Going to go INSANE!!!!

[judy]

"Grace,

Can you just say to your Mom, in the nicest way possible, that it's not her business. Probably not - she's your mom and is wise to you, right?

My daughter has 5 dogs, and the way she handles family who don't approve is that she just tells them that - "Oh no. We're never getting rid of our dogs."
She really doesn't argue. That's just it!

Your kids sound like an average 5 kid family. Try an mp3 player with your favorite music on and a good set of earphones.

Welcome to 4WT!

[teri88]

God Bless you, you do have your hands full. With 5 kids and all that they are putting you through, I think you need to sit down with your husband and decide what is most important and work on that. Otherwise, you'll burn yourself out trying to fix everything at once. You didn't get to this point overnight, and you won't convince your kids that things are going to be different from now on overnight.

oh, and when my kids say "I hate you" I always reply "you'll get over it"...or I'll say "If you hate me then I'm doing my job". They won't hate you forever, and if you show them that you are the parent and you are in charge, then some day they will appreciate what you've done for them.

As far as your bright son who doesn't do his school work, my guess is he's bored to death in school. My son has been the same way his whole school life. As a first grader he used to refuse to do "busy work" that is what he called it. I can remember him doing math and saying "I just did 5 problems in a row, obviously I know how to do this. I'm not doing the other 20" He is now a Junior in HS and we still fight over homework. It is very difficult to raise a bright child. The secret is you have to keep them busy. It's exaughsting that's for sure. And you have to find something that matters to him...karate, video game, whatever....and that is your leverage. If he doesn't do his work he loses that priviledge. I would tell Kevin in a calm voice "if the teacher calls again about missing work, you don't go to baseball" And I followed through. You HAVE to be consistant. Sometimes I had to go into my room and cry because I hated being the meanie...but, if they know the consequence then it puts it back on their shoulders. It is HIS homework. HE chooses not to do it, HE suffers the consequence. And that is really all you can do. My son slacked off in Freshman year, so now next year as a Senior his friends will be taking easy classes, getting out early, whatever. He is taking FRESHMAN health and history. So, he has to work harder than he should have. Like I said let him know the consequences and let him suffer them. I'm not saying it's easy, but it will be worth it.

ok, enough from me....sorry this is so long. It's just that I have gone through it and I wish I'd known these things when my son was 8...it would have made me a better parent.

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by teri88

God Bless you, you do have your hands full. With 5 kids and all that they are putting you through, I think you need to sit down with your husband and decide what is most important and work on that. Otherwise, you'll burn yourself out trying to fix everything at once. You didn't get to this point overnight, and you won't convince your kids that things are going to be different from now on overnight.

oh, and when my kids say "I hate you" I always reply "you'll get over it"...or I'll say "If you hate me then I'm doing my job". They won't hate you forever, and if you show them that you are the parent and you are in charge, then some day they will appreciate what you've done for them.

As far as your bright son who doesn't do his school work, my guess is he's bored to death in school. My son has been the same way his whole school life. As a first grader he used to refuse to do "busy work" that is what he called it. I can remember him doing math and saying "I just did 5 problems in a row, obviously I know how to do this. I'm not doing the other 20" He is now a Junior in HS and we still fight over homework. It is very difficult to raise a bright child. The secret is you have to keep them busy. It's exaughsting that's for sure. And you have to find something that matters to him...karate, video game, whatever....and that is your leverage. If he doesn't do his work he loses that priviledge. I would tell Kevin in a calm voice "if the teacher calls again about missing work, you don't go to baseball" And I followed through. You HAVE to be consistant. Sometimes I had to go into my room and cry because I hated being the meanie...but, if they know the consequence then it puts it back on their shoulders. It is HIS homework. HE chooses not to do it, HE suffers the consequence. And that is really all you can do. My son slacked off in Freshman year, so now next year as a Senior his friends will be taking easy classes, getting out early, whatever. He is taking FRESHMAN health and history. So, he has to work harder than he should have. Like I said let him know the consequences and let him suffer them. I'm not saying it's easy, but it will be worth it.

ok, enough from me....sorry this is so long. It's just that I have gone through it and I wish I'd known these things when my son was 8...it would have made me a better parent.

As for the part of being bored to death in school... been there done that. i started laying out of all my classes in high school because it was so boring. They did not offer classes that were more challenging then. Ask the school to test him and they can give him gifted enrichment, if this is the case. It seems to help a great deal. good luck!

Well, my kids are acting good for the moment. Kris will skip into fourth grade next year instead of only being in third. I'm so happy! My mom is here, driving insane, nagging and complaining about everything. We got in a BIG fight on Sunday because Alessa decided that it would be fun to dress up one of our dogs and the dog tolerated her for a while and then snapped at her. My mother freaked out, saying I should take the dog to the pound ASAP. Grrr......LOL

[Forgivenmom5]

How does your mom feel now that the dog saved you from the intruder?

[Gina]

Grace first I want to say welcome to 4Wt . These wonderful ladies have given you awesome advice. I will keep it short, and may repeat a thing or two..

You do have your hands full with 5 kids, husband, dog and now mother.. I do agree with Janet as far as discipline you have to show them you mean business. As far as the teenage girl goes she is at that stage of rebellion .I do agree but she should not be leaving the house overnight without you knowing her whereabouts. That is very dangerous in todays day and age. You must punish her for that.. Let her know that you love her and horrible things can happen to her..

Your mother means well , try not to fight with her I know this is a hard thing to do. For most mothers and daughters buck heads when they have different ways of doing things.. She is not entirely wrong and loves you and your family, as far as the dog she is right you cannot trust dogs completely with the kids as you stated she snapped at one of the kids.

Motherhood does not come with a manual so you have to try your best. Stick with being firm and consistent and I think you will accomplish a lot.. Good luck!

[Gina]

Grace I just read the thread you posted about the break in.. Your dog is a hero.. I hope that your mother realizes that now..