I think I'm going to do it

[toodles]

gosh, i have told him a hundred times how i feel. but every time..it turns into me being a bad wife, a bad mother, and a bad person. even tho i don't think i am any of those things.
i have been trying sooo hard to make him happy. I have done everything he has asked. i have changed my daily routine to make sure i am doing all of the things daily that he wants me to do. I am cleaning non stop, trying to be loving and affectionate, spending as much time as possible with him, cooking a meal every night for him...and breakfast and lunch on the weekends....these are things that he felt i was slacking on so i have picked up the pace. wearing myself out trying to make him happy.

and it just isnt enough. i can't win. i have said soooo many times "I will give it another shot"...and i always end up back where i'm at.

for the record...my daughter is not his. my high school sweetheart and I had her. He is super active in her life and a wonderful, loving father. and Jim is trying to be a good step-dad...but he isnt' very loving. he's very hard on her. we struggle with this all the time. we are always talking about how his attitude towards her is too much. he doesn't allow her to be 6 years old.

he is not abusive..however he does treat me like i'm a child. he does not drink, do drugs, or cheat on me...although he did say to me that if i can't give him what he needs...well...a man has needs. what is that supposed to mean?????? yes, i should be able to get past this..and work it out. after all, we said vows before God and all of our loved ones. but how can i continue to be so miserable? how can i continue to be treated like a failure and respect those vows? he needs to respect them too! he vowed to be my partner. my companion. my equal. but he isn't. he is above me at all times.

i'm just done. i don't want to fix it anymore. i don't want to keep this up. i just don't want to do it anymore.

Originally Posted by Gina

Toodles I am sorry to read this post. You have posted in the past and by the posts your marriage seemed to be in trouble. All I can say is to really think it through and weigh all the pros and cons. Marriage by all means is not easy its actually a job and you have to work at it or want to anyway. You do have a daughter and I or no one can tell you want to do, remember the grass is not always greener on the other side. Trust me. Have you tried counseling or talking to a clergyman?

You say he is always mad at you, do you let him know how you feel? The wanting sex everyday. I would seriously let him know what he is doing and how it is affecting you. Does he cheat, drink,verbially or phycially abuse you, gamble , or do drugs? Those are hard issues to deal with and I would be the first to tell you to walk away. If none of these are the issues I would give it a last chance and put my cards on the table and let him know EXACTLY how you feel.

Men are stupid, they need to be told, they don't get it. If we don't talk to them about our feelings they think everything is peachy keen. Give it your all and if it doesn't work out at least you can say that you tried. Once again I am not in your shoes , and only you know how you feel. We are here for you and I wish you the best....

[toodles]

and let me also say...if this marriage doesn't work...i won't be in a relationship like this ever again. it would take an act of congress to get me to commit to another man.

[Gina]

he is not abusive..however he does treat me like i'm a child. he does not drink, do drugs, or cheat on me...although he did say to me that if i can't give him what he needs...well...a man has needs. what is that supposed to mean?????? yes, i should be able to get past this..and work it out. after all, we said vows before God and all of our loved ones. but how can i continue to be so miserable? how can i continue to be treated like a failure and respect those vows? he needs to respect them too! he vowed to be my partner. my companion. my equal. but he isn't. he is above me at all times.

i'm just done. i don't want to fix it anymore. i don't want to keep this up. i just don't want to do it anymore.[/QUOTE]\\



I do believe God does not want anyone to be miserable.. We only get one chance at this life. He is not perfect, no one is and I hope that you tell him this. He mentions all your faults what about his ? Toodles like I said only you know how you feel , I am just trying to help you, I nor anyone else live with this man. I speak from my own experience I was you a few years back, miserable and no longer in love with my husband. I was ready to leave, but I went to counseling myself and we went to marriage counseling together. What happened was that my husband didn't change it was I . My husband comes from a very controlling family and he has issues that he doesn't realize that he has. Its sad. Forward to today we get along , I no longer let him control me and we have a better marriage...

Sometimes you need to go through bad times but once you show him that you will not tolerate it, he will Wake Up! they sometimes need that. I do have two children and he is a good father to them. So I make the best of my marriage, I am a happy person and I work and do things to satisfy me. I no longer listen when he preaches it doesn't work and he lost the battle.

Let me please reiterate you must do what you feel is right, I just see so many of my friends leave their husbands after so many years of being married and now they have regrets..

[katepoet]

If you have given it time and communicated your needs and this is what he does and how he makes you feel, you may not be able to change it. In my view of people, he has an illness - maybe part of it is physical, part mental/emotional - but he needs treatment. If he won't go to the doctor to get anti-depressants and some counseling, at a minimum, then look to taking care of yourself and your daughter. He should have a full health work-up, too.

If you are going to call it quits, you might see if you can get some counseling just to have a neutral person with whom you can talk out your plans and make sure you are covering all the bases you need to cover so you are physically and emotionally safe. There are a lot of counselors now who work with folks on a short term basis, 6-8 weeks, in order to help them resolve a specific issue and to feel supported through it.

This is a really stressful time for you, so take care of your nutrition. Take a buffered vitamin C to help with the stress - it will help keep you from burning out. If you can, take a b-complex, and don't forget iron and folic acid. Magnesium will help, too. Try Concentrace drops in water or juice each day for magnesium and trace minerals.

What are your plans for this holiday?

[Janet]

I'm so sorry you're going through this Toodles. I too thought I had the worst marriage and sometimes still do, but I'm not miserable like you say you are. I'm probably alot older too and I just don't want to lose everything I've worked for and I'm sure neither does he.

I always feel one knows ones own limits. You have to do what you think is right. Just make sure you are SURE. Sometimes we can't ever go back. Hugs to you and wishing you the best.

[rivermom]

I'm so sorry. Life is short, very short and without your happiness nothing can work. Everyone needs to do what they honestly feel is best in their heart. And if this is the choice you make because of so then by all means.

Nobody, again I say nobody deserves to be unhappy.

Divorces are never easy but sometimes it can be for the best in some situations.

I wish you the best.

[Mandy]

I agree with the rest. Only you know whats best to do, like Sheryl said, life is too short to be unhappy, you are still young, and changes can be made, with him, or without him.
Everybody deserves to be happy.

Good luck, and just know, we are here for you.

[highlans]

Yes good luck and be happy life is short. xx