venting

I?m so lost right now. How you ever felt like you?re in a point in your life where you?re missing out on everything around you but there?s nothing you can do about it because you?re just kind of stuck?
I don?t know if that makes sense... but I just can?t really take it anymore.
Socially: I have no friends. I?m 20 years old... and I feel like I should be out and hanging out with friends and enjoying the free time i have. But i don?t. I seriously haven?t been out in prolly a year now. The only interaction i get with anyone other than my family (rarely) and my boyfriend is at work and here on this forum and the yorkie talk website. All of my high school life i was in a relationship... but i had friends. I would spend time with my boyfriend... but i would still go out on Friday nights and hang out with friends... or go to the mall? or go to lunch... or do whatever... but i can?t do that now. Every free minute of mine my boyfriend (been together for the last year) expects me to spend with him... and if i don?t... I?m some horrible person for "ditching" him. In between my last boyfriend and this one i was single for about 6 months... and i can honestly say that that was prolly the best time of my life..... I was happier than i think i ever have been. when i met matt... he was one of those guys that was way to good to be true... brings you flowers.... and leaves you cute notes.. and blah blah blah.... its not that i don?t love him... cause i do... and i enjoy being with him MOST of the time... as long as he?s getting what he wants... as soon as i say no to anything suddenly his attitude changes and he?s just plain mean.
Work: I?m trapped in my job. Literally trapped. I like WHAT i do... but not where and when i do it. I?m a pet trainer at petsmart. I?ve been with the company for almost 3 years now and i get paid $8 an hour... what kinds crap is that? iIt?s ridiculous how little I?m appreciated. i work EVERY weekend... without time off... you don?t know how much i would just love to have a Saturday off to spend with my family. to go down to the beach with my mom... or hang out and watch a supercross race with my dad.... but i don?t get to do that kind stuff anymore... and i feel like I?m missing out on something because i know my parents aren?t always going to be around for me to spend time with. The worst part of all is i can?t just quit. i would have to give a 2 MONTH notice to quit.... because they?ve already paid me for classes I?m teaching right now... and if i quit... i would owe them money...
and if these two things aren?t stressful enough... i have to tie them together with the fact that my boyfriend... is my boss... so yeah... he has complete track of me 24/7....
my only relief... school.... i absolutely love going to school... i get to get away from everything else.... (I only go to school 4 hours a week....)
Without friends to talk to you... you have no idea how good it feels to finally get this out...

[rivermom]

Honestly, it sounds like you are depending on others to make you feel full. full of happiness, full of contentment, etc. Find yourself and try to learn to be happy and content alone. It will all work out, you are young and please trust in that it truly all does work out.

Find your passions and most likely you will meet people doing what you love. Keep positive and you will attract the same back into your life.

Wish you well.

[AngieDoogles]

It sounds like you are just so unhappy in this relationship and it doesn't seem like something you want for the rest of your life. Maybe you should have a talk with him and tell him exactly where you stand and what you dislike about the relationship. His reaction would be very insightful and maybe help you to make a good decision about what you want to do. He seems like he could have the potential to become abusive (very needy, keeping you from friends and family, keeping tabs on you at work) and if that is the case you want to be out of that relationship as quickly as possible and never look back. The fact that you work with him and that you have to work there for the next few months makes this situation so much harder, but I know that you are capable of doing whatever needs to be done. You are probably so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You deserve a full and happy life...just make sure you are with a guy who can give you that. If you are happier being single, then maybe you should think about going that direction with your life. At least for now.

Good luck and we are here if you ever need to vent. We all need an outlet every once in a while.

[Lindsey]

I pm'd you. It's tough when you feel unhappy and like there's no way out. You just need to take ahold of your own life and do what you want to do. It's nobody's life to live but your own.

[Passionfruition]

I think we've all felt like this at times in our lives....but the good news is, life does get better....even though you feel so trapped right now. I get to feeling overwhelmed with life in general when I don't take enough time off of work, or school (when I was in college) or whatever to do something I enjoyed. I look around my house and see MESSES and want to just crawl back in bed.

You should do something that makes you happy to be you. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy but don't get to do often? Listen to your favorite music, watch your favorite movie. Write a poem! (Well, those are things I do to "recharge" - as I call it.)

[Mandy]

You need to seriously talk to him, everyone needs space to do the things you want to do!! You owe it to yourself to be happy with who you are, so find a way and make time to be with family, and friends, they are important people in your life!

[Janet]

I am a firm believer that things will never get better unless we are willing to make them better. As far as spending too much time with BF because he expects it....that needs to change quick. You have a life too, and you need to get out from under his thumb 24/7 and nurture you. No one can do that but you.

thanx everyone... i've started going to the gym in the mornings... it helps me get some of the stress out, have some time to myself, and makes me feel better about myself.

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by lilstar63100

thanx everyone... i've started going to the gym in the mornings... it helps me get some of the stress out, have some time to myself, and makes me feel better about myself.

Yayyyy!!! good for you. I'm glad its helping.

[rivermom]

Originally Posted by lilstar63100

thanx everyone... i've started going to the gym in the mornings... it helps me get some of the stress out, have some time to myself, and makes me feel better about myself.

I am so glad you are finding a way to get your stress out. It is truly hard to get stuck into a mentla rut and not really know how to get out of it. I've been there many a times myself.

Please never feel as if you are alone - many of us have experienced what you are going through and of course we are always here to listen.

I' am so happy to hear you are feeling better about yourself. That is really good news!

[Gina]

The girls have all given you excellent advice. The key word here is that your 20 YEARS OLD... Go out and live your life how you want it. No one can make you do or say anything that you don't want to say or do. Happiness is a state of mind. Only you can control that.. Glad that you joined a gym, its a great stress reliever . Do whatever makes you happy in life.