grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[NicoleMarcelle]

Ok, this might get long, as i am pouring out thoughts and i am very upset right now...


So my parents (w/o consulting me or even asking me) decide that i'm going to Venezuela for a whole month... i only wanted to go for two weeks, they want me to go for the whole month of june...

then my mom gets on my case for not being home "all the time"-- well no duh!... i go to school full time, and work PT... so my free time is almost non existant, the little time i have is spent doing hw, and with Belle... i only go out on weekends, and now she doesnt really want me to do that either

Now here's the clincher...
She tells me that she doesnt like Matt... that he doesnt care about me, and that seh doesnt get why i'm with someone who doesnt give a crap about me... bc of something that he said when he was upset and in pain...but thats a diff. story...

she told me to move out, and go get married... like she doesnt care what i do... but to go work at publix (grocery store) bc they won't pay for school if i do move away/get married...

they get upset bc there are dog toys all over my room... DUH!! they said, put the toys away... uh... what?!? what are the toys for? ornaments...don't think so... =/

she told me my car is hers... ok, granted... that she's gonna take it away, and see if matt still cares about me then... wth...

i am very upset right now and just needed to vent...

thanks so much for reading...

[katcarasella]

Honey, it's truly not the end of the world even thought it seems like it right now.
Was Mom having a bad day? She sees her little girl is growing up, and it's hard for Mom's to let their babies go, and she doesn't want you to get hurt.
Have you tried to sit down and talk to her, you've got to communicate with her.
I went through similiar situations with each one of my dtr's and we're the best of buddies now. What you're going through right now with your Mom is really very normal. There's a period between the ages of 18 and 24 when sometimes moms and daughters seem to bump heads. She really only wants the best for you, I bet she was just angry when she said those things to you. She doesn't really mean it, but you've got to talk, when you're both calm.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're so miserable. Hugs

[NicoleMarcelle]

i have tried lots of times...

they don't like matt, havent liked him...ever really... bc he's taken a long time to finish school... and they think he's a bum... i understand some of their points... but theres just some things that i can't agree with them on... my dad and her arent getting along too well...only when they are on my case...

the thing that really gets to me though is that they treat my brother like he's my age, and me like i'm 16... he's a kid... i work, go to school and do well... yet they are more restrictive with me than with my brother... i know it may sound silly... all of this... but it really bothers me... i know they're supposed to be doing all this bc they want what's best for me... but i am so upset right now... they constantly say really hurtful things... like they're gonna get their points accross...

i am grateful for all the things they've given me and i know i'm lucky and have a pretty good life, but i'm not happy right now... haven't been for a while... i feel like i'm being bribed to do or stop doing things ie-> taking away car, not going out until... x,y,z... i'm 21 that may not be much but i'm a pretty good kid, always have been...and i still get treated like a baby...

[katcarasella]

They see the potential you have and they don't want you to make any mistakes,
I'm sure you're their pride and joy and they want to protect you. I wish I had a quick fix but I don't. Nikki, you'll always be their baby, get used to it. When all else failed I used to yell too. Hang in there and try to include mom in your life a little more, let her see you still have your head on straight. Don't fuel the fire, try to be positive around her. If she sees you moping around she's gonna think it's because of Matt. Let her know how much you love her.

[NicoleMarcelle]

thanks for your wise words Kat... i try... i really do, but sometimes i get really frustrated... plus it's coming down to crunch time with hw and the end of the semester... i'm the one she talks to when she's having probs with my dad... and i listen and do as much as i can... i'm not perfect granted... but i try to spend time with them, but at the same time, i need to get out everyonce in a while... oh well *sigh* it'll pass...

[NicoleMarcelle]

now she's on the phone telling her friend how we'd all be happier if my brother and i moved out and everyone lived however they want to...

[katcarasella]

Honey, I think you're perfect.
This is life and sometimes we hit bumps in the road, so hold on tight and hang in there. Sounds like she gave you some very good roots so now you just have to blossom.........

[katcarasella]

She's just upset right now, how old is she? Is she going through the change of life? Something is really bothering her if she's sharing with her friend.
"If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Ever hear that one!

[NicoleMarcelle]

if only i was allowed to
i know they are trying to protect me but i have to make my own mistakes, and they don't let me do that... no matter how well i do outside home, they cant cut the cord...but i guess someday i'll be well off enough to move out on my own... the only thing is that i lose any support i have from them if i move out of my house... thats sorta what i mean about not being allowed to blossom... but i'll have to figure something out... cuz i don't know if i want to go to law school down in SoFL...i might wanna go to another school that is better than the ones down here... and they don't want me to, therefore they won't pay for school...

[Janet]

Nicole, I sure hope this doesn't come across has harsh, it is not my intention. You need to sit down calmly with your parents and have an adult conversation. Not a whiney one. Please honey do not take offense.

My son is 17 and we can have some of the best conversations, even about something he wants or wants to do..etc. or anything really serious, but when he starts that whiney bit...my attitude toward the conversation changes immediately. If you're coming across with your parents as a young adult fine, then this doesn't pertain to you, but if you don't then you can't expect them to treat you like an adult if you're not going to act like one.

Again, I don't know if this is how things are, but did want you to see another angle, so to speak. Step back and see if you can really see how you are coming across to them. I really hope you all can come together and work these feelings out. Best wishes...growing up is so hard.

[DianaB]

I agree with Janet that when you talk to your parents you need to come across as a young person with maturity to handle your problems. It sounds like your parents are trying to protect you from something but just aren't coming out and saying what. It's hard to let our children know that we're afraid that they could get in harms way when we're not around. I'm dealing with problems myself with my 15 year old daughter. Not that there's any problems, it's just that I don't want any problems to come up. She's just started dating and I've had to be very open with her about some of the rules that I have and what my expectations are for her future. She's being so very cooperative and listens to what I have to say. But my experience comes from already raising 3 other kids and this is my last child. I guess what I'm trying to say is that communication is very important on both sides. Maybe you can convince them to tell you what's troubling them. Maybe you should communicate to them what your expections are for your future and how you're preparing for it. Good luck!

[Janet]

Good advice Diana!!! She does have the experience Nicole. I hope we helped in some way.

[judy]

Nicole,

Everything works out in the end! My mother and I didn't get along. She hated my first husband before we got married. I moved out finally, and after 4 1/2 years of marriage, we got divorced. Where did I go with my baby? Home to Mama - who, no matter how we fought over everything, took me in without hesitation and with open arms.

I hated my daughter's husband. In fact, we didn't talk for 3 years, I didn't see her or my grandchildren. It was terrible. We finally reconciled and now I love him! That marriage was meant to be.

You never know what's going to happen in life, but your mother will always have you in her heart. Do what you have to for your life. You have every right to be happy in your own way, but keep a place for your mother in your heart too.