Why did you decide to have children?

[Ponyup]

Back story: I am 26 years old, my husband & I have been married 4 years. I always wanted children I thought my calling in life was to be an awesome mom. This was discussed before we were married & my husband decided it would be best to wait at least 3 years. Well by the time my 3 year anniversary rolled around I decided I didn't want children, my husband is okay with this....however, other people in my life or not. It's not that I don't like children I love them, & it's not that I don't think I'd be a good mom. It's just that my childhood, school years were absolutely miserable & I think society & the school system have gone down the drain since then (this is no way a slam at teachers I think you do the best you can with what you are allowed to do). I substitute taught in a small public school system & I was just apalled at the way the kids acted & what they knew already & talked about. I just not sure that is something I want to send an innocent child into. I am just very nervous that even if I do a great job what are they going to learn at school, how do I unteach that kind of stuff, how do I keep them on a straight path when it's the uncool thing to do. I just not sure it's fair to bring a child into that situation just because it's something I am supposed to do. Please let me know what your experiences have been in these areas.

Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to people that are having children right now, that you are bad people or anything....these are just the thoughts going through my head.

[RLC12345678]

I know exactly what you mean. I am 22 (will be 23 in 1 month) and I don't have children yet, but I have always thought that I wanted LOTS of children. Hubby and I are waiting until are careers are stable enough to have children (which will be probably 5 years), but I am worried that by that time rolls around I won't want children anymore. I mean, this world is not getting to be an any better place to live. Do I really want my children growing up in a world full of hate and vulgarity?

[Jlynn]

You need to make a decision that works for you and your husband. You're still young and may change your mind later, but if neither of you want kids now, why WOULD you? Don't worry about others opinions (including mine) because that's all they are.

DH and I came to this decision several years ago, and are now married 20 years without kiddos. Our reasons made sense to us, and eventually, people do stop pestering! We've managed to make friends with several couples who, for whatever reason, also don't have children. It IS a choice. Now, if only I could talk him into another yorkie

Good luck to you whatever you decide to do!

My Husband was 36 when he had his first child. Before that he helped me raise My son from another marriage

[Kimberley]

There is nothing wrong with how you feel. Looking back, I don't know that I would have had children. We live in really bad times and everyday, I'm scared at what my kids will have learned in school.

If people butt into your business about kids, just tell them...

"After much deliberation and seeing how YOUR kids turned out, I decided that I didn't want an early death! I enjoy life too much!"

[Mandy]

When i look around me, at my friends and family who all have 2 or more kids, i'm happy we only have 1.
Don't get me wrong, i love kids, but the worry that comes with kids these days, and i find that kids are not allowed to enjoy their childhood like we used to, they are forced to grow up fast! It's not fair!

[Amber_lv]

first one was a whoops but we wanted a sibling for him and i wanted another baby so we had our 2nd one

[Mandy78]

You need to follow your own heart on this one.

I am 28, married almost 2 years, and still do not want children. I have my reasons too. SOme are very personal and others are along the same lines as what your thoughts are on this. Things are soooo different today then they were even 10 years ago. One of my issues is that parents do not discipline thier kids enough and they act out. I work in a hair salon, and they bring their kids with them to thier hair appts. GRRRR....The kids play witht the chairs, try to grab water hoses fromt he sink, spray people with water, pull products down from retail shelves, run thru the place while we are holding SHARP scissors, grab HOT irons....and so on and so on....and all the while, the parents rarely say anything. I don't get it.
When a parent DOES discipline a child in the shop, I do tell them how much I appreciate them doing so....But its everywhere you go....

Now I love children, I really do! I have nieces and nephews and many of my friends are having kids! And I have fun with them! But I really do not think parenthood is for me. My hubby feels the same way.

And when I tell people that I am not sure about having kids, and they get mad at me and say how could you not have kids, I tell them what I am thinking. I don't hold back. Not everyone who is married HAS to have children.

So again... follow your heart, and this is only a desicion you and your hubby and your faith can make!!!!!

I am a mother of 3 children,ages 15,11,and 5. They are my whole world,and I couldnt immagine my life without them,but I am SOOO Happy my youngest is in all day kindergarten now,because I finally get some me time . So, I think whatever decision you make you should be happy and dont worry about the others. Live your life for you.

I'm glad to read that I'm not alone on this. I have been married for almost five years and neither one of us want to have children. I don't have a maternal instinct. I don't want the big responsibilty of being a parent. If it happens (I'm making sure that doesn't happen ) well, it happens but is not something we are looking forward to it. Just my opinion.
My three kids are Chikis( Chihuahua), Jerome(Yorkie) and Kiki( cat) and they are my whole life and world, well hubby too.

[Janet]

We wanted kids, but eventually had to adopt. I didn't want everyone to know about all the infertility stuff we were going through, it was a roller coaster ride from the start. So when people were so rude to ask when were we having kids, I just asked them..."why do you want to know?" Some would just say they were just curious, and then I would say, "well you know what happened to the cat." Just ignore them, or think of a snappy comeback for their intrusive questions. It's no ones business and each of us have to make our own decisions and not have to defend them.

[Tink]

I have 3 children who I love dearly. Not one of them was really "planned".
My first was a result of being a stupid immature 18 yr old. I'm glad I have her, but no way would I have intentionally gotten pregnant with her when I did. I was actually on the pill when she was concieved.

My 2nd child was concieved on my honeymoon.

After my 3rd just 23 months later, we used a permanent solution. Enough was enough!

Seriously, if you don't desperately want kids, there's no reason you should feel obligated to have any. My original plan was NOT to have any, but once again fate had other ideas. I don't regret having mine, but I honestly don't think I'd have regretted not having any either if It had turned out that way. It's a very personal, life altering decision, so don't let anyone force their opinions on you.

[Ponyup]

Thank you all for your thoughts & help. One thing that bothers me is that I don't want to dissappointment my mom. I know she would be a wonderful, involved grandmother, like her mother was to me, but I'm not sure this is something I can handle. I've always been a late bloomer, maybe in another couple years I'll decide this is something I can handle or maybe my brother will have children & then the pressure is off me. I agree with one of the other women it's so scary to think about how quickly these children are forced to grow up. It's really not fair, they should be allowed to be children for as long as possible.

[Necee419]

I think it is so rude for people to ask "when are the babies coming?" I get this all the time. I am 30 years old and have people "politely" reminding me that my baby days are winding down. How the h@ll is it YOUR business how many child bearing years I have left? If half of the people in this world minded their own business as much as they mind yours, this world would be a better place. Don't ever feel like you have to justify your life choices to anyone. You must do what is right for you. Bringing a child into this world is an enormous responsibility and one that should not be taken lightly. I commend you for thinking carefully about this. If more people took the time to think things through before having children, then maybe we wouldn't have so many abused, unwanted children in this world.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Necee419

I think it is so rude for people to ask "when are the babies coming?" I get this all the time. I am 30 years old and have people "politely" reminding me that my baby days are winding down. How the h@ll is it YOUR business how many child bearing years I have left? If half of the people in this world minded their own business as much as they mind yours, this world would be a better place. Don't ever feel like you have to justify your life choices to anyone. You must do what is right for you. Bringing a child into this world is an enormous responsibility and one that should not be taken lightly. I commend you for thinking carefully about this. If more people took the time to think things through before having children, then maybe we wouldn't have so many abused, unwanted children in this world.

DITTO!!!