Feeling sad

[judy]

Originally Posted by Janet

She knows you care and that's what you want her to know. I was thinking, you said you go to the same hairdresser??? Maybe you could leave a letter (in a sealed envelope of course) and when she comes in, your hair dresser could give her the letter. Worth a try.

You and I think alike but I don't want to put Eileen, my hairdresser, in the middle.
She also does SIL's hair and told me that she has never seen him the way I describe him, but that she only does his hair. I felt that I should set up boundaries for myself
as to what I say to her. Maybe she was trying to defend him, I'm not sure.

[Janet]

I guess only you can judge what to do when it comes to involving your hairdresser. I just wish there was someway you could get a nice letter to her. How about another family member? Does or SIL work...could you sneak over during the day?

[judy]

Are you kidding? SIL is the disability scam king. He's always home.

She and I are past that stage to tell you the truth. We reconciled last year, although she wasn't sure about the relationship between us. She has now decided that I wasn't a good mother when she was young. I actually was a good mother, but either that's what she has decided or SIL has fed into whatever negative feelings she had to the point that it became blown out of proportion to where she believes it. Or, she may have to believe it because I think he has threatened her that it's me or him.

SIL told me one day, when I called, that I couldn't see my grandchildren again. She didn't call me and I finally just went over there because I couldn't believe that she just left me hanging like that. She told me that she hadn't known about this right away, and when she found out, she really didn't know what to say to me. I got really angry at her and finally told her that if she doesn't tell her husband that he is not allowed to be abusive of her mother, there was no relationship. I told her that I wouldn't have a relationship with anyone who let their husband treat their own mother like that. I told her that I was sick of this and that she has to put her foot down. He has done these kinds of things to me for a long time and I was so stressed by them. I love my daughter and my grandchildren, but I will not allow abuse in my life, especially by my daughter's husband. She chose her marriage, which I have come to understand.

The bottom line, at this point, is that she is sick, although she's feeling better, thank God, they are married and he is taking care of (?) her and the children, and I have to step away. She made her choice and so did I. The only thing that can happen now is if she comes to understand that she can have both of us in her life because she's actually the only one who is in control.

I am actually, very proud of her. She has managed to stay well for about 9 months
without her mother around. (She was very dependent on me - she's a codependent type of person). She's taking care of her children, and she made the appropriate choice for someone her age. I am sad, but I feel like there is nothing to do anymore, but hope and pray she figures out her life and wants to include me in it.

But, I am feeling better. I haven't decided about sending flowers yet. I go by my gut instinct, and I'm feeling like they will make it a negative, but that she will deep
down be happy about it. I'm not sure I want to be involved in stirring up negativity. We do love each other, even if we never see each other again.

There's much more to this saga, but they're really just details. What I really, really appreciate is you all trying to support me and find ways to help me. I figured I should lay it all out for you. You're such caring people, you should know what's up.

With much love,

[Mandy]

He sounds like such a control freak! He possibly brain washed her Judy, which is cruel, very cruel on his part, for a grown man, he sounds like a spoilt brat that wants it his way, or no way. Well, im happy your daughter is taking care, and looking after her, and the kids.
Him telling you, that you cant see your grandbabies anymore, just shows what type of person he really is. SHAME on him!!!!

[Janet]

I guess the only thing you can do about this guy is hope it's true....."what goes around, comes around" and that you are there to see it.

[Gina]

Hi Judy, I am so sorry to hear about the situation with your daughter and her children. I have a girlfriend who was in an abusive relationship and her husband did not allow her and their daughter from seeing her parents and family. This went on for many years, until she got wise and left him one day. She has reunited with her parents and family and is very happy today without him.

Judy I like Janet am a firm believer of what goes around comes around. He has three children and payback will be a b***h. I hope someday that you daughter has the strenght to stand up to him, I guess she is at his mercy in a way for he supports her and takes care of her. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers, I can imagine the pain that you are in for not seeing your daughter and grandchildren.

Judy do you have other children? Just wondering that if you do how is their relationship?

[judy]

I have seen "what went around, come back around" several times in my life, and I truly believe that all you have to do us to share your pain with God. In time, as my friend's mother would say "God gets." Of course, this is on God's time, not mine, so sometimes it takes years. In the meantime, it is my responsibility to enjoy this life that God gave me and I make every possible effort to do that. I consider myself extra fortunate to have that gift of faith. It has gotten me through.

I also appreciate your support and caring so much. There really are such good people in this world!

I don't have any other children, but my relationship with my oldest grandaughter was amazing from the minute she was born. We had such a great bond and I was, next to her parents, her favorite person in the world. I love my grandson, but he's daddy's little guy and we were just beginning to bond before last January. He has such a soft little soul. My littlest grandaughter and I were also beginning to get close. She's just a delight! We were really going to love each other. I hadn't gotten close to the little ones because SIL had begun to run some really hard core interference after my grandson was born, so I had to stay away a lot.

Thanks to you all for your warm hearts.