right way anymore.. he swears at me, and tells me "I'm just looking for a problem." He had the nerve to tell me yesterday, "your mother didn't raise you right." He has issues with my mom because she doesn't like him.

I'm thinking to myself.. I think I turned out alright. I just got one of two law school recommendations yesterday. My teacher told me to keep in contact with him, to let him know if he could help me with anything else, if the school needed another rec. from him. I have people here trying to help me, I mean how bad could I have turned out?

Then we will be okay for a little while. We will talk like we used to.. and then he will start telling me, "ashley, if we ever had children, I don't want you always leaving us to go visit your family." (the gist of what he said, not word for word) He said we would be moving to TX and all my fam lives in Cali. He said, "I don't think you'd be a good mother because you would leave your husband and children for your family." And then he went on to state that, "If we do have children, I'm going to tell them how fake your aunt is (my sister)" My sister also does not like him.

A. I know, we're broken up. B. He still talks to me as if there's hope of a reconciliation. I'm not quite sure what to do. But, my gran says that maybe I need to cease contact with him all together. Not sure if I can do that. But I know its not healthy for me to continue talking to him in this manner. He's just different.. the things he says, and how he says them. One minute he's sorry, and the next he says he didn't do anything wrong. I don't know what to do..

I was always taught you stick by something. I feel like I betrayed him in the worst way possible. I told him I would never leave him, but I didn't think he would be like this.. Maybe this is what everyone warned me about. He and his ex had a nasty breakup (i went to high school with her) and both of them had to put restraining orders on each other. My gran says that could be indicative of the type of person he is. But I still remember him as my honeybunny. It's just he hasn't been that for a long time...


I'm in so much turmoil right now. I know I made the right decision, but why do I still feel so bad??

Ashley