34 Years, Hard to Believe!!!!

[Marilyn]

Originally Posted by Janet

You two make a very nice looking couple Marilyn. Your husband looks fun.

He is!

[goofywife]

Congratulations!!! You have to tell us your secrets, for a successful marriage.

[Janet]

I just had to come back again and see the picture of you two. Marilyn, you are so pretty, the picture is really, really good of the two of you.

[Marilyn]

Thank you again for your kind comments. There is no secret to a successful marriage. Marriage is work. You have to make deposits to the bank as you go along to be able to make withdrawals later. You have to decide that you are going to make it work and force communication sometimes so that you both understand what is needed to keep things going. You also have to be able to recognize your partner's needs and be intune with them even if they don't always coencide with your own. It's a give and take but you have to be willing to give more than you take, from your perspective. Both have to be committed to the relationship and committed to making it work. If you are, and you weather the tough times, which are inevitable in any relationship, the benefits later are amazing. There is nothing like having a life partner who you love unconditionally and who loves you in return. We still get frustrated with each other from time to time. For example, as we age and hearing begins to decline, it can be frustrating to have to repeat yourself often, but this is light frustration. The deep connection is there to make you realize that the little things are just little things.

Trust is a huge issue. You have to be totally honest with one another. No secrets. If you do this, you are never blind sided. To really understand and accept this concept, you probably have to make some mistakes. It's like a child who lies and finally realizes that they are in less trouble if they just tell the truth and live with the concequences than they are if they tell a lie and get caught. It's the same with marriage. If we make a financial mistake, for example, we need to be open with our spouse about it right when it happens and work together to figure out the solution. Doing so builds the relationship. Keeping secrets can result in loss of trust when the deception is revealed.

Hope this helps.

[DianaB]

That's very good advice, Marilyn. It also helps if Jesus Christ is at the center of your marriage.

[Janet]

I just finished reading the book by Robyn McGraw, "From My Heart To Yours." She points out a lot of life lessons that you've also mentioned Marilyn. I think it's wondrful that you have that. I wish I did.

It's hard to keep the communication open with someone that lies and stretches the truth for no reason. The lies aren't even big lies, just something that isn't true. I think that is part of our problem, I quit listening. Hard to listen when you know it isn't true. I've asked why he does that and his answer "I don't know."

[DianaB]

Originally Posted by Janet

.........It's hard to keep the communication open with someone that lies and stretches the truth for no reason. The lies aren't even big lies, just something that isn't true. I think that is part of our problem, I quit listening. Hard to listen when you know it isn't true. I've asked why he does that and his answer "I don't know."

I'm sorry, Janet. It is hard to be with someone who doesn't tell the truth. My Dad was that way.

[Marilyn]

Originally Posted by DianaB

It also helps if Jesus Christ is at the center of your marriage.

Absolutely!!!! My husband became a Christian 10 years ago, and our marriage has grown much stronger since this change of focus in his life. We would never be where we are today had this not occurred. It's so uplifting to see him serving the Lord's supper during worship services, hearing him lead a prayer, present a devotional or lesson to the congregation or a youth group. He brings a realism when he speaks because it's from his heart and from his past experiences when he was outside the church. People who have grown up in the church as I have sometimes don't have the same appreciation and perspective. We sometime tend to take things for granted. He gets it. He knows what Christ has done for him.

Janet, I hope and pray that your husband will someday make this change. While there is still life and mental health, it's never too late.